Tag Archives: depression

Lose-Lose Situation. Hating Life

Making lemonade out of lemons. Start stepping. One day at a time. Every day is a new opportunity. Lightening up, already!  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Help! I hate my life. I can’t get anything going right. No Win

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Dear No Win,

While some people are kicking butt and taking names, the on- and offline feedback our article ‘Trapped! Horrible Job No Hope’ got, showed me that you’re not alone in your feelings. Also check out our Giving Thanks post. Still, I want to echo a tenacious friend’s annoyance at our collective malaise, or at least less than stellar energy to thrive. She commented about the latest soft drink trend of “relaxing” vs. energy boosters with something like, “We need more coffee or other stimulants to get us past this enforced apathy.” To know her is to love her.

Overwhelm is a natural feeling from sadness that becomes depression, until you are simply not responding to positive stimuli because you can literally no longer see it.  You’re rewired for disappointment and failure. Instead, retrain your brain by becoming conscious of your thoughts. Break the overwhelm by focusing on one area of your life at a time, and one aspect of that area daily, until your capacity to see when things are going right, well, excellent, once again has been reconnected, switched back on and powered with continuous effort. Come back to the light one day, one area, one thought at a time.

C’mon Get Happy!,

BadWitch

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Dear No Win,

It’s time to put a different spin on this life thing. Maybe you are not the most popular, the most admired or the most successful, but that certainly doesn’t mean you can’t do anything right. Success is judged by you. For instance, maybe you don’t win the race, but you run your personal best time ever. That’s a win if you look at it from the right angle.

Put a little PR spin into your internal monologue. Instead of telling yourself , “You suck!” Congratulate yourself for having the balls to try. Right now you can thank yourself for having the guts to reach out for some positive advice.

Earlier today a group of friends and I were laughing about being dorks. “When did you first know you were a dork?” was the question of the day. Somewhere in there we discovered the things that made us dorks in high school were the very things most appreciated and celebrated about us now.

This place where you are now is not your whole life. It is a moment in time. Want more out of each moment? Tell yourself “good job” more often than, “You suck.” Recognize when you have done well and recognize where practice makes more perfect. You are merely human which means sometimes you win and sometimes you are a loser. Decide to be happy now no matter what and you’ll win. Frankly, that is all any of us can do.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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CBS Money Watch Picks Up StillSitting & St. Bernard Project Partnership Story

 

 

 

 

 

 

NEW ORLEANS, LA – We are proud to announce our online de-stress program StillSitting(.net) has partnered with the New Orleans-area, Presidentially recognized non-profit St. Bernard Project to help rebuild its thousands of community members and their mental health.  StillSitting offers an accessible and private alternative to cope, heal, and re-set for in-need residents who can’t recover from one disaster before the next storm, hurricane, oil spill, housing challenge hits them. Add employment, and (mental and physical) health services cuts to the mix and you have a perfect storm for depression, PTSD, bi-polarism, and other more “mundane” chronic stress disease issues (including heart disorders, obesity and diabetes) to set in and take root in this hard-hit community. This is against a cultural backdrop in which mental health disease, its issues and even seeking help remain closeted or taboo topics. Traditional support like family and friends, and churches are waning and many have closed.

The  in-house Mental Health & Welllness Program of the award-winning St. Bernard Project promotes clinically-proven de-stress tools that are complementary to those within StillSitting — but they simply can’t get help to the multitudes of people who need it by themselves. StillSitting offers online accessibility and a privately self-paced channel of assistance and support. We are committed to our work to help the clients of St. Bernard Project rebuild…mental and physical health and wellness.   — BadWitch

Images: (boy) Caroyln Cole. // St. Bernard Project Development Director & Co-founder Liz McCartney, CNN.

