Tag Archives: friendship

Teaching Sharing: Lesson Plan

Share and share alike. In and out of the home, real schooling for today…and their tomorrows.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Our daughter and son are 2.5 years apart. The older is 6 and in first grade where she’s now being influenced by some of her friends in ways we’re not so excited about like never before. How do we help both our kids learn how to share? Alpha Influentials

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Dear Alpha Influentials,

Welcome to the world of school age children. Yes, your little one is growing up and stepping out into the big wide world and unfortunately, not everyone raises children with the same standards. Your children will be influenced by classmates, television, movies, and even you and your friends in ways you least expect.

Your job is to give your children a stable foundation they can springboard off refer to. Sharing is a classic. Most kids do not share without training. As they see new way (read: excuses) to not share, they will try to work these new ideas for themselves. The best way to combat that is to be vigilant in your correction. The more your child realizes that not sharing, maybe loses them the toy all together, the less they will try the new ideas. If the outcome does not work, your child will learn  sharing brings more joy than not sharing.

Remember to be vigilant and loving. Remind them that you love them no matter what, but you do not like the behavior being displayed. It’s important that kids know they are loved unconditionally, especially when they are facing discipline and correction. It doesn’t mean they get off light. Discipline and correction are necessary to raise strong, self-assured, good people from childhood to adulthood. Kids with no boundaries rebel more and more to get attention.

You can not really stop outside influences. You can only make your influence more compelling through your own actions (show sharing, donations and generosity in your own behavior), as well as correcting when less than ideal new ideas come into your home.

Good luck!

GoodWitch

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Dear Alpha Influentials,

Hey, ‘rents, teaching sharing is both instructional and influential (how and what you value) as it is associative (a “chair” = “for sitting”). Having said that, as you teach your kids to share, you are sharing your own knowledge base. This is how humans develop. Sharing is beyond “things” and goes straight to the heart of your emotions, what you know, and how you believe the world “is.” What you teach about sharing is important. No doubt. Balancing that with good parental guidance is key, and learning how to share is forever (her future employers thank you). And then, you have to let go and trust your own lessons.

Be aware of your daughter’s influences: from media exposure to close friends (du jour) she spends a lot of time with (especially out of the classroom). Try to get to know their parents. Set a standard both your kids can understand and follow, such as you must speak with a new friend’s parent(s) before spending time at their house, you must meet new friends, etc. Let your kids see your concern around the sharing issue/lesson by exemplifying sharing within your family. Utlimately, you can talk until you’re blue in the face, but kids copy what they see you do, not what you say.

No foolin’ about sharing today or tomorrow,

BadWitch

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Image: Tania Liu

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Good Friend’s Incendiary Talk, Bad

Your politically opposite and opinionated friend won’t shut up. Haven’t we all wished there was a Mute Button for that?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have a really close friend who lives across the country with really different political and religious views than mine. We grew up together, but now no matter how we start out and how long we’re talking about something else, he seems to always want to talk about politics or religion. How can I steer him back to “how about that weather”? Other than this problem, he’s definitely one of my best friends.  — Swiss Flag Waver

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Dear Swiss Flag Waver,

If your buddy’s actually one of your BFFs, why haven’t you just voiced your concerns to him? What’s your eggshell dance really about, Swiss Flag Waver? Work on tightening up that internal convo, first.

I live in an area known for its slant, its very particular POV, so much so that if I didn’t have friends that I genuinely care about and love, but who hold very different beliefs than me, I would tend to think that everyone thinks “like us” — so their very friendship gives me repeated reason to be thankful for being blessed with these mind expanders and ego-knocker-downs! Feel out why you are so close and comfortable with this friend, and leverage that like/love when he next brings up the importance of his earnest beliefs. Tell him it bothers you. Tell him you’ll never agree, so let’s agree to disagree. Tell him to STF up. Whatever your friendship can tolerate and sounds like (!), that’s what you need to step UP and say out loud.

