Tag Archives: empathy

Teaching Sharing: Lesson Plan

Share and share alike. In and out of the home, real schooling for today…and their tomorrows.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Our daughter and son are 2.5 years apart. The older is 6 and in first grade where she’s now being influenced by some of her friends in ways we’re not so excited about like never before. How do we help both our kids learn how to share? Alpha Influentials

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Dear Alpha Influentials,

Welcome to the world of school age children. Yes, your little one is growing up and stepping out into the big wide world and unfortunately, not everyone raises children with the same standards. Your children will be influenced by classmates, television, movies, and even you and your friends in ways you least expect.

Your job is to give your children a stable foundation they can springboard off refer to. Sharing is a classic. Most kids do not share without training. As they see new way (read: excuses) to not share, they will try to work these new ideas for themselves. The best way to combat that is to be vigilant in your correction. The more your child realizes that not sharing, maybe loses them the toy all together, the less they will try the new ideas. If the outcome does not work, your child will learn  sharing brings more joy than not sharing.

Remember to be vigilant and loving. Remind them that you love them no matter what, but you do not like the behavior being displayed. It’s important that kids know they are loved unconditionally, especially when they are facing discipline and correction. It doesn’t mean they get off light. Discipline and correction are necessary to raise strong, self-assured, good people from childhood to adulthood. Kids with no boundaries rebel more and more to get attention.

You can not really stop outside influences. You can only make your influence more compelling through your own actions (show sharing, donations and generosity in your own behavior), as well as correcting when less than ideal new ideas come into your home.

Good luck!

GoodWitch

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Dear Alpha Influentials,

Hey, ‘rents, teaching sharing is both instructional and influential (how and what you value) as it is associative (a “chair” = “for sitting”). Having said that, as you teach your kids to share, you are sharing your own knowledge base. This is how humans develop. Sharing is beyond “things” and goes straight to the heart of your emotions, what you know, and how you believe the world “is.” What you teach about sharing is important. No doubt. Balancing that with good parental guidance is key, and learning how to share is forever (her future employers thank you). And then, you have to let go and trust your own lessons.

Be aware of your daughter’s influences: from media exposure to close friends (du jour) she spends a lot of time with (especially out of the classroom). Try to get to know their parents. Set a standard both your kids can understand and follow, such as you must speak with a new friend’s parent(s) before spending time at their house, you must meet new friends, etc. Let your kids see your concern around the sharing issue/lesson by exemplifying sharing within your family. Utlimately, you can talk until you’re blue in the face, but kids copy what they see you do, not what you say.

No foolin’ about sharing today or tomorrow,

BadWitch

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Image: Tania Liu

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Miss Congeniality’s Sister: Sandra Bullied

When Ms. Bullock’s forgotten sister gets bullied in school, more hurtful gossip’s sure to be on the horizon than usual. Bringing up sister.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have two daughters and one of them gets cyber bullied and bullied in school, while her sister is Miss Popular. This makes the picked on one feel even worse. How do help her? — Torn Dad

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Dear Torn Dad,

I’m sorry to hear about your family’s pain and your daughters’ (both of them) situation. While it’s pretty easy to see how difficult your bullied daughter must have it, it may be less obvious what your more popular daughter is feeling around her sister’s situation at their school. Some of her feelings might surprise you — they may have common ground in shame while experiencing/expressing it very differently. Aside from informing and involving school officials (and why not any other support groups your family may be involved with, such as your church or cyber bullying organizations), holding regularly scheduled supportive and strategic family meetings towards encourage your daughters (and by extension, your family) to work as a team (solidarity, identifying and less loneliness for both) to soothe if not conquer the abusiveness, and build up self-esteem. From A-Z in the process, enable the sisters’ truthful sharing by embracing both seemingly positive and negative emotions offered. Shedding light on them is the most important part, not that someone may have what may on the surface appear to be “inappropriate” feelings (i.e., shame or embarrassment of either the situation or her sibling). If they weren’t close before, sharing this experience may help them forge a bond that could long outlive your family unit.