SS-SBP-newsrelease-GWBW (PDF)

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Grief, Loss and Embracing Changes

It’s inevitable that we will all come to lose someone we love dearly, and our world can feel shattered and never the same again. It’s possible that such changes can eventually be positive and self-accepting life affirming ones.      — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I lost my husband a few years ago. I haven’t gotten over it and no one understands my deep, deep grief. I know I’m not the only one who’s lost her husband, but mine did everything for me and now I am completely alone in the world. Even my kids can’t console me. Sometimes I just want to die and get it over with. My doctor already has me on some middle dosage depression meds for years, this isn’t new, but it’s worse than ever.  — Lost Will

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Dear Lost Will,

As you’ve already experienced, depression is a complex and highly individual disorder you should continue to monitor with your doctor. Its causes can be physical, neurological, hormonal. Grief is an interesting animal, and a response to an emotion (usually sadness resulting from loss). Being a response, it isn’t always what it seems, time doesn’t always heal all wounds back to original state, but the good news is that we can change our responses — the grief experience is one more of those life lessons you can choose to learn from or disregard to your own peril.

I feel your pain, am sorry for your loss but encourage you to allow for your own (new and current) life. Being present is not just a goal but the only way towards being fully alive, despite our hurts and fears. But as a close family member of mine experiences her widowhood much the same way you describe, and I encourage her to get back in touch with herself and take joy in her blessed and rich life, I’ve also witnessed how extremely easy it is for you to dismiss these supportive words which probably sound hollow to you, and retreat deeper into the seeming safety of your own mind. I firmly believe we create our own realities, so I will end by holding the space for you to find the will to lean into your family daily and console yourself through engaged action hourly.

Wishing you clarity,

BadWitch

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Dear Lost Will,

The grief of losing someone you love really never goes away, but the sting can fade over time if you allow it. Of course, most times we don’t want the sting to fade, because if the sting fades, they are really gone aren’t they? But keeping the grief alive only keeps the painful separation alive, not the one you have loved and lost.

It has taken me years to get past the cold, hollow feeling of loneliness I felt when I unexpectedly lost a dear friend who was like my big brother. In fact, he was better than my big brothers. He was there. He disapproved of the boys I chose to date. He talked to me into the wee hours of the morning when I wanted to cut all ties with my mother always and forever. He was my rock and he was suddenly gone at 30 years old.

Does the ache go away completely? No, I’m crying as I type this. But I do not let myself dwell there because my life with Dan was so much more than his death. There were years of laughter and silliness, long serious talks and a constant feeling of actually mattering to someone. I know he wanted more for me than I could want for myself. I know he still does. I refuse to sum up our relationship with grief. I choose to stand up straight and make a plan for a better day—each day.

Like everything in life, positive changes will not just happen. You must make them happen. Do you think the man you loved and continue to love wanted you so immersed in grief you could not enjoy the gifts of life he left behind for you? Your children are extensions of his spirit, his love—your time together. Embrace these moments or you will lose them because you have not taken the time to build a bridge to them. If you are so immersed in your grief, who’s helping them make sense of theirs? Do you want them left with the impression that only he mattered? That they are now fully abandoned because you would rather live with one foot in the grave than walk in the world of the living with them?

I know this may all sound a bit harsh, but the truth has its own sting. Wake up! Life is here for you right now and you are here while your husband is gone for a reason. Find out what that reason is. Is it to help your kids grow strong, knowing they are loved and that they matter, so they can have the kind of love-filled relationship you and your husband shared? Is it to help others who live with deep, despairing grief? You are still here. Do you really think your purpose is to sit in depression waiting to die?

Decide to live and make the most of it. Join a grief support group and talk about how much you miss him rather than stewing in it. Learn to meditate, do some breathwork or even learn Reiki—something you can do for yourself to help yourself heal. Your life is still going and there are others who depend on you to keep going. Do you want to mark their lives by grieving for you, their dad and the lost chance of a loving relationship with their mother?

As much as we moms would occasionally like to crawl under the covers, drown in our sorrows and never come up to the light of day again, we haven’t the luxury. We made a choice to bring these souls into the world. It is our job to meet our responsibilities. Not just food and shelter, but love and companionship—a safe harbor.

I feel your pain, but I feel the pain of those who love you now. Don’t let it all slip away because you were too afraid to try again. Take a step into the light every day. It’s time for recovery. It’s time to appreciate the many gifts he left you, not just the fact that he left you.

May your life be filled with peace. May angels safeguard your heart to give it the safe sace to heal and may all the blessings of your world be made more apparent every single day.

