Tag Archives: truth

The Real Clash: Stay or Should I Go?

Burn outs are kinda cool in a hot rod. Not so much on the job. How to stay cooler.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — …career of 12 years…What constitutes “burn out”? How do you know if you are actually burned out and it would be wise to find a new course to pursue, or whether you just need a long vacation, and should stay put in the industry you spent so much time developing skills, contacts and your reputation in? Path Trekker

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Dear Path Trekker,

Check out what we told Miller Time about his job exhaustion.

As for what constitutes “job burn out,” as usual, I suggest you do review columns. This time, list all the things that first ignited, attracted and fueled you to and on your job. Second column, quickly jot all the things that frustrate you on the job and about your workplace. I’d rather you list emotions/feelings elicited than nit picky line items like “broken water cooler,” which may or may not translate as “dehydrated, listless and angry.” Half joking. Cross-check the two columns. This one is more a highly subjective look-see between the two columns to see which is: larger/longer, which items may be completely negated by something in the other column, and overall how each column makes you feel. Do this exercise again same time for the next four weeks. See if recognizing and shifting what you can has changed anything for you. Own what’s yours, weigh what you can’t control against your overall life needs and peace.

Meanwhile, a well-deserved, fun-filled (whatever that means to you) vacation away from the office is always a rejuvenating, reenergizing treat our culture doesn’t take as seriously as it should. Go expedia.com, orbitz.com, or Travelocity.com (among others) — do a staycation — but go forward, Path Trekker!

Stop and smell the rose essential oil,

BadWitch

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Dear Path Trekker,

Follow the tickle. The question is what inspires you and leads you t wan to spend your time in the activity.

The truth is whatever you choose to do will, no doubt, use some of the very skills and contacts you have honed over all these years. Though, you may decide the field you are in no longer serves, skills are transferable.

To start, yes, schedule a vacation. Give yourself time from the pressures of everyday to get a read on whether you enjoy the duties and opportunities available to you in your everyday career. Then it’s time you play Blue Sky/

What would you do if there were no limits? If money, security, social pressure and guilt were taken out of the work/life/career equation, what would you do with your time for work, fun, joy?

The questions to such answers may be unrealistic when normal life circumstances are applied, but it will start to point you in the right direction. You will see more clearly where your interest lie.

The key is to rest up and give yourself the time and space to figure out how you feel and what you want.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Playin’ the Numbers: Truthfulness

Why can’t we all tell the truth all the time? And didn’t Jim Carey and Ricky Gervaise already star in those? No, yes they di’ent. — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I would say I’m 90% if not 95% truthful. Why is it so hard for me to go all the way on the small things sometimes? I really want to be a 100% honest but not a sucker. Do you think this is even possible? Numbers Player

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Dear Numbers Player,

A QUESTion for the ages. If we were perfect, why the heck would we need to be here to practice, learn lessons of how to be…better? The small things are usually the hardest things, as well. Think about living with someone you really like or even love. It’s not the big life questions that, on average, get people — but the squeezing the toothpaste tube-esque ones. The annoying niggling things in your saddle you don’t often realize. Those are the things you might want to really take a look at, with regard to your honesty-dishonesty practice. The only other thing I have to contribute is that life is all about probabilities. From physics to insurance tables, there’s no such thing as a sure thing.

Only the naïve believe in absolutes,

BadWitch

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Dear Numbers Player,

What is with the questions this week? Is it possible? Can it be done? Listen, either you have the will to do what you will or you do not. Either you want to be a truthful person or you don’t. Yes, life will throw you curve balls when being fully honest is neither compassionate nor kind. So, what’s more important?

Listen, either you can be an honest person or you can’t. And what separates the two is no more than your will and repeated practice. Either you set yourself to the task like any person working to create a new habit engrained to truth.

I can’t tell you what is possible. That is for each and every person to decide. Either you believe living an honest life is worth the work or you don’t. I can tell you from experience, however, an honest life is a lot less work. No lies to remember. What you see is what you get. Kind of leaves more time for you to be you…and develop some other well-engrained habits. Evolution is great. Everyone should try it.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Self-Expansion Through Self-Expression. (GW)

Want more out of your life? More of that feeling of being deeply loved for who you are? Want more of feeling like you have wrung every moment of life out of every moment of life? Then live out loud. Be you!

Let your true colors sparkle in the sun! Stop trying to be the person you think people will like and be the person you are. Know what happens? You feel loved for who you are because you have never hidden the truth. You feel like you have truly lived your life because you have—fully you.

In the immortal words of Madonna, “Express Yourself

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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UPDATED Bottomless Office Pit: Cake, Gifts & Money Collection

Money collection for office gifts, cakes. Funding co-worker celebrations. Fun, yummy, good or bad idea?  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — If I never have another slice of office birthday cake, I’d live! These constant money drives for other people’s gifts has gotten on my last nerve. Yesterday (she) asked me for money for someone’s baby shower gift in our Utah office who I never even met! This is nuts, crazy, just wrong!!! Give me some good lines.  — Cham-pain Hater

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Dear Cham-pain Hater,

I love cake, I love presents — for me! — so I hear ya, but figure out and clearly state your policy for all to understand about you, and stick with it.