Not black & white and doesn’t need to run all over,

BadWitch

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Dear Swiss Flag Waver,

It is time to declare your friendship a neutral zone unless you both can have a sense of humor about it. My sister and her husband reside on opposite sides of the red/blue line generally. They joke that they cancel out each other’s vote as they drive together to the polling place.

The thing to remember is that both sides have reasons and life experiences that have led them to believe as they do. Friendship must include respect that allows for both of you to be who you are, otherwise, you are acquaintances yet to discover the nature of true camaraderie and friendship. Friendship must be that safe harbor where one does not feel unduly judged. Yes, truths are spoken that are not always agreed upon—then you agree to disagree, without anger or resentment. It is not for you to change your friend or visa versa.

Evangelism will only create resentment and drive the two of you further apart. Ask nicely to agree to disagree and talk about something else. Let him know that you respect him and his opinion, but you do not agree, nor do you want to try and make him disavow all he believes in to agree with you. I would add a, “that said, I love you. So did you see the game on Sunday?”

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the Home Fires Burning (inspiration)

“Lust is easy. Love is hard. Like is most important.” ~ Carl Reiner

“To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides.”
~ David Viscott

“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Don’t settle for love of this or that, he or she; that is all so, so small. Stubbornly hold out for love itself — beyond everything.” – Bruce Allen, spiritual counselor

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the home fires burning (GW)

People can get wrapped up in the “suppose to’s” of love. He’s supposed to call. I’m not supposed to have dinner ready when he gets home. She’s supposed to want to spend Sundays watching football with her mate. Hardly.

Love is living in the present moment. Deadlines for proposals and ultimatums do not a happy relationship make. Be yourself. Remember what it is to have fun with each other. Move away from the to-do lists. Re-spark the friendship, the attraction of that unknown quality in your mate that drew you to them in the first place.

Love really does equal friendship and lust. You enjoy laughing with your partner and you enjoy fiddling with your partner then, well, chances are the love you feel will continue to grow and deepen. If either of these qualities become diminished, the attraction diminishes and, frankly, the love stagnates. Once stagnated the day to day “have to’s” and “shoulds” take over.

So take your mate out for a night of comedy and wine or beer. Laugh like you have not laughed in years. Then take them home and fiddle in all those enjoyable ways that produce audible sounds of excitement and pleasure.

Love= Lust + Friendship. It’s not just fun. It’s Fair. — GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Love = Friendship + Lust. Keeping ALL the Home Fires Burning (BW)

I’ve previously shared my views of “true love” as a myth in our love-starved society. But I do believe in love and lasting relationships, and strive to infuse all my real relationships (regardless of length or labels) with the qualities that make for lasting relating. Today I was asked to talk about keeping all the fires burning. I just couldn’t stop thinking that people who ask these questions tend to be seeking “an answer” or a How To patch, but instead get stuck with hearing a lot of idealized Harlequin Romance hooey about how relationships are supposed to be, which usually serves to make them feel even worse. [Read my smooshier view on love  (second link above) and please indulge me here.]

Love that is forged of Friendship + Lust isn’t about the Perfect One, heart-shaped candy or wedding planning gone wild — it takes concentration of steel to actively remember the commitment to it. That sort of love means work. That level of love is deeply satisfying in on-off lukewarm cuddliness to sizzling sexiness, the acceptance of unconditional love and nurturing in the security of buddy-companionship — and simultaneously holds great potential for boredom, situational blindness and eh!, apathy. Repeat beginning of this paragraph.

I’m paraphrasing a recent brilliant Diane Sawyer (married to director Mike Leigh for 21 years) comment, “Every marriage (and lasting relationship) is a foreign land. You may enjoy visiting but not want to live in this foreign land, but it works for its inhabitants.” Couldn’t agree more, and against the common “wisdom” that espouses a One Size ideology of what “works” or not in long relationships. Some individual relationships have more sizzle, romance, friendship, or companionship than others, and if they’re truly working (versus stuffed emotions, lazy habits, or excuse-making refuges to hide from not communicating respectfully, or having sex) for its inhabitants then there’s no “wrong way” to how yours works for you.