Some previous GWBW posts (search “bully” at our site for others):

Bull Dozing Billy

Bully Schoolyard, Parents Want Discipline

(building character) Dodgeball, In or Out of Bounds?

Basic cyber bullying TIPS:

• Delete messages from offenders without reading them

• Don’t try to seek revenge or cyber bully back, or someone else

Awareness of why teens bully:

• It gives them attention

• They think everyone cyberbullies

Stay aware of your kids’ friends on- and offline. Talk openly and regularly about their online activities, and restrict computer time to homework and approved sites and (email) lists.

No Bully Zone,

BadWitch

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Your Witches are in a period of time when family issues are omnipresent for us each. Send some love and light to GoodWitch and her fam today especially. Thank you.

Image: Chris Whitehead, Getty Images

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Rude Boyfriend = Anger, Mad & You

Unfortunate take on He said, She said. He just doesn’t believe what she says. Anger dismissed is the new black. Seriously.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My otherwise ok fine relationship with my boyfriend goes south whenever I disagree with him and get angry. I don’t think he takes my temper seriously. I’m not having hissy fits like a child, and I don’t have a loud voice that booms like his and I’m not rude, so it’s a joke to him when I’m mad (and usually don’t agree with) at him. Any suggestions? High-pitched Whinney

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

Tell the control freak asshole to kiss your ass and move on with your life. If your opinion does not mean enough to him for him to take you seriously, why are you dating him? He wants a yes man, not a thinking girlfriend.

You must be able to express what you want and believe in in a relationship. It should be safe for you to express who you are. And if your control freak boyfriend doesn’t appreciate that you have valuable thoughts, he doesn’t deserve you. Find someone who sees and appreciates who you are and what you have to contribute to the relationship.

This guy only seems to care about how you help him feel good about himself by rubberstamping his decisions. Pardon my French, but that is bullshit. Kick him to the curb. As my mama always said, “I can do bad all by myself.”

Stand up for you now. Later may be too late.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

I’m concerned here about what sounds like more than the usual power trip adjusting in a couple working out the day-to-day dynamic. No offense to your relationship, but I want you to stop and consider what its conditions (as in conditional love) mean to your health and wellbeing (self-worth and esteem), and why you are allowing them.

As for your boyfriend, I’m going to go on the assumption that you don’t have anger management issues (which he could conveniently or otherwise interpret as “crying wolf”). Whensomeone important to us doesn’t take a legitimate aspect of our personality and feelings seriously, they are disrespecting who we are as a whole being. As much as you shouldn’t try to “fix” anyone else (taking them on as a challenge or hopeful project), don’t allow someone to try to dismiss or bully your reactions and feelings out of you. You are a sum of these things.

As such, you also have a responsibility (to others but, always, yourself first) to objectively check your emotions and how they are affecting your overall quality of and progress in life. If you really don’t know, or have difficulty being more objective about yourself, ask a professional (contact me for confidence coaching) or trusted friend or peer who models an overall successfully balanced life you’d like to emulate, to help you get some clarity. Then check again to see who needs to take feelings and emotions more seriously in this relationship — this is not a fight about fighting.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T,

BadWitch

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Image: Erin Coronoa

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Pressure Valve: Eat Pray Love Increments Needed to Escape (BW)

Ask any of my family or true friends — I’m all about the pressure valve! I don’t believe in suffering silently, but first and foremost, I don’t believe in “suffering” as a means to wise happiness. In order for happiness to be lasting, it must come from inside out. Innate and sustainable, as foundation. This makes constant care and tending to our “inside” (the physical and psycho-emotional) all the more important a habit to cultivate into routine — not a selfish or arrogant event. But it can seem impossible to simultaneously take care of business and the never-ending details life throws at us, and opt in for self-care. Integration is the way to more balance and a self-preservation routine that nurtures your own resources to create more in your life — to Be the most whole and integral you.

