Tag Archives: success

The Real Clash: Stay or Should I Go?

Burn outs are kinda cool in a hot rod. Not so much on the job. How to stay cooler.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — …career of 12 years…What constitutes “burn out”? How do you know if you are actually burned out and it would be wise to find a new course to pursue, or whether you just need a long vacation, and should stay put in the industry you spent so much time developing skills, contacts and your reputation in? Path Trekker

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Dear Path Trekker,

Check out what we told Miller Time about his job exhaustion.

As for what constitutes “job burn out,” as usual, I suggest you do review columns. This time, list all the things that first ignited, attracted and fueled you to and on your job. Second column, quickly jot all the things that frustrate you on the job and about your workplace. I’d rather you list emotions/feelings elicited than nit picky line items like “broken water cooler,” which may or may not translate as “dehydrated, listless and angry.” Half joking. Cross-check the two columns. This one is more a highly subjective look-see between the two columns to see which is: larger/longer, which items may be completely negated by something in the other column, and overall how each column makes you feel. Do this exercise again same time for the next four weeks. See if recognizing and shifting what you can has changed anything for you. Own what’s yours, weigh what you can’t control against your overall life needs and peace.

Meanwhile, a well-deserved, fun-filled (whatever that means to you) vacation away from the office is always a rejuvenating, reenergizing treat our culture doesn’t take as seriously as it should. Go expedia.com, orbitz.com, or Travelocity.com (among others) — do a staycation — but go forward, Path Trekker!

Stop and smell the rose essential oil,

BadWitch

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Dear Path Trekker,

Follow the tickle. The question is what inspires you and leads you t wan to spend your time in the activity.

The truth is whatever you choose to do will, no doubt, use some of the very skills and contacts you have honed over all these years. Though, you may decide the field you are in no longer serves, skills are transferable.

To start, yes, schedule a vacation. Give yourself time from the pressures of everyday to get a read on whether you enjoy the duties and opportunities available to you in your everyday career. Then it’s time you play Blue Sky/

What would you do if there were no limits? If money, security, social pressure and guilt were taken out of the work/life/career equation, what would you do with your time for work, fun, joy?

The questions to such answers may be unrealistic when normal life circumstances are applied, but it will start to point you in the right direction. You will see more clearly where your interest lie.

The key is to rest up and give yourself the time and space to figure out how you feel and what you want.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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A Degree in No Meaning 101. Son Most Likely to Be College Dropout

When the going gets tough…this son wants to stop going…to college. Is a college degree worthwhile in today’s job market? Is a degree from Harvard as valuable as one from Online Masters Degree or your local community college? How much effort should be spent on higher education?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Our son wants to drop out of college. He’s a senior but since most of his junior year, this former high school straight-A student has been barely passing his courses. He feels getting a degree in this market is meaningless as there are no jobs. What do you think? Pre-qualifier

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Dear Pre-qualifier,

All things equal, this is what I believe: to go further in life, finish what you start. While I’m fully aware that there may be many reasons to dropout and that  college is not for everyone, this doesn’t seem to have been your son’s case as he qualified with a strong GPA, kept his grades up for his previous three university years, and only now seems to have decided he’s done and is throwing in the towel (attitudinally if not literally, yet). Investigate to make sure something else (that wasn’t his choice) hasn’t happened to him that triggered such a behavioral change — something that may require your (or professionals’) help — like an illness or abusive incident. Barring such external situations, your Pre-qualifer needs to slow down to step up and look at his real motives against the long road before him that is his future.

Yes the job market is down and college loans are expensive to pay back, but both are achievable with his diligence and tenacity. He’s so close now, why handicap himself needlessly (an undergrad degree (BA/BS) is a minimal requirement for most jobs today)? I picked up a great life character assessment tool inadvertently from a long-ago writing workshop: Character isn’t what he says, but what he does. Your son has barely made his appearance in Act 1.

Stay in school,

BadWitch

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Dear Pre-qualifier,

Your best bet is to help your son move beyond apathy. Basing your future on a pessimistic outlook is betting on failure. And why play the game without a winning hand of cards?

Your son is so close to the finish line. maybe he’s not a star ‘A’ student anymore, but if he’s still passing it’s worth completing the journey. The future available to a college graduate has more possibilities than one without. No matter what the economic future is in this country, it is better to be more prepared for greatness rather than less.

Help your son see the possibilities he may be giving up. It’s time to realize that the future starts now. If you want all the opportunities, you have o take the one’s available to you in the now. Cause really that’s all any of us have—now.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

 

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

 

 

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Pressure Valve: Eat Pray Love Increments Needed to Escape (BW)

Ask any of my family or true friends — I’m all about the pressure valve! I don’t believe in suffering silently, but first and foremost, I don’t believe in “suffering” as a means to wise happiness. In order for happiness to be lasting, it must come from inside out. Innate and sustainable, as foundation. This makes constant care and tending to our “inside” (the physical and psycho-emotional) all the more important a habit to cultivate into routine — not a selfish or arrogant event. But it can seem impossible to simultaneously take care of business and the never-ending details life throws at us, and opt in for self-care. Integration is the way to more balance and a self-preservation routine that nurtures your own resources to create more in your life — to Be the most whole and integral you.

