Tag Archives: love

Surrender: How to Do It (inspiration)

“The creative process is a process of surrender, not control.” ~ Julia Cameron

“All of our reasoning ends in surrender to feeling.” ~Blaise Pascal

“Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.” ~Gail Sheehy

“Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become.” ~ Anon.

“Love is a lot like dancing — you just surrender to the music.” ~ Anon.

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Grudges: Do You Hold Them? (inspiration)

“He who angers you conquers you.” ~Elizabeth Kenny

“Anger is one letter short of danger.”~Anon

“To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.”~ William H Walton

“People often grudge others what they cannot enjoy themselves.”~Aesop

“Life is too short to hold a grudge, also too long.”~Robert Brault

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Healthy Relationships, Not Codependent

Kicked to the curb: old shoe of tired worn out relationships that don’t fit. Walking tall in confidence and supportive new shiny stilettos. — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I get a little bit offended when you talk about co-dependent relationships. I used to have pretty bad, terrible relationships with men just for affection. Since I found my now-husband who is sweet, respects me but is a bit immature, do you think I’m being co-dependent to take care of things he’s not as good at? I don’t mind. This feels like the healthiest relationship I’ve ever had with a man and we’ve been married 8 years now. Are we co-dependent?

Coefficient

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Dear Coefficient,

Life is a journey and each step its own destination. Congratulations on not standing still on your trek, but moving forward as you’re ready to. I’m glad you’ve found the strength to step away from abusive relationships to better acknowledge and honor yourself. It’s no surprise to me that you attracted a far more secure man in the trade up. We attract what we are. All true partnerships grow with each partner’s way of being teaching and informing the other’s in an evolving dance…together. If you’ve managed eight years and counting, that’s great. Without meeting you two together, no one can say whether your functioning relationship is co-dependent of not.

Please take the time to recognize and revel in your major win of self-improvement!, but if you find yourself still stinging from your apparent hot button word “co-dependent,” I encourage you to stop and ask yourself why. What about this word bothers you so much? Look at your associations, look for what thoughts it triggers in you. Shame and pain don’t live long in bright light.

Congrats and keep up the work,

BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Rude Boyfriend = Anger, Mad & You

Unfortunate take on He said, She said. He just doesn’t believe what she says. Anger dismissed is the new black. Seriously.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My otherwise ok fine relationship with my boyfriend goes south whenever I disagree with him and get angry. I don’t think he takes my temper seriously. I’m not having hissy fits like a child, and I don’t have a loud voice that booms like his and I’m not rude, so it’s a joke to him when I’m mad (and usually don’t agree with) at him. Any suggestions? High-pitched Whinney

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

Tell the control freak asshole to kiss your ass and move on with your life. If your opinion does not mean enough to him for him to take you seriously, why are you dating him? He wants a yes man, not a thinking girlfriend.

You must be able to express what you want and believe in in a relationship. It should be safe for you to express who you are. And if your control freak boyfriend doesn’t appreciate that you have valuable thoughts, he doesn’t deserve you. Find someone who sees and appreciates who you are and what you have to contribute to the relationship.

This guy only seems to care about how you help him feel good about himself by rubberstamping his decisions. Pardon my French, but that is bullshit. Kick him to the curb. As my mama always said, “I can do bad all by myself.”

Stand up for you now. Later may be too late.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

I’m concerned here about what sounds like more than the usual power trip adjusting in a couple working out the day-to-day dynamic. No offense to your relationship, but I want you to stop and consider what its conditions (as in conditional love) mean to your health and wellbeing (self-worth and esteem), and why you are allowing them.

As for your boyfriend, I’m going to go on the assumption that you don’t have anger management issues (which he could conveniently or otherwise interpret as “crying wolf”). Whensomeone important to us doesn’t take a legitimate aspect of our personality and feelings seriously, they are disrespecting who we are as a whole being. As much as you shouldn’t try to “fix” anyone else (taking them on as a challenge or hopeful project), don’t allow someone to try to dismiss or bully your reactions and feelings out of you. You are a sum of these things.

As such, you also have a responsibility (to others but, always, yourself first) to objectively check your emotions and how they are affecting your overall quality of and progress in life. If you really don’t know, or have difficulty being more objective about yourself, ask a professional (contact me for confidence coaching) or trusted friend or peer who models an overall successfully balanced life you’d like to emulate, to help you get some clarity. Then check again to see who needs to take feelings and emotions more seriously in this relationship — this is not a fight about fighting.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T,

BadWitch

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Image: Erin Coronoa

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Self-Expansion Through Self-Expression. (GW)

Want more out of your life? More of that feeling of being deeply loved for who you are? Want more of feeling like you have wrung every moment of life out of every moment of life? Then live out loud. Be you!