Every task offers an opportunity (you don’t have to take every one. Choices!) for opting into the self-care of a pressure valve. You can choose to do things the hard way (like taking care of everyone else’s business, and asking if there’s any more you can do, while neglecting your own needs from exhaustion) or you can make sure everyone has the tools to handle their own business properly, and to a harmonious whole (e.g., tribe/family goals and culture) and then — step off! Micromanagement comes from insecurity (most often of the micromanager’s real or projected fears). Be fearless. Teach then trust! Pressure valve your life more often (doesn’t have to be loud or animated like mine, but rather nurturing in your own way). Come to balance for less need to escape but rather to Be.

How do you incrementally escape your life’s pressures? Do you have a go-to pressure valve? — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Dressed for Success? Or GNO?

When your smart friend makes inappropriate work clothes choices, how do you tell her it’s not Girl’s Night Out? Telling the empress she might be better off naked than hoochie.  — BadWitch

P.S. Happy Martin Luther King Day. Spread the Dream.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I met my best friend at our work. Sometimes she dresses like a hoochie mama. Or like she’s ready for the club more than a meeting. How do I tell her? I don’t want to hurt her feelings.  — What Not to Wear

 

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Dear What Not to Wear,

It’s tough when your girlfriend thinks she’s amazing crazy, sexy, cool in the VIP lounge and the queen of the boardroom, too. Props for her confidence, but should someone’s self-esteem be tied to their sexuality, it can be an extra confusing line to tow. We know that no woman enjoys having anyone tell her she doesn’t look her best or most professional (and in certain environs, the line for appropriate women’s work apparel can be even thinner). Challenge! Be a BFF by telling your girl the truth but with the intention of helping her excel in the workplace by reinforcing the best of what makes her confident.

You know her personality best (and the healthy dosage of reality you can administer before she ODs and crashes), so keep that in mind while telling her something like this: “As your office BFF, you know how much I admire your skills and how smart you are here at work. But having gone clubbing with you, too, sometimes it seems to me that you confuse your two lives through your choice of work clothes. In the office I want your image to reflect your successful work, so I’m suggesting that you might consider clothes that people who aren’t your BFFs can recognize your smarts right away in. Maybe longer skirts and higher tops (fill-in-her-offenses), are more appropriate work clothes? The only reason I wanted to tell you this is so you can do something productive about it. I only ever have your best interest in mind.” Then drop it. If she is ready, she will take in what you suggest and enact her own spin on it, if not, she will probably still hear it subconsciously and file it away for later.

Smart friends speak up with love,

BadWitch

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Dear What Not to Wear,

Much like telling a friend their mate is cheating on them, tread very carefully. If your friend is dressing like a “hootchie mama” obviously she draws a lot of her sense of self-worth from her sexiness. Asking her to tamp that down or letting her know you find it inappropriate, it may be taken as more of a personal slap than intended.

I find television to be very instructive. Style Network’s “How Do I look?” may be a great addition to your DVR cue. Then maybe a night with some wine, TV and well-placed comments. This show has friends tell friends when their “look” is inappropriate—either too trashy or, well, too trashy. The show even offers coaching for contestants, as well as makeovers, so you hear first-hand how to talk someone down off the Hootchie Mama Wagon.

Watch the show before-hand and decide whether you want to take your friend to dinner (definitely with wine) and discuss the issue of whether you want to do a covert, “Let’s watch some TV at my house. I saw the funniest new makeover show!” Perhaps check into some resources for personal shoppers and fashion consultants. Give your friend the opportunity to discover other sides about herself.

And lastly, somewhere in all this, let your friend know that she is a sexy, beautiful woman to the degree that flaunting her sexuality can create unnecessary competition, jealousies and unwanted attention. Let her know that you love and respect her. Let her know she’s sexy even wearing a garbage bag. Help her see her sexuality in more ways than a super short hemline and low cut blouse.

