Tag Archives: snitching

Lawbreaking Friend vs. Your Ethics

To snitch or not to snitch? That is the update, Shakespeare. Preserving your ethics when friends do break the law.    — BadWitch

P.S. HAPPY VETERAN’S DAY (enjoy this well done and helpful video). Much gratitude to those who served and sacrificed.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — A friend I love did something illegal I can’t tell you the details of. What do you do if a close lifelong friend does something like this? Do I turn him in? — Shawshanked Heart

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Dear Shawshanked Heart,

Ah, ethics. Yo, Shawshanked, we may be without the details, but I think you know exactly what you must do. I think you’re here for permission to do a hard thing. While it is always about increments and degrees of a thing’s severity, truth and sticking to your own ethics and values don’t shift. Speak up and separate his crime from yours of being a silent accessory after the fact. If you are so bothered by the bad behvior(s) of a loved one, I think you owe it to yourself and him to do the right thing…the one in your heart. Not saying it’s easy. They call it “tough love” for a reason. Sometimes truth telling is hardest for the truth sayer to do, when a loved one is involved. You already feel what you know you should do – now give yourself the courage to do that thing that represents your own best self.

Here are two very different yet related questions you might want to review.

Good luck,

BadWitch

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Dear Shawshanked Heart,

Wow. This is a very heavy issue and without knowing the severity of the crime, whether someone was hurt by these actions, it is very hard to answer this question. This is firmly somewhere in the middle of some deep gray areas.

If the issue is your conscience AND no one was hurt in the making of this criminal action, then one must wonder whether saying anything is for the defense of your own moral high ground and/or revenge. Did your friend brag or pour a guilty heart in front of you? Was this information shared as a deep bonding moment of deepest secrets? Would you respect yourself if you broke a confidence and broke someone else’s heart by telling what you know? Sometimes the moral high ground is not really very high if you have to betray and hurt others to take it.

On the other hand, if your friend did something in which other people were hurt then it becomes a whole different story. You wonder how many people VanderSloot bragged to who never mentioned a thing to the authorities, despite the fact that a girl is missing and her family continues to mourn and search for her.

In a case such as this, with victims, it may be necessary to move beyond weighing your loyalty to a friend and responsibility to the larger community. If you think there is any chance that this illegal act might happen again, you will need to step forward before anyone else is hurt.

Whatever the specific details, just be sure you are not stepping in to take over someone else’s karmic lessons [link: Whatever the specific details, just be sure you are not stepping in to take over someone else’s karmic lessons — either by telling because he has to pay for minor sins or not telling when others may be put in harms way. I appreciate how and why you wrote to us looking for input, but really, you must judge what is right for your own soul. Will you harbor guilt (a depleting emotions) because you said nothing? Can you live with yourself if this person commits this act again?

Pray over this answer because you will be affecting your friendship and his life. Felons don’t just pop back into society with ease. Jobs are barred. Housing is barred. In the end, just make sure you are doing the right thing in your heart for the right reasons.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Image: Avada Kedavra

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Sticky Fingered Situation: Theft or Snitch?

If he steals, should you squeal? Oh, and crazy manager dis, too.  — BadWitch

P.S. Welcome to our new friends. Our publishing schedule and where you can send your questions to us are at the bottom of each post. See you back here Thursday!

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Some money has gone missing from our petty cashbox at work. My manager asked me to keep an eye on someone (just because I often have lunch with this guy on account of our schedules) he suspects. I have nothing to do with the cashbox, and I don’t like snitches. I can’t believe my friend would do something like this, but you never know, and I don’t want to get involved. What should I tell my manager to get out of it? — Boxed In

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Dear Boxed In,

Taking your description at face value, I doubt I could undermine your manager’s authority more than he’s done himself by saying he’s a nut job, technically speaking, of course. Some people just don’t appear ready for authority over others. This sounds more like an episode of Punk’d or a page out of a What Not to Do page I’m imagining, from Managing for Dummies.

Now onto you and your authority over yourself. If ostensibly you see nothing, then you have nothing to report. Right? But if you did see something firsthand, would you report it or stick to your “no snitching” guns? Mull over your values now: do you strongly believe stealing or snitching is wrong no matter the circumstances, or do think your loyalty to a friend is more important than to your employer? No one can answer those questions for you so get on it, cupcake.

Securely you,

BadWitch

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Dear Boxed In,

“Snitch?” What are we in prison? Are you going to shank someone?

Listen, as a parent, I may have a different take on things. You see, one who cannot honor the bounds of good citizenship, i.e. not biting the hand that feeds him, does not deserve protection from his deeds coming to light. If my child were to steal or bully or in some other way offend the bounds of good citizenship, I would expect someone to inform me. Why? Not because I seek to punish, but rather to have that child bear the karma of the act, learn from it and grow into a better person and a better citizen.

Harsh? No. I believe living in truth is the only way to live a life of peace. And I don’t mean the peace of self-righteousness. I mean the peace of living honestly with no baggage to lie, hide, of be ashamed of. That is peace.

If your friend is innocent, then you have nothing to fear about reporting what you hear from him on the crime. If, however, as I think you believe, your friend is guilty then you must ask yourself, is it better to hide the sins of a thief, so he may feel as if he has gotten away with it, giving him license to steal again?

Find the middle way. Tell your friend that others, i.e. your manager, believe he stole the money and that for the safety of his job and reputation he should return it. If he was slippery getting it out, he can be slippery getting it back in. You will have given your friend the opportunity to learn from his mistakes—hopefully, without the cost of his job.

Just tell your manager you will keep your ears open. Frankly, you do not want to be seen as aligned with the thief. Then, tell your friend what needs to be said, “Whoever stole the money is stupid and short-sighted. The few dollars will not compare to a salary. They should return the money before they have lost the security of a paycheck for a few extra dollars in their pockets between paydays.”

Do the right thing,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.