Love and blessings,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Joy! When Depression is Too Depressing

Einstein defined insanity as doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. Sadness can be valuable, but when repeated, again, still…stuck…it’s depressing. Literally. Trying UnSad.     — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I don’t know what to do with my life. I look fine and am functioning (healthy and pay my bills and have a few close friends), but I think I’m kind of getting depressed. I don’t have anything to be depressed about! WTF?  — Which Way?

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Dear Which Way,

Depression can be caused by many things—from nutritional imbalances to lack of goals, i.e. something to strive for. I cannot say, of course, what is causing this downturn in your outlook, but I can offer some suggestions that are known serotonin producers.

Remind yourself each day of the many blessings present in your life. Keep a gratitude journal and list 10 blessings you experience each day. I suggest writing out your list each night before you go to sleep and then re-reading them each morning. In this way you train your brain to look for the positive in your life before you go to sleep and you start your day by again reminding yourself of the blessings you have received. In this way you are training your brain towards positivity. Seeing the glass half full becomes a habit, and thereby more automatic.

Adding certain foods to your diet can boost your mood. Foods high in tryptophan, like turkey or cashews creates GABA (a calming hormone) and serotonin (a happy-making hormone) in the brain. In other words, you can eat yourself to a better outlook. Pineapple, milk (the more whey proteins the better), Omega 3s ) found in salmon and other fish), and B vitamins (spinach, kale) will all help. Naturally.

The field of orthomolecular medicine offers much more information about nutrition to affect mood. By discovering what nutritional imbalances may exist (most Americans have butritioal imbalances) you can adjust your diet to better balance proper nutrition and, thereby, assist in balancing emotions. We all know not eating can lead to very bad moods. Now imagine some chronic depletion, like magnesium, over the course of a few months or years. Bad mood ensues. Ask your physician for a blood work up to determine if there are any chemical imbalances which can be turned around with a change in diet.

Otherwise the best offense against depression is a good defense. Delve into alternative and complementary therapies like Reiki, massage or meditation, to open yourself to a broader interpretation of life and what is possible. StillSitting.NET offers an introduction to meditation, more information on mood boosting foods and breathwork exercises that can bring you back to ground zero so you can lift your spirits from there.

Don’t settle for “this is as good as it’s going to get.” And don’t think there’s a magic happy pill that will take the blues away. The truth is depression is very real. It is your spirit telling you that it is unsatisfied. Begin to give yourself the tools to come back. Part is changing habits and part is faking it, till you make it. But as one who has bounced back from depression by doing the transformative work necessary—like changing diet, habits and looking at what my soul was unsatisfied with and then affecting the change—I know happier days are possible. In fact, highly possible if you take control of your life

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear Which Way,

To say being “sad” is all in your head is not necessarily that far from the truth. It’s natural and helpful to feel sad when events call for that emotional response, but if we don’t recognize, feel, address and do something to change the situation, chronic sadness can become depression, and that partially (psyche and the spirit, too) takes residence in the brain.

Here are some practical Sadness Fighting body-mind-spirit Tips:

~ Bright light (they don’t call it seasonal affective disorder — SAD — for nothing!), any one especially halogen lights will help lift your mood and help create happy hormones in your brain especially during the winter season

~ Move! Exercise and moving your body of any sustained kind helps lift your mood. Moving helps circulation, muscle stimulation/growth and…again with releasing the happy hormones

~ A banana a day keeps the shrink away. The potassium in bananas positively affects (and effects) serotonin production in the brain

~ Be down with joy! The BadWitch take on “Fake it ‘Till You Make it.” Honey. Seriously. There’s wisdom in the old show tune that says when you’re smiling, the whole world smiles with you. You can (and do) have reflected back to you a world and energy that you put out — why not want, desire happiness and wellbeing which support you positively in turn when reflected back to you by others

~ Laugh! That we freak ourselves out over and over about the same things is indeed keeping the gods in stitches. Take a more humorous big view of things

~ Be responsible for your joy. A solid philosophy of financial planning is a good one for life in general, and getting out of your doldrums. 1) Control what we can control, and; 2) eliminate surprises as much as possible. I know these are trying times for everyone. Everybody feels worn down. “Problems” (that produce sadness) aren’t solved by fretting about fretting (again recognize, feel, embrace it but don’t give yourself permission to become stuck there). The only things we can control, should be! They include: our general attitude, sense and follow-through of responsibility (to ourselves and others in our lives appropriately), and most importantly and the thing all other things hinge on: the quality of our thoughts.