Every task offers an opportunity (you don’t have to take every one. Choices!) for opting into the self-care of a pressure valve. You can choose to do things the hard way (like taking care of everyone else’s business, and asking if there’s any more you can do, while neglecting your own needs from exhaustion) or you can make sure everyone has the tools to handle their own business properly, and to a harmonious whole (e.g., tribe/family goals and culture) and then — step off! Micromanagement comes from insecurity (most often of the micromanager’s real or projected fears). Be fearless. Teach then trust! Pressure valve your life more often (doesn’t have to be loud or animated like mine, but rather nurturing in your own way). Come to balance for less need to escape but rather to Be.

How do you incrementally escape your life’s pressures? Do you have a go-to pressure valve? — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Dressed for Success? Or GNO?

When your smart friend makes inappropriate work clothes choices, how do you tell her it’s not Girl’s Night Out? Telling the empress she might be better off naked than hoochie.  — BadWitch

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King Day. Spread the Dream.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I met my best friend at our work. Sometimes she dresses like a hoochie mama. Or like she’s ready for the club more than a meeting. How do I tell her? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.  — What Not to Wear

 

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Dear What Not to Wear,

It’s tough when your girlfriend thinks she’s amazing crazy, sexy, cool in the VIP lounge and the queen of the boardroom, too. Props for her confidence, but should someone’s self-esteem be tied to their sexuality, it can be an extra confusing line to tow. We know that no woman enjoys having anyone tell her she doesn’t look her best or most professional (and in certain environs, the line for appropriate women’s work apparel can be even thinner). Challenge! Be a BFF by telling your girl the truth but with the intention of helping her excel in the workplace by reinforcing the best of what makes her confident.

You know her personality best (and the healthy dosage of reality you can administer before she ODs and crashes), so keep that in mind while telling her something like this: “As your office BFF, you know how much I admire your skills and how smart you are here at work. But having gone clubbing with you, too, sometimes it seems to me that you confuse your two lives through your choice of work clothes. In the office I want your image to reflect your successful work, so I’m suggesting that you might consider clothes that people who aren’t your BFFs can recognize your smarts right away in. Maybe longer skirts and higher tops (fill-in-her-offenses), are more appropriate work clothes? The only reason I wanted to tell you this is so you can do something productive about it. I only ever have your best interest in mind.” Then drop it. If she is ready, she will take in what you suggest and enact her own spin on it, if not, she will probably still hear it subconsciously and file it away for later.

Smart friends speak up with love,

BadWitch

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Dear What Not to Wear,

Much like telling a friend their mate is cheating on them, tread very carefully. If your friend is dressing like a “hootchie mama” obviously she draws a lot of her sense of self-worth from her sexiness. Asking her to tamp that down or letting her know you find it inappropriate, it may be taken as more of a personal slap than intended.

I find television to be very instructive. Style Network’s “How Do I look?” may be a great addition to your DVR cue. Then maybe a night with some wine, TV and well-placed comments. This show has friends tell friends when their “look” is inappropriate—either too trashy or, well, too trashy. The show even offers coaching for contestants, as well as makeovers, so you hear first-hand how to talk someone down off the Hootchie Mama Wagon.

Watch the show before-hand and decide whether you want to take your friend to dinner (definitely with wine) and discuss the issue of whether you want to do a covert, “Let’s watch some TV at my house. I saw the funniest new makeover show!” Perhaps check into some resources for personal shoppers and fashion consultants. Give your friend the opportunity to discover other sides about herself.

And lastly, somewhere in all this, let your friend know that she is a sexy, beautiful woman to the degree that flaunting her sexuality can create unnecessary competition, jealousies and unwanted attention. Let her know that you love and respect her. Let her know she’s sexy even wearing a garbage bag. Help her see her sexuality in more ways than a super short hemline and low cut blouse.

Be a friend. Tell the truth—one way or another.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

 

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

 

 

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Boss Throws Employee Under the Bus

What to do when the Boss Formerly Known as “Cool” goes gonzo berserk-o on you? Managing your manager in times of stress.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have enjoyed my job with a company until recently. I truly believe in their mission but now I find my immediate boss is totally stressed out and throwing me under the bus for things he’s missed and that his boss is getting on him for. He’s been listing off a bunch of crap and cc’ing everyone in the management chain on it. I don’t agree with his comments, but not because I’m defensive. He’s just throwing me under the bus. How do I deal with this without losing my job I need so much? Run Over

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Dear Run Over,

Ah!, petty tyrants! It’s true what they say, that they are usually our biggest teachers in life. So congrats for the promotion to working with one now. …Having said that…

When the going is good, it’s easy to be a cool and fun boss, so I will cut his current bad “skills” some slack in this stressed time. This only means I’m suggesting you schedule a one-on-one with him to discuss the concerns you’ve outlined here. This isn’t about proving a thesis or giving a lecture, but rather to address then seek cues and clues as to length and duration of his said offensive behaviors, and mutually identify some possible solutions. This first meeting should primarily be an assessment to determine a direction for your next steps in the workplace. Even if he is completely and totally open to agreeing with you and admitting his ineffective management conduct (and he won’t), changing behaviors is a process. But should he respond other than with that miracle, you will want to very carefully understand where he is coming from, for your own good actions moving forward.

