Tag Archives: business

Boss Throws Employee Under the Bus

What to do when the Boss Formerly Known as “Cool” goes gonzo berserk-o on you? Managing your manager in times of stress.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have enjoyed my job with a company until recently. I truly believe in their mission but now I find my immediate boss is totally stressed out and throwing me under the bus for things he’s missed and that his boss is getting on him for. He’s been listing off a bunch of crap and cc’ing everyone in the management chain on it. I don’t agree with his comments, but not because I’m defensive. He’s just throwing me under the bus. How do I deal with this without losing my job I need so much? Run Over

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Dear Run Over,

Ah!, petty tyrants! It’s true what they say, that they are usually our biggest teachers in life. So congrats for the promotion to working with one now. …Having said that…

When the going is good, it’s easy to be a cool and fun boss, so I will cut his current bad “skills” some slack in this stressed time. This only means I’m suggesting you schedule a one-on-one with him to discuss the concerns you’ve outlined here. This isn’t about proving a thesis or giving a lecture, but rather to address then seek cues and clues as to length and duration of his said offensive behaviors, and mutually identify some possible solutions. This first meeting should primarily be an assessment to determine a direction for your next steps in the workplace. Even if he is completely and totally open to agreeing with you and admitting his ineffective management conduct (and he won’t), changing behaviors is a process. But should he respond other than with that miracle, you will want to very carefully understand where he is coming from, for your own good actions moving forward.

Email cc’g everyone with accusations (founded or unfounded) about you both meets usual protocol in many offices, as well as is unprofessional if the tone or outright accusation is wrong. I would highlight this in your conversation, because likely he received a good chew out from above, and he is very possibly covering his tracks behind him (a.k.a. CYA or self-preservation).

Let him know you are open to making improvements (tasks and relationships). Be objective, speak plainly but respectfully. Don’t interrupt each other. By the end of the meeting, you will know exactly what you must do next. Oh and document, document, document.

Dialogue means “two” and reciprocal,

BadWitch

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Dear Run Over,

There’s a lot of this “throwing under the bus” going around. My guess is your boss, who I will describe as a wimp with power, is either too scared for the safety of their own job or trapped in a perfectionist mindset that keeps him unable to fess up when it’s his fault. It takes a mature person to admit when they are wrong. Apparently, your boss still has some growing up to do.

It is horrible when you are feeling less motivated for he overall mission of the company because your immediate boss is unable o act in a mature manner. But don’t throw the baby out with the bath water. Surely, if you still want this job, you get that one person’s actions do not add up to the entire value of a company. Keep going.

My answer, be sure that you give your own answer to some of these email. It is not being defensive to either give your version of events or let the higher ups know critical pieces of information were missing when you were doing your piece of the work. Chances are your higher ups already know the problems with this manager. Give them the info they need to make the right decisions. Let them know that you are the scapegoat without actually pointing fingers. Just tell the truth with as little emotion as possible. Ask questions. Let your higher ups know you are trying to do the right thing.

Truth is the higher ups as probably less than impressed that these issues keep crossing their desk. Your boss needs to realize the sign of a good manager is the ability to help their team get things right. Training up underlings leads to a crack team where everyone is invested in the outcome. Pointing fingers and waiting to throw people under the bus every time something goes wrong leads to decreased productivity. Your team should not be working on pins and needles. If you are constantly waiting for the axe to drop, you’ll be questioning your work rather than really working to do your best. No one likes to be waiting to see whether there job will be threatened every time they make a mistake.

Face it, your boss is a wimp who doesn’t understand that the truly powerful empower the people who work for them for the best of all. He’s too focused on taking credit for everything done well and throwing you under the bus for anything wrong. Do your best work and let the higher ups know what’s going on—for your sanity and your job!