These are tough days, no denying that. Feel your feelings fully, try these Tips. Next thing you know, you’ll be feeling less non-specifically sad and more energized by the day to fund the energy to do something more specific about its source.

Have you hugged your Body’s Wisdom today?,

BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

New Year’s Evolution

What a decade. Usually secure and grounded people we know felt everything from shocked from the first market bust, to eh!, to sad to depressed and back again. A fresh, shiny new year is nearly upon us. Appreciating your opportunities, yourself,

to make lasting change.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’d like 2010 to be better than this year. Do you have any suggestions? I’ve been feeling a bit sad these last few weeks (my work is going well though).   — Blue’s Not my Color

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Dear Blue’s Not My Color,

I’m with you! 2010 should be better! Well, I wish I could promise you lollipops and rainbows, but “life is gonna do what it do.” It’s up to us to decide the past is done and no longer has power over you. It’s done. Now, plot your course for the future, make the navigation corrections and full speed ahead. Depression starts by drafting around past history, judgments and ideas. What has happened is done. The only hold it still has over you is the power you give it to define your present and future. Decide to make a fresh start. Accept what has been. Recognize the past is over and decide to live a new life. Now.

2009 was a seriously trying year. Stress was the name of the game. We are at the start of a major evolutionary shift in our culture—and it’s definitely been a bumpy ride. But now that we know uncertainty is the name of the game, it’s up to us to decide the surf the waves as best we can.

The time has come to decide how you will live your life going forward. Will you be happy? Decide to make it so. Not in some throw away New Year’s resolution kind of way, but in a deep, meaningful, “I’m changing my life” way. Decide. Start by adding serotonin-producing foods to your diet. It will help lift some of the blues.

Then start a meditation practice. Make a habit of taking some time every day to picture yourself living the life you want to live. What are you imagining? Making more friends? Feeling secure and happy? Learning new skills (cooking, yoga, whatever)? The more you allow yourself the space to imagine your ideal life, the more information you have about what is missing now. My suggestion? Add it. Take the class. Call some friends for a night out.  Choose to do what you will do, cause life is gonna do what it do.

The mantra for 2010: “I choose, so all I have to do is decide. I decide to be happy.”

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear Non-Smurf,

I doubt there’s anyone who doesn’t want 2010 to be a fresh start. When better to look forward than an entirely new and clean decade? The shift into the third millennium was a bumpy ride all right, Bette Davis — and 2009 just seems to have been an appropriate capper for it all. From the tech bubble burst, 9-11, the global financial crisis, housing bubble, to global warming events/signs escalation…whoa!, that’s a whole lotta prompts for us all as individuals to make meaningful changes for more evolved living.

I’ve been on a lifelong quest of self-improvement, inspiration and spiritual expansion.  To my mind, work and personal lives are intertwined more these days than ever before. These suggestions might help you improve both:

• get to know yourself a little better every day. Journaling, participating in common interests groups for feedback and exchange, get some coaching, these types of activities help you get a more objective look at yourself and, anywhere from immediately to over decades, can help you make better, more personal value-based decisions, then…

• don’t make resolutions you won’t likely keep. In this area, pick just one habit or quality you’d like to improve about yourself and make a yearlong plan/goal, then scale it back to monthly To Do items/activities to support it. Make the daily changes small but do-able– especially at first, then challenge yourself as you go – you will actually change your habit(s) in three (3) weeks. Repeat, rehash, again, one more time! This will also help you…

be kinder and gentler with yourself NOW!!! (haha), the kinder you act, the kinder you will become. This is an extremely under-recognized affliction and, I believe, partially explains how carelessly we treat each other and mindlessly we occupy each day….which could be how we got to this place…

That’s “it.” Know, improve and be kinder to yourself. Empathy for others through self-love.  We are all connected, so when we value and treat ourselves and each other with more care, we can become the change we can believe in.

Gratitude, hope and consciousness,

BadWitch

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Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.