Back in college while working at a major department store, my manager came around at Christmas time to ask for donations to an equally major charity. Coincidentally, this charity had been in the news for administrative financial abuse to fund schmancy lunches and lavish personal travel, and such. I was already consistently giving to an organization of my choice, so when she first asked then attempted to strong-arm me for my hard-earned money (mockingly, “What?! You can’t even give up a dollar?”) — her attitude alone underscored to me that she was only pimping to win a department managers’ contest. That manipulative sort of crap only served to make me stand even firmer in my convictions and state, “Nope. Especially not “even” a dollar.” I freely give to what truly stirs me, and not to earn kiss ass points with a manager competing in a peer contest for a personal gain prize, via my dollars while supposedly campaigning for a charity I didn’t even believe in.

Knowing what you stand for lets you know what you want to fund in life, and keep the change from the rest in your own wallet. In the game of office politics, only give when you expect nothing in return (never give a present to get a present, whether retail or brown-nose points), or all you’ll get is disappointment. Nothing more bitter than a low-carb flourless cake of guilt and shame.

Do-goodahs, pleeeze,

BadWitch

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[No, your RSS and e-Mail subscriptions are not broken. Here’s GW’s added Reply.]

Dear Cake-Champain Hater,

Truth works better than any excuse you can come up with! I would start by asking for a general pool with once yearly contribution (say $20) that is split for all employee presents, like a Christmas Club. I have heard of employees being asked to give $20 a month for other employee gifts. Maybe a $10 a month fund for cake and office morale isn’t asking too much.

My question is, as an employee, don’t you appreciate when your birthday is noticed?  Isn’t that an unrecognized benefit of your work environment? It sounds like you’ve got an office that has taken the time to create a more family like environment. This makes for a comfortable place to work. Believe me, not all offices give a damn whether it’s your birthday, wedding or baby—just do the work.

It is really nice to be appreciated. Your office culture has found a way to give each other recognition of the lives lived outside the cubicle walls. Say thank you and throw in $10. If money is really tight right now, tell your co-workers that truth. They’ll appreciate it. Then throw in $2 or $3.

Family may be a pain in the ass sometimes with their little rituals, but that is the good stuff you remember and appreciate years later. Quit bitching and have some cake.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Bored Games: There’s an App for That, Baby!

Had your fill of daytime TV and gaming? Read every rag in the house back-to-front and back again and…still yearn for more entertainment? Making a break from your own boredom.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I broke my leg really bad. …and now the cast will have to stay on another 3-4 weeks… I’m so bored not being able to leave the house much, or have a lot of trouble when I do, and my housemate doesn’t come home til 7 or 8 and I think I might be driving her crazy entertaining me.. …do you have any suggestions? — Bored Castmate

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Dear Bored Castmate,

You’re right. Your roomie is not Julie, your Love Boat Social Director. Your relationship will benefit (and likely thrive) from you not expecting her to take care of your boredom. No need to break another thing in that house.

Look at this “break” as a metaphor for a much-needed break in your routine of automatic sameness. You will likely benefit to stop trying to be “entertained” perpetually and instead look to see what “work” you need to do for yourself. It may start by taking the mundane and meditative route of basic housecleaning. In that mindlessness, you might stir up some real dust and uncover a long-forgotten dream or passion. Entertain your own dang self, Bored Castmate. Start working on identifying your truest desires, towards fulfilling them — now that’s entertainment! Get to work on truly coming Home, Tom Hanks.

Castaway,

BadWitch

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Dear Bored Castmate,

Another 3-4 weeks! It’s not a death sentence. I completely understand your disappointment, however, seems more important to let you leg heal properly than worry about being shuttled around.

To start, you’ve got a broken leg, you’re not a shut-in. Yes, hiking, marathon running are all out right now. But movies are totally doable, as are restaurant lunch and dinners. Even a trip to a friend’s house or having friends over can make a difference. If you feel like a shut-in, it’s because you are acting like one.

Sure, maybe you can’t drive with that leg. Call a cab or ask friends to give you rides and sweep across the backseat. Who cares? It’s the room you need. Go slow in and out with your crutches and ask to be dropped off right in front. You can make it. Probably no harder than figuring out how to walk across a newly waxed floor in your first pair of stilettos. Take a deep breath, buck up your courage and decide it’s time to live your life—whether hampered by a broken leg or not.