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Mean Girls, Forgiveness & Rising Above

Ever notice, just when you feel you’ve accomplished a thing you were working on..in comes some bad bitch of a situation to test you? Mmmm mmm mm.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — A woman who was very mean…to me was transferred but now after a year and a half is returning to our branch. Now I’m her boss. I have to admit how hard it is for me to deal fairly with her when small things come up I have to mediate or manage. It’s funny how the big things are easier for me to stay cool with her about. I worked hard for this title and I need ideas not to blow my stack at this biotch over the little things, can you help? — Big & Small

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Dear Big & Small,

The best business advice was given to me as a 17-year old freshman doing a class interview with a professional broadcaster in a major market. In touring me around the station, she pointed at a fishbowl office set high, front and center overseeing the entire floor. “See that woman? I’m so glad I was nice to her when she was the receptionist, because now she’s my boss.” Instantly I understood that it wasn’t about having the right-butt-to-kiss instincts, but to evenly and consistently be kind and professional to everyone (and thereby, be a professional myself) I encountered in the workplace. I really took that to heart, and I’d like to think that I conduct myself that way to this day. I have seen firsthand the odd looks of some who think I am going to be a bitch, and then either the relief or continued discombobulation. But I’m clear about my motives, and that’s what counts. I am of the mind that no one – no matter their station in life — is better or lower than me, and vice versa. Now, Big & Small, I know this might sound Pollyana-ish of your ole BadWitch, but it’s not. I actually (if not naively) believe we are all connected. That everything (including: we do) is connected.

Work on overcoming your emotional issues around this woman’s bad behavior(s), de-program your hot buttons around people who dis you in the smallest, pettiest (coincidence?, you be the judge) ways and times, and own your own power – both the strength and weakness of it — and work on your own responses to deflate the hold and power you give her over you. It’s obvious someone thought you were better suited to manage than she was, so in one measurable way it appears you have more skills than her.

“If it’s not paradoxical, it’s not true.” — Shunryu Suzuki

Raising yourself up is a real promotion,

BadWitch

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Dear Big & Small,

Well. Clearly, it is you who have had the last laugh. After all, you’re her boss. Maybe it is time to let the past go and be smug and happy in the present. I’m not saying this woman EVER has to be considered your friends (puh-leaze!), but holding on to how she was may actually put your job in jeopardy.

Someone once said, “Unforgiveness is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Guess what, it doesn’t work that way. You are driving up your blood pressure and stressing yourself out over some woman who now works for you! Face it, stress is linked to obesity, diabetes, heart disease, immune dysfunction and more. You really willing to let this chick you don’t even like drive you up a few clothing sizes? Please, let it go.

In the present moment you may still be a smug—and, yes, it will feel THAT good. But let the old pain and hurt that make you want to blow up at this woman over slight things go. It can make you sick, fat and jobless if left to continue unchecked. And, apparently, you don’t think she’s worth all THAT, do you?

Follow this link to a post I wrote for OwningPink.com. At the bottom of the post is a link to an audio file of a guided visualization that can help you move on. Listen to it a few times. If you are still stressed at the sight of this woman after running this visualization, say, at least once a day for 5-7 days, I suggest buying the entire Less Stress, More Life program to find ways to better understand what is stressing you out, how to respond rather than react and how to find a calm, internal oasis even though she’s there to work with every day.

The truth is, she may have been mean to you, but now you have the power to change this situation. Use it…wisely.

Happy De-Stressing,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Money, Irresponsibility & Angry Siblings

When adult siblings view responsibility and money differently, someone can end up eating an angry, bitter sandwich.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I know I’m a shit but I can’t take it anymore. My sister is a total loser and left everything for me to do with our aging, frail mother. I love her and wouldn’t not take care of her! All her life our parents helped that family charity case out, and now she’s nowhere to be found, but mom always asks me if she’s ok and needs money!!! I have to do every f**g thing by myself and I already know she’s going to get at least half of all of it when mom dies. Should I seek legal recourse? Mom would never go for it I can already tell you.   Under the Bus

