Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…
Dear GW/BW — I just got fired from a job I really love. I’m so angry I can barely type this! How do I get over my anger and get constructive again? — Unemployed Fury
Dear Unemployed Fury,
It is suggested that 70% of illness and disease are emotional or mental in origin. We are psychosomatic beings. The Greek words “psycho” means mental or emotional, and “soma” means body. See our post “Need for Speed: Fast Tracking Wisdom” – somatic wisdom is one of the foundational philosophies of our coaching practice; helping clients learn about the wisdom of their own bodies (i.e., you already know everything you need to know to heal, if you only learn to listen to your own body).
Anger is just an emotion. Emotions are good (to help us identify what we are both feeling about something, to helping us bodily flee potential danger). But bottled, pent up, stuffed down emotions are not and can lead to illness and disease, to unfulfilled lives of repressed feeling (literally and figuratively). Specifically here, unresolved anger (just an emotion) leads to resentment (actively nursed grudge), which leads to bitterness (can lead to disease).
“Things happen for a reason” aside, darlin’ Unemployed, you must look at what specifically you are angry at (i.e., person(s) – including yourself!), reasons, incidents, externals like the economy, etc…What specifics are you so pissed off about/at? Then drill down some more (written lists are awesome for such processing) and figure out more specifics, and then I suspect…a lot of your anger will have subsided by this clarifying process because it can help you change your thinking about each line item. Believe me, my Secondary ASR Type is Fight and if it works for someone like me, it can work for the world, honey sweetie your feelings are just smarting right now.
Bitter is hard medicine,
Dear Unemployed Fury,
Were you laid off or fired? Apparently, you don’t believe the firing was valid, so I have to ask if there were extenuating circumstances. If you believe you were fired unjustly, go talk to an attorney. Employment Law is bigger and broader than you would believe and California law really does a lot to protect the worker. Consultations are usually free. Just calling an attorney, telling your story and seeing if you have a case may make you feel a little more empowered and a little less angry.
But, whether or not your employer broke the law, the real question is what do you want to do from here? Look forward. You can do nothing about the past. Take what you can learn from it, i.e. types of bosses to avoid, types of office environments to avoid, etc. You will then be better prepared for job interviews. You’ll have real questions to ask about office environments and working styles that can really inform you as to whether the culture is one you can thrive in or one you should pass over.
The good news: You are entitled to unemployment. Check with the Employment Development Department in your state. This action will insure that something will be coming in to pay bills while you search for a new job. The bad news: you will have to find the energy to buoy your spirits during one of the worst economies to look for a job. Does that mean I’m doom and glooming? No. There are companies that are hiring. An organized, steady (at least 3 resumes and cover letters out the door every day) and an optimistic attitude (see our Archives for other posts) will take you a long way.
Realize you are in the midst of a major turning point in your life. The flow of life has moved you out of that job for a reason—legal or not—and you now have the opportunity to learn and grow from it. Learn what you need to be happy and feel stable and secure in a job. Grow within by reflecting on how you could have been more in that job and how the job could have been more for you. Then be the achiever who has an organized routine to job-hunting. Tell everyone you know you are looking for a job. Facebook it. Market yourself like the latest and greatest “New Coke.” This does not have to be a step backwards.
Remember the Game of Life. You may have a good College Career card, say for an Accountant at 70K. Then you land on Lose Your Job. Within two turns you can choose to go back to school or pick a new Career Card. What does it all mean? There are many options and choices you can make to turn this loss into a win.
Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! – Personal and group coaching available.
Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: email@example.com.
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