I remember when my sister broke her knee and required surgery and to hang around with an ankle to hip brace for an entire summer. You know, she couldn’t drive. We lived in the ‘burbs of the Bronx and all of life happened in Manhattan. You know, I don’t remember how she got around, but I do remember that being one of the most fun summers of our lives. Sure, we stayed home more, but we had friends and family visit from out of town. We went to dinner. We went to the movies. We lived.

How do you do it? Decide to be happy now. Then do what you need to do to make it happen.

Happy travels,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Pressure Valve: Eat Pray Love Increments Needed to Escape (BW)

Ask any of my family or true friends — I’m all about the pressure valve! I don’t believe in suffering silently, but first and foremost, I don’t believe in “suffering” as a means to wise happiness. In order for happiness to be lasting, it must come from inside out. Innate and sustainable, as foundation. This makes constant care and tending to our “inside” (the physical and psycho-emotional) all the more important a habit to cultivate into routine — not a selfish or arrogant event. But it can seem impossible to simultaneously take care of business and the never-ending details life throws at us, and opt in for self-care. Integration is the way to more balance and a self-preservation routine that nurtures your own resources to create more in your life — to Be the most whole and integral you.

Every task offers an opportunity (you don’t have to take every one. Choices!) for opting into the self-care of a pressure valve. You can choose to do things the hard way (like taking care of everyone else’s business, and asking if there’s any more you can do, while neglecting your own needs from exhaustion) or you can make sure everyone has the tools to handle their own business properly, and to a harmonious whole (e.g., tribe/family goals and culture) and then — step off! Micromanagement comes from insecurity (most often of the micromanager’s real or projected fears). Be fearless. Teach then trust! Pressure valve your life more often (doesn’t have to be loud or animated like mine, but rather nurturing in your own way). Come to balance for less need to escape but rather to Be.

How do you incrementally escape your life’s pressures? Do you have a go-to pressure valve? — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Dressed for Success? Or GNO?

When your smart friend makes inappropriate work clothes choices, how do you tell her it’s not Girl’s Night Out? Telling the empress she might be better off naked than hoochie.  — BadWitch

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King Day. Spread the Dream.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I met my best friend at our work. Sometimes she dresses like a hoochie mama. Or like she’s ready for the club more than a meeting. How do I tell her? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.  — What Not to Wear

 

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Dear What Not to Wear,

It’s tough when your girlfriend thinks she’s amazing crazy, sexy, cool in the VIP lounge and the queen of the boardroom, too. Props for her confidence, but should someone’s self-esteem be tied to their sexuality, it can be an extra confusing line to tow. We know that no woman enjoys having anyone tell her she doesn’t look her best or most professional (and in certain environs, the line for appropriate women’s work apparel can be even thinner). Challenge! Be a BFF by telling your girl the truth but with the intention of helping her excel in the workplace by reinforcing the best of what makes her confident.

You know her personality best (and the healthy dosage of reality you can administer before she ODs and crashes), so keep that in mind while telling her something like this: “As your office BFF, you know how much I admire your skills and how smart you are here at work. But having gone clubbing with you, too, sometimes it seems to me that you confuse your two lives through your choice of work clothes. In the office I want your image to reflect your successful work, so I’m suggesting that you might consider clothes that people who aren’t your BFFs can recognize your smarts right away in. Maybe longer skirts and higher tops (fill-in-her-offenses), are more appropriate work clothes? The only reason I wanted to tell you this is so you can do something productive about it. I only ever have your best interest in mind.” Then drop it. If she is ready, she will take in what you suggest and enact her own spin on it, if not, she will probably still hear it subconsciously and file it away for later.

Smart friends speak up with love,

BadWitch

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Dear What Not to Wear,

Much like telling a friend their mate is cheating on them, tread very carefully. If your friend is dressing like a “hootchie mama” obviously she draws a lot of her sense of self-worth from her sexiness. Asking her to tamp that down or letting her know you find it inappropriate, it may be taken as more of a personal slap than intended.

I find television to be very instructive. Style Network’s “How Do I look?” may be a great addition to your DVR cue. Then maybe a night with some wine, TV and well-placed comments. This show has friends tell friends when their “look” is inappropriate—either too trashy or, well, too trashy. The show even offers coaching for contestants, as well as makeovers, so you hear first-hand how to talk someone down off the Hootchie Mama Wagon.

Watch the show before-hand and decide whether you want to take your friend to dinner (definitely with wine) and discuss the issue of whether you want to do a covert, “Let’s watch some TV at my house. I saw the funniest new makeover show!” Perhaps check into some resources for personal shoppers and fashion consultants. Give your friend the opportunity to discover other sides about herself.

And lastly, somewhere in all this, let your friend know that she is a sexy, beautiful woman to the degree that flaunting her sexuality can create unnecessary competition, jealousies and unwanted attention. Let her know that you love and respect her. Let her know she’s sexy even wearing a garbage bag. Help her see her sexuality in more ways than a super short hemline and low cut blouse.

Be a friend. Tell the truth—one way or another.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

 

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

 

 

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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