Be a friend. Tell the truth—one way or another.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

 

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

 

 

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Diagnosis: Hypochondriac Roomie

Canary in a coalmine roommate style. When someone’s real or imagined illnesses begin to make you sick.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — How do I deal with a hypochondriac roommate?Sick & Tired

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Dear Sick & Tired,

Diagnosis: oh oh-itis. Talk about a possible head case and a head cold case, living with a hypochondriac. I feel for you, S&T, yet, your simple question poses a lot of variables to respond to here. 1) I’m going to assume you’re starting with a relatively new roommate, or his perceived illness is a new phenom you’re dealing with; 2) Understand that I personally believe in “appropriate involvement” only, your own tolerance may differ; and 3) Consider how long you intend to live with this person (weigh pros-cons of his roomie viability/personality against mutual balance sheet concerns), and how appropriately close or willing you are to get involved personally.

Hypochondria may be attributed to many things, and can affect relationships. Some people are legitimately stressed due to work or school, or family issues, or previous health problems. Ask what recent (or reintroduced) events may be contributing to his base stress level. Or, perhaps he is bored with too much time on his hands and nothing more productive to focus on. Maybe he’s grieving a loss that can be in- or directly attributed to illness in general. He could have a family member (or himself previously) who is experiencing a health problem that might legitimately concern him now or in the future. Ideally through talk and possible medication for depression or anxiety (see a doctor), he can begin to see his behaviors with more objectivity toward addressing and changing those behaviors for his own (not mention yours!) wellbeing.

Show concern, tread lightly, mind your boundaries, and guard your own (mental and physical) health.

Be well,

BadWitch

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Dear Sick & Tired,

Well, I can see how that could be a completely draining scenario. For your sake, set up some boundaries. Your roommates aches and pains should not be the center of your world, nor should her illnesses dictate (beyond reasonable respectful consideration) your actions.

I once had a roommate who would announce her state of mind or physical issues so I would know how to act around her. WTF?! Now I’m suppose to do some co-dependant, victim-focused soft shoe to keep peace in the house? Yeah, that didn’t work out so well, because as sweet and nurturing as I am, I have no tolerance for victim waving flag holders who expect the rest of to take care and coddle them out of pity.

If your roommate is truly sick with some wasting disease that is perhaps yet not fully understood—like fibromyalgia — then the aches and pains may not be “all in the head.” But just be sure the amount of compassion, hand holding and coddling is in balance. Take time for you. Sage your bedroom and personal living space daily. Do the rest of the house at least once a week. If your hypochondriac is irritated by sage smoke, make a mister with water and add lavender and lemon verbena essential oils. Spray that around the rooms of community space to clear old, heavy energy.

Personally, it sounds like too much drama in your living space, so you may want to start the hunt for a more calm and neutral living situation. Home is the place for refreshing, rejuvenating and reenergizing. If your time is busy spent avoiding, ignoring or nurse-maiding your roommate, when does the rejuvenation happen? Beware of situations that sap your energy — especially if you notice a sharp energy decrease just by thinking of yourself in that environment or among certain people.

Keep to your space and choose to help if you want to. If you really don’t want to play nursemaid, don’t. It will only sap your energy and leave you open to a host of opportunistic illnesses.

Be good to you. Find your sanctuary living situation. This one does not sound like it is it.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Gratitude: Lots of Thanks (inspiration)

Hoping your Thanksgiving was lovely, warm and delish. — BadWitch

“Feeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it.” ~ William Arthur Ward

“When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears.” ~ Anthony Robbins

“He who can give thanks for little will always find he has enough.” ~ Unknown

“Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job.” ~ James A. Lovell

“Be thankful for what you have; you’ll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don’t have, you will never, ever have enough.” ~ Oprah Winfrey

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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