Packing light has its benes in numerous scenarios. I can hear some of you out there now, “What if I need it?” or, “I just don’t want to be caught short without that…” Lovah pleeze! When getting ready for any adventure, whether on the road, air — or in love— BadWitch says it’s always sensible to be a good Scout: anticipate, be prepared for the worst, expect the best then carry on! — BadWitch
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Ladies, Wish You Were Here! – How do I keep the baggage from my last relationship out of my current one? I know it’s unfair of me but I find that I can’t keep past wrongs out of my present relationship. Help! — Time Weary Traveler, Studio City, CA
Dear Love Packer,
How To Pack Efficiently For Your Love Trip
Destination: wherever you go, there you are. Weather: TODAY! Sunny & clear. 5-day forecast not available. Cover ups: pack only essentials that are flexible enough to do double-duty, i.e., a wrap as a beach cover; a plain life’s-a-beach white T-shirt can go under a jacket for schmancy dining. Carry-on: barebones survival items (one small-sized entertainment accoutrement allowed) are acceptable and cheaper in the long-run than 10 lbs. of throwaway mags, an extra laptop, and deflecting/dodging tools like your work items – this is supposed to be a love trip, after all. Once You’re There: get over your tired self, there’s time to sleep on the beach or under the table. Unpack and wisely put everything away in its place prudently. Then you avoid wasting precious Now Love Trip time wondering where This is, or when fugly old That’s gonna pop up – you knew it! – at the worst time.
Once you both know where everything is, and respecting each other’s space doing that, you can just get on with the gory glory of this Now Love Trip. From body shots to annuities everything that comes in between will have a better chance of sight seeing and knowledge expansion in the light of TODAY!
I don’t care how many trips you’ve been on, you have never seen these particular monuments, terrain, or quiet, thought-inducing places of worship ever before. On those trips, neither of you were who you are TODAY. Besides, what’dya think you’re Jane Seymour meeting Christopher Reeve on some love-crossed time-space epic, or something?
Dear Time Weary Traveler,
Staying in the present moment is one of the most under-valued human abilities. If the urban legend that we only use 20% of our brains were actually true (it’s not), we would discover the other 80% to be the muscle used to keep our focus in the present moment—not ten minutes from now, not 10 years ago.
Exercising this muscle is imperative to living a happy life. If your energy is pulled into the future, your focus is on manipulating the present moment for best outcome. That’s work, not enjoyment. If you are carrying the baggage of the past into your present moment, you are living in pain-avoidance—always on alert for signs someone or something will hurt you, so you can avoid it happening again. Certainly, not a peppy, optimistic outlook.
Dragging the past into your current relationship, does not give you or your new partner room to really be in the relationship. You are not dating just him/her. You are dating every one you’ve dated before (especially the ones that hurt you) simultaneously. Sound fun? Right. Time to call “CUT!” on the projections you’ve been throwing all over your current mate.
Ready to stretch your muscles? When you feel yourself comparing your current beau (belle) to an ex, stop. Consciously consider three characteristics that are different between that heart-wrenching former lover and your current. Make these SOLID facts like hair color, height, etc. The more you work this muscle through exercise, the easier it will be to separate the illusions of the past from the truth of the present.
You deserve happiness. You deserve to have your energy, your focus on the joy present for you in every moment, whether it’s appreciating a beautiful flower or a dinner date. Let go of past hurts. Take what you have learned, and let the rest go. Who you are isn’t the same. How you react isn’t the same. And give yourself credit, who you choose probably isn’t the same either.
Listen, if you really have issues letting go, check out StillSitting, Less Stress, More Life. Brain re-training exercises help you release the emotional charge from past experiences so there is less baggage to carry forward. Remember, the more energy (focus, enthusiasm) you have for your life now, the more opportunities for joy available to you in every moment. Seize your day. By the way, that’s today.
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