Dynamics can be a tricky thing. Remember not to check your baggage, because if you can’t hand carry it, it’s way more crap than you need to bring on this trip. Relationships are comprised of individuals who can always stand improvement, and that’s where to focus how to keep all your own fires burning.

Love that love. — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Dressed for Success? Or GNO?

When your smart friend makes inappropriate work clothes choices, how do you tell her it’s not Girl’s Night Out? Telling the empress she might be better off naked than hoochie.  — BadWitch

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King Day. Spread the Dream.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I met my best friend at our work. Sometimes she dresses like a hoochie mama. Or like she’s ready for the club more than a meeting. How do I tell her? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.  — What Not to Wear

 

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Dear What Not to Wear,

It’s tough when your girlfriend thinks she’s amazing crazy, sexy, cool in the VIP lounge and the queen of the boardroom, too. Props for her confidence, but should someone’s self-esteem be tied to their sexuality, it can be an extra confusing line to tow. We know that no woman enjoys having anyone tell her she doesn’t look her best or most professional (and in certain environs, the line for appropriate women’s work apparel can be even thinner). Challenge! Be a BFF by telling your girl the truth but with the intention of helping her excel in the workplace by reinforcing the best of what makes her confident.

You know her personality best (and the healthy dosage of reality you can administer before she ODs and crashes), so keep that in mind while telling her something like this: “As your office BFF, you know how much I admire your skills and how smart you are here at work. But having gone clubbing with you, too, sometimes it seems to me that you confuse your two lives through your choice of work clothes. In the office I want your image to reflect your successful work, so I’m suggesting that you might consider clothes that people who aren’t your BFFs can recognize your smarts right away in. Maybe longer skirts and higher tops (fill-in-her-offenses), are more appropriate work clothes? The only reason I wanted to tell you this is so you can do something productive about it. I only ever have your best interest in mind.” Then drop it. If she is ready, she will take in what you suggest and enact her own spin on it, if not, she will probably still hear it subconsciously and file it away for later.

Smart friends speak up with love,

BadWitch

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Dear What Not to Wear,

Much like telling a friend their mate is cheating on them, tread very carefully. If your friend is dressing like a “hootchie mama” obviously she draws a lot of her sense of self-worth from her sexiness. Asking her to tamp that down or letting her know you find it inappropriate, it may be taken as more of a personal slap than intended.

I find television to be very instructive. Style Network’s “How Do I look?” may be a great addition to your DVR cue. Then maybe a night with some wine, TV and well-placed comments. This show has friends tell friends when their “look” is inappropriate—either too trashy or, well, too trashy. The show even offers coaching for contestants, as well as makeovers, so you hear first-hand how to talk someone down off the Hootchie Mama Wagon.

Watch the show before-hand and decide whether you want to take your friend to dinner (definitely with wine) and discuss the issue of whether you want to do a covert, “Let’s watch some TV at my house. I saw the funniest new makeover show!” Perhaps check into some resources for personal shoppers and fashion consultants. Give your friend the opportunity to discover other sides about herself.

And lastly, somewhere in all this, let your friend know that she is a sexy, beautiful woman to the degree that flaunting her sexuality can create unnecessary competition, jealousies and unwanted attention. Let her know that you love and respect her. Let her know she’s sexy even wearing a garbage bag. Help her see her sexuality in more ways than a super short hemline and low cut blouse.

Be a friend. Tell the truth—one way or another.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

 

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

 

 

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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“At-Will” Relationships (GW)

Life is and should be “at will.” It’s called freedom. The freedom of an employer to say, You aren’t a good fit,” for no more reason than you are not a good fit. The will of a friend to say, “I need to walk this piece alone, but I bless you on your path.” It’s freedom because nobody should be forced to stay in a relationship past its expiration date. It’s no good for either party then, whether one is awake to the discomfort or not.

We all deserve fully functional relationships based on mutual respect. If trust or respect are lost then one party has the right to call it. The will must be respected. If you need to speak up, SPEAK! You do nothing for the other person with your silence. Live your truth. Speak your will and be free. — GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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