Let your true colors sparkle in the sun! Stop trying to be the person you think people will like and be the person you are. Know what happens? You feel loved for who you are because you have never hidden the truth. You feel like you have truly lived your life because you have—fully you.

In the immortal words of Madonna, “Express Yourself

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the Home Fires Burning (inspiration)

“Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.” ~ Carl Reiner

“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.”
~ David Viscott

“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Don’t settle for love of this or that, he or she; that is all so, so small. Stubbornly hold out for love itself — beyond everything.” – Bruce Allen, spiritual counselor

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the home fires burning (GW)

People can get wrapped up in the “suppose to’s” of love. He’s supposed to call. I’m not supposed to have dinner ready when he gets home. She’s supposed to want to spend Sundays watching football with her mate. Hardly.

Love is living in the present moment. Deadlines for proposals and ultimatums do not a happy relationship make. Be yourself. Remember what it is to have fun with each other. Move away from the to-do lists. Re-spark the friendship, the attraction of that unknown quality in your mate that drew you to them in the first place.

Love really does equal friendship and lust. You enjoy laughing with your partner and you enjoy fiddling with your partner then, well, chances are the love you feel will continue to grow and deepen. If either of these qualities become diminished, the attraction diminishes and, frankly, the love stagnates. Once stagnated the day to day “have to’s” and “shoulds” take over.

So take your mate out for a night of comedy and wine or beer. Laugh like you have not laughed in years. Then take them home and fiddle in all those enjoyable ways that produce audible sounds of excitement and pleasure.

Love= Lust + Friendship. It’s not just fun. It’s Fair. — GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the Home Fires Burning (BW)

I’ve previously shared my views of “true love” as a myth in our love-starved society. But I do believe in love and lasting relationships, and strive to infuse all my real relationships (regardless of length or labels) with the qualities that make for lasting relating. Today I was asked to talk about keeping all the fires burning. I just couldn’t stop thinking that people who ask these questions tend to be seeking “an answer” or a How To patch, but instead get stuck with hearing a lot of idealized Harlequin Romance hooey about how relationships are supposed to be, which usually serves to make them feel even worse. [Read my smooshier view on love  (second link above) and please indulge me here.]

Love that is forged of Friendship + Lust isn’t about the Perfect One, heart-shaped candy or wedding planning gone wild — it takes concentration of steel to actively remember the commitment to it. That sort of love means work. That level of love is deeply satisfying in on-off lukewarm cuddliness to sizzling sexiness, the acceptance of unconditional love and nurturing in the security of buddy-companionship — and simultaneously holds great potential for boredom, situational blindness and eh!, apathy. Repeat beginning of this paragraph.

I’m paraphrasing a recent brilliant Diane Sawyer (married to director Mike Leigh for 21 years) comment, “Every marriage (and lasting relationship) is a foreign land. You may enjoy visiting but not want to live in this foreign land, but it works for its inhabitants.” Couldn’t agree more, and against the common “wisdom” that espouses a One Size ideology of what “works” or not in long relationships. Some individual relationships have more sizzle, romance, friendship, or companionship than others, and if they’re truly working (versus stuffed emotions, lazy habits, or excuse-making refuges to hide from not communicating respectfully, or having sex) for its inhabitants then there’s no “wrong way” to how yours works for you.

Dynamics can be a tricky thing. Remember not to check your baggage, because if you can’t hand carry it, it’s way more crap than you need to bring on this trip. Relationships are comprised of individuals who can always stand improvement, and that’s where to focus how to keep all your own fires burning.

Love that love. — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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High Maintenance Girls and Autos

Not talking Cuban smokers here: Sometimes a boyfriend with unclear boundaries is just a stand-in mechanic. Zen and the Art of Girlfriend Mechanics Maintenance.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My girl never does basic maintenance on her car, then when small things go wrong, she gets all up in my grill. She has a mechanic she likes and says she trusts, but I get stuck with all her raging when things go wrong and costs her big bucks. How do I deal with her? I’m not interested in becoming her mechanic OR losing my girlfriend. Auto Affixiation

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Dear Auto Affixiation,

I just heard an important grandpa to grandson line about it being necessary to experiment and fail in order to grow up — but even he wouldn’t tolerate the same childish behavior twice. This is exactly my take on your question: you have a woman who “won’t do basic maintenance” then blames her boyfriend “when things don’t go right” and she has to pay money she could have likely avoided shelling out if she’d taken better care of herself. Hmm. I think there are some other issues going on here that have nothing to do with trains, planes or any other mode of transportation.

Seems like some irresponsible people have to learn by needlessly spending dollars they usually don’t have, and others need to stop trying to save them (money or heroically). Let her drive her car, whether on the road smoothly or into the ground — and you focus on fine tuning your relationship in the real ways you express interest in: with love, RMPs and oil.

