Tag Archives: Social Networking

Social Networking Today Without Yesterday’s Baggage

Whether you’re hoping to bump into old acquaintances on a pleasure or business trip on the good new Social Network, pack lightly. Avoiding dragging baggage from old Planet Paartay! forward when reaching out to now-successful classmates.  — BadWitch

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Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’ve changed drastically since college. I really feel together and hitting my stride now as an adult. Recently I saw an ex-classmate’s book published (she already had one on the New York Times best sellers list) and tried to reach out to her at LinkedIn and then later at Facebook. She hasn’t responded to me, and I know it’s crazy but am actually worried she still thinks of me as the old college party girl I used to be when nothing could be farther from the truth. I’m not broken up and taking it personally, I just want to reach out to a successful colleague. Any suggestions?  — Upgraded

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Dear Upgraded,

Facebook and LinkedIn are very different animals that require different tones for success as tools. It’s Monday, so I’m addressing the professional network, LinkedIn. Above the ones you’ve already taken, the next logical steps are obvious to me, try further reaching out to her via her publisher or PR agent’s contacts. If you do so, state your reach-out business clearly and succinctly (e.g., “In updating my profiles, I saw your name (congratulations on your recent publishing success) and realized how mutually beneficial reconnecting could be for us…”), just as efficiently, sum up why/what makes you of interest to her today. Why should she care about you? Stand behind it, send it, then stop. No need to look like you’re stalking her. Girl, have you realized maybe she’s just busy?

Because of this, sounds to me like you’d benefit from truly examining why you are personally so keen to reconnect with her. Is it simple success-by-association, maybe you want to kiss her butt or even have this successful woman see and recognize your triumphant evolution to kiss yours. Be truthful with yourself.

Giving closure to unfinished business only helps us move forward more robustly. When we reach back to connect with people, it’s helpful (more for some of us than others) to acknowledge and appreciate developmentally where we left off with them (and get real — this is the only point of reference they have to identify us with — unless we were famously or infamously more recently publicized in some way they would be privy to) and the Maybe reasons this particular person’s opinion of our successes are important to us today. What did she symbolize for you — have you fulfilled or given that quality to yourself yet? Can you give closure (through full acceptance) to your old party ways and that you needed them to become more fully who you are today?

Link yourself in first, classmate,

BadWitch

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Dear Upgraded,

Well, your ex-classmate is clearly an idiot. Social media is an excellent way to build fan base and buzz about your books. I would think the smart thing to do would be to accept all friend requests. Also, if this person cannot think that perhaps you have changed since college, as most of us do, she is either very good at carrying a grudge or stuck in the past.

For you, I would not stay stuck in the idea of whether or not she approves of you. I understand wanting to reach out to a successful friend, but if that friend does not offer a hand in return—is it truly a friend? Or a ghost of associations past.

Leave your friend request out there. She may yet respond and friend you. In the mean time, go on. Continue toward your own success. Friend requests can linger for a year before someone responds.

I would suggest some energetic work to try and bring your picture and her’s up to present time. Imagine a sphere about 20 inches away from you (think outside your personal space). This sphere represents your relationship with this woman. See the two of you as adults in the space talking across a table. Drop a grounding chord from this sphere to the center of the earth. This will bring the energetic space between how the two of you see each other. Fill the space with a pink light with gold flecks. This is the energy of compassion. It will help you both with understanding.

For you, let go of any unforgiveness or shame you are holding against yourself. Being a party girl in college is to be expected. You learned and walked your path of life. The experiences you have experienced have made you the person you are. I get that whatever self-disrespect is minor in your case, but the fact that this non-friending gets under your skin, says some shame remains. You are perfect and you always were. Any appearances of your being anything other than the person you were suppose to be to learn the lessons you were meant to learn at each and every stage of your life, is a lie. You have always been and will always be perfectly you.

Chose new lessons to learn. Clear old the old shame. Bring yourself and your relationships into present time and watch your life and relationships settle, balance and bloom.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.