Email cc’g everyone with accusations (founded or unfounded) about you both meets usual protocol in many offices, as well as is unprofessional if the tone or outright accusation is wrong. I would highlight this in your conversation, because likely he received a good chew out from above, and he is very possibly covering his tracks behind him (a.k.a. CYA or self-preservation).

Let him know you are open to making improvements (tasks and relationships). Be objective, speak plainly but respectfully. Don’t interrupt each other. By the end of the meeting, you will know exactly what you must do next. Oh and document, document, document.

Dialogue means “two” and reciprocal,

BadWitch

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Dear Run Over,

There’s a lot of this “throwing under the bus” going around. My guess is your boss, who I will describe as a wimp with power, is either too scared for the safety of their own job or trapped in a perfectionist mindset that keeps him unable to fess up when it’s his fault. It takes a mature person to admit when they are wrong. Apparently, your boss still has some growing up to do.

It is horrible when you are feeling less motivated for he overall mission of the company because your immediate boss is unable o act in a mature manner. But don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Surely, if you still want this job, you get that one person’s actions do not add up to the entire value of a company. Keep going.

My answer, be sure that you give your own answer to some of these email. It is not being defensive to either give your version of events or let the higher ups know critical pieces of information were missing when you were doing your piece of the work. Chances are your higher ups already know the problems with this manager. Give them the info they need to make the right decisions. Let them know that you are the scapegoat without actually pointing fingers. Just tell the truth with as little emotion as possible. Ask questions. Let your higher ups know you are trying to do the right thing.

Truth is the higher ups as probably less than impressed that these issues keep crossing their desk. Your boss needs to realize the sign of a good manager is the ability to help their team get things right. Training up underlings leads to a crack team where everyone is invested in the outcome. Pointing fingers and waiting to throw people under the bus every time something goes wrong leads to decreased productivity. Your team should not be working on pins and needles. If you are constantly waiting for the axe to drop, you’ll be questioning your work rather than really working to do your best. No one likes to be waiting to see whether there job will be threatened every time they make a mistake.

Face it, your boss is a wimp who doesn’t understand that the truly powerful empower the people who work for them for the best of all. He’s too focused on taking credit for everything done well and throwing you under the bus for anything wrong. Do your best work and let the higher ups know what’s going on—for your sanity and your job!

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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“At-Will” Relationships (inspiration)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

“Behavior is a mirror in which every one displays his own image.” ~ Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“He who is brave is free.” ~ Seneca

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” ~ Winston Churchill

“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” ~ Unknown

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.


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Quitting Low Principles. Job Rock is a Hard Place

Is there any right market to quit your job for your principles?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Our office is a bit Don’t Ask Don’t Tell. I can’t stand it. I don’t mean this officially but there is a culture that gays and some people with differing political opinions from the bosses keep quiet. This bothers me. Do you think I should consider quitting for my principles in this markets? Gag Ordered

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Dear Gag Ordered,

Interesting way to pose your question, Gag Ordered. If your bosses’ opinions are so strong as to be openly culturized, I would think that this isn’t a new phenomenon and either you just raised your head out of the sand to notice it (or were called out on the mat personally), or that your own sense of priorities has been awakened possibly for the first time in your life. Therefore, I don’t think it matters what we think regarding your employer’s practices or the state of the economy, but rather how you feel about whatever real issue concerns you so much. If it truly is about a political or sexual orientation matter, that’s one thing. If it is about your new awakening and sensitization to your own intolerance for repression, dishonesty or emotional lying, that is an entirely different (and larger) thing that has little to nothing to do with this or any job market. Weigh your priorities (by definition, your bills are already on that scale), be discerning not overwhelmed.

Tibi ipsi esto fidelis (To thine own self be true),

BadWitch

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Dear Gag Ordered,

I can understand wanting a work environment with like minded people, but let’s not be crazy.

I mean, I get your ire and the feeling you just can’t take it anymore. However, practicality should win out. If you are unhappy, start to look for a new job in a more tolerant, liberal company, but until you have a new job, sit down, shut up and keep rolling. If nothing else, appreciate that Right-wing oppressors are paying for the rent and lifestyles of their undercover left wing liberals, gay and atheist employees. That’s karma.

Also, remember, you work at this company to support the mission, to gain wisdom and experience and to further your career. Use it. Do so. At the same time, explore companies known for liberal leaning. Check out Top Companies to work for and find companies that align mission beyond the web page to day to day interactions and decent treatment of employees.

I know it can be difficult to seemingly put your morals and your heart on the shelf from 9-5 everyday, but again, remember the karma. Takes most of the sting out of it.

Happy job hunting. The right place is out there for you somewhere. Just be sure you have a safe place to land before you jump. For your own peace of mind.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Image: istockphoto/Kutay Tanir

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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