Oil & water, baby,

BadWitch

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Dear Auto Affixiation,

So be girlfriend, you mean you are her automatic auto mechanic? Did you know you were signing on to this job? Sounds like there should have been a clear contract that discussed job duties in this relationship.

I would say it looks like it’s time for a really good conversation. Dear girlfriend whom I love, you have to start taking your car to the mechanic and sucking up the cost, except perhaps in emergency because this me as mechanic thing is killing us.

I remember being asked to teach my then boyfriend (now ex-husband) how to work a graphic program and some basic maneuverability with his new Mac. After being grilled every time I offered a thought, suggestion or teaching point, I finally cut him loose. All in all, start to finish on me as his teacher lasted less than 3 hrs. I let him know he would be better served to have a teacher he trusted and a girlfriend who still liked him, which meant she was not his teacher. After less than a minute, he agreed.

Let your girlfriend know the toll it is taking on your relationship. Let her know you would not volunteer to be her go-to mechanic because she does not take care of the vehicle to what you consider a basic level of care to keep other issues from happening. Let her know you love her and are there for her in a pinch, but on the regular she should go to the mechanic she trusts—for the sanctity and longevity of your relationship. Seal it with a kiss and give her the opportunity to either stat taking better care of her car so you can help her or take it regularly to the mechanic she trusts.

Remember to make freely with the love and don’t hold any grudges. This is all about creating a boundary that supports the relationship. No hard feelings and no more mechanic duty.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Type-A Meets Unplanned Love

Planning on love? Type-A discovers life unfurls itself inconveniently, against plan. “Repeat” for All Events.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I don’t know if this is a “work” or “personal” question, but I’m a true blue Type-A person and have planned my entire life out. So far everything has pretty much unfolded as I intended. Then I met this person at the office who is turning out (after working, platonic meetings, friendship and now love) to be the Love of My Life. My question is how do I deal with these crazy feelings (neither of us wants to go away), and still be professional at work? We work on the same team. Bi-curious

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Dear Bi-curious,

Oh to be crazy, wacky and young! Just sayin’, it’s another gray area option. Type-A’s and those who like to label themselves as such, love to pretend we have everything under control. Bi-curious, life has a sense of humor and sometimes…you’re the punch line. Let go, let god. Let go, let it flow. Circle one. Mix ‘n match. Woohoo!!, go crazy, yo!

Minimize the damage and leverage the benefit of being a Type-A more often by letting your plans help direct and guide you, while reveling in the fact that your particular genius in this area also helps you make room for you to be less rigid, and things to turn out just as they are meant to be. With or without your Master of the Universe architectural blue prints. Sweetie. I Get you possibly more than you do, so don’t shut down from me now. See your Big Picture, raise it a mission for your vision, do the mundane work every day, and then…just breathe and allow for the beautiful lessons of the universal wisdom to allow things in and out of your life. You already know How to Be Professional, now, get over your self to more fully enjoy yourself.

Sync that calendar item,

BadWitch

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Dear Bi-curious,

Two can play on the same team while finding love and cooperation. Yes, it will take both of you deciding to be the bigger person on more than one occasion. You will have to come in off the night of pissy arguments and behave like grown ups in the office. No drama. No catfights. Claws fully retracted and work put first. Can you do that? Can you both do that?

There are some VERY good reasons to adhere to the old aphorism, “Don’t screw the crew.” Yes, rough, uncouth and just not classy, but filled with sage advice. When one enters into relationship you open yourself to be truthful, open and take your partner’s feelings into account. In a work setting, there will be times when your business judgment may be impaired by partner protectitus. Yes, your partner has a bad idea or you have a good idea which gives a plum position/project/you name it to someone who is not your partner, but is the correct business choice. What do you do? If you really want this relationship and work thing work, you’ll have to make the better business choice and take the hit when you get home.

In other words, yes you can make it work, but you’ll have to make some hard and fast boundaries to make it work without disrupting your career agenda. Despite my diatribe, I do believe partners can work well together. I’ve actually seen it first hand. However, I’ve also experienced  co-dependant, bad relationships that make the whole office live through re-enactments of All in the Dysfunctional Family.

Realize that everyone you work with—up and down the ladder—have to deal with your relationship. Be nice to your fellow co-workers. Leave the relationship on the side till you get home at the end of the day. Sure, a little lunchtime loving is a great idea, just make sure you are back in business mode by the time you get to your desk. Discuss and agree on appropriate behaviors and boundaries.

Btw, congratulations on finding someone you can love and work with. Remember, good communications makes the difference.

Happy smooching,

GoodWitch

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Image: DLopez

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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