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Hello, My Name is Jon & I’m Addicted to Social Networking

O!, what a tangled web we weave. More and more people feel caught in their own Social web instead of in their real life (RL). And all social skills are not created equally. — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW— Help me! I’m being held captive in a Social factory! I spend wayyy too many hours every day at my socials. Facebook, Twitter and YouTube. Is there such a thing as balanced online life?! — Nothing but Social Life

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Dear Nothing but Social Life,

I call obsession to being online constantly BSOS, or Bright Shiny Objects Syndrome. Let’s be clear: you have an obsession (a mental preocupation) not a true addiction (a dependency) — but sadly it’s funnier to say you’re addicted when it comes to something so seemingly small yet insidious as Social networking. This phenomenon is relatively new to the past 15 years, give or take, and it does represent a real and potentially damaging and problem for kids or teens — anyone still developing (physically (brain), academically (reading/spelling), emotionally and socially (critical thinking, emotional balance, and inter-/intrapersonal communication)). The debate’s still out on whether social networking and massive hours online for kids is good or bad. Depending on what age/stage you are, the problem as you described  it can affect one differently.

Spending the majority hours of your day online “being social” is not the same thing as actually Having a Real Life, which takes skills, time and effort, and practice. If you have a RL, then web Socials can be an enhancement, not a replacement. My advice in a nutshell: Go outside and play! One feeds the other. The inside of your head is never as fascinating a place to anyone else as it is to you. Just the facts, ma’am/sir. The classic building blocks of  social, cultural and personal development still hold true: learning how to read and write (properly) gives U a leg up 2 understndg ur world historically and presently, which assists in having conversations with others to stimulate and grow your brain’s logic, speech, spatial and judgment centers, which all add up to the ability for having a fuller, more satisfying and balanced social life.

While out of balance Social networking is an obsession rather than an addiction, I still recommend checking how OCD a personality you might have as a good starting point to help you identify some of your behaviors and/or motivations. Otherwise, “addiction” to Socials is much more akin to work addiciton than a classic addiction (e.g., sex or drugs), and coming to balance is obviously the goal.

Start there. Answer the questions in the article link above, and start understanding what motivates your persistent, maybe obsessive Social usage. You can always try implementing a couple simple Social habit-breaking rules for yourself over 6 weeks (time to change a habit).

Balance your RL & Social lives: 1) only log on if you actually have something truly interesting and/or “newsworthy” to say, and; 2) if you can say it all by spending no more than 30 minutes a day updating, Replying, or browsing your Socials. Then between Weeks 2-4 of your habit-changing 6 weeks, drop 5 minutes each week from your time online at your Socials, until you are only logging in for 15 minutes a day. I recommend the stopwatch on your iPhone (a good personal use for a mobile!) or other alarm system.

In all your newly found free time, you can develop your people watching, reading and conversational skills more often in the RW.

Logging off,

BadWitch

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Dear Nothing But Social Life,

I hope your social life happens in the 3-D world, as well. The beauty of social media is the beauty of connection. You can connect with friends of long ago and people you don’t know, even celebrities. But unless that is balanced with loving relationships in the 3-D world, you are missing out on hugs, kisses, and infectious belly laughs that roll on and on. The good news is your social obsession may be the very means of stepping back into the real world—you know, offline.

You can find people from your class living in your city and send a message to meet up. Speaking of meeting up, MeetUp.com leverages social media for a 3-D world. You find what you like to do — from archery to cooking, talking about the brain to best happy hours — in the real world and meet other folks who are into the same thing there. Joining groups with similar interests can create lifelong bonds. Jane Austen Book Club, anyone?

Your social life comes with distance built in. Time, location, and an electronic device come between you and your online interactions. You can edit what you say, before blurting it out and can actually delete what you say. Would that the real-world were so forgiving. That is why we can feel more comfortable behind our socials than in the 3-D.

Meld them both for optimum balance, health and sanity. Did you know hugs reduce your heart rate and stress levels — proven. People with close relationships (on and off screen, mind you) live longer than those who do not, again, proven.

Funny thing is if you were a social addict, had to be out in the world and around people 24-7, I would counsel you to spend ore time alone and draw some boundaries in your life, perhaps even using social media as a tool. But, in your case, you have bridged two worlds. You are in the world, but not of it, which may work in the Buddah’s mind to lighten the soul, but if you are here in this 3-D, in a body, well make the most of it. Get out and go places you’ve never been before, even if it’s just neighborhoods in your city. Go for walks and actually chat with strangers. Besides, if you need a hit, check your mobile and upload a couple of status updates, that automatically feed your Tweet.

There’s no cold turkey needed here. Besides the fifth edition of Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders has already by-passed online addiction as an actual social disorder.

Screen time + 3-D time=balance.

Get Happy,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.


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