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Dear Under the Bus,

Muffin, I hear ya. Make your own daily life easier (if only by the law), by as early on as the situation makes appropriate, taking control and getting Power of Attorney. It’s tough enough you have to do all the work, it’s untenable to feel or be obligated to get approvals and sign-offs from absent (or even unqualified) siblings. I’m afraid the broad strokes of your scenario are so common as to be stereotypical: the care of aging parents often falls on one sibling while the other(s) very often do absolutely nothing to help and disappear (if they ever scuttled into the light) back into the woodwork. I know. I know. This is life at its unfairest of all, Snow White. Addressing possible extenuating circumstances why a sibling may choose not to help an aging parent(s) can range from super clear and absolutely legit to totally false and lazy — so I will not insult you by pointing out any of those reasons. If I had The Answer to this problem (that will only increase in our aging population), I would have a truly golden inheritance (but I thank the Universe that not all siblings are absent burdens!). Instead, I will just offer you the support that sometimes responsible and fair-playing adults left out in the cold need: despite appearances, you are not alone. If you have one, lean on your belief system that says the just will be vindicated — whether with a heavenly reservation or frequent karmic reward points. I say, don’t focus on people’s shortcomings and their inability/unwillingness, rather work on your own weaknesses, expand your own abilities, willingness in life, and reward own damn self by simply recognizing your love for a parent(s) who likely gave you all they had to give, and possibly sacrificed silently for your betterment over their own immediate gratification, and — this is the trick and the trickiest of all, I find — be your own best parent in the darkest times. [And you know what, BadWitch thinks that aging parents are very probably getting the best choices made for them by the one child who is actually doing all the hands on work, than by a committee confederacy of reluctant dunces, anyway…]

Get out of under & drive your bus,

BadWitch

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Dear Under the Bus,

I wish your situation was an anomaly, but I’ve heard it too many times before. My heart and my prayers go out to you and your aging mother.  Personally, I recognize how lucky I am to have siblings that care as much and work as hard (if not harder) in some cases than I do in caring for my elderly parents. But every time I call a doctor or caregiver about my parents, I hear the shock that a child is following up to help her parents. What?! Apparently responsibility is a virtue some just do not know how to step up to.

My suggestions? Write up a letter of expectations for your sibling. Outline not only the hours but expenses you have incurred in order to take care of your mother. (Yes, I would include gas and mileage, as well as phone costs.) Outline what you would like her help with. Be clear though, she’s not stepping up without some push back. Don’t give her critical jobs (paying caregivers, rent, etc.) But have her follow up with docs and caregivers and report back to you. Sadly, you will probably have to check up on her in some micromanaging way. Yes, even following up with the doctors after she does so you know she is giving you thorough, accurate reports.

This will frustrate you initially and piss you off to no end. But the truth is, you need to treat your sister like a tenured employee with no sense of responsibility. You want to fire her. You want to yell and kick her to the curb, but you can’t. She’s family, not an employee. But in the end if you can show her how to step up and help you, you may have the assistance you want in the end.

However, just in case she continues to be self-obsessed, irresponsible and unavailable, even after you have outlined what’s what, keep a thorough record of your expense and hours of work for your mother, as well as all the times you asked for assistance and her response. At some point very soon, you will have a document, which clearly shows her lack of care in black and white. Then consult an attorney to see if you have any recourse. If yes, time to talk turkey with your sister so she knows to step up or lose out.

The truth is you will never change how your mother babies your sister. A mother can go to the grave making excuses for the ones she loves rather than facing a hurtful truth. Is it really your job to make your mom fee any worse than she already does because her kid’s a flake?

You may have to suck it up. It sucks, but your mom needs care and you can only do so much to make someone else step up to assist you. In truth, my suggestions may still lead to more work, no help and no recourse, but as with all things in life, you gotta try the best you can to make things work out. Not trying will leave you empty, angry and bitter. And if in the end your sister does not step up and help, you just have to accept it because that is what is. The inheritance your mother intends to leave your sister is not because of the work she has or has not done. It is because your mom (for better or for worse) loves her child and wants to leave her part of what she’s accomplished in this life as a reminder of that love.

Your job is not to make your mom see your sister is a flake. Your job is not to try and ruin whatever imaginary, co-dependant relationship they have before your mom leaves this earth. Your job is to do your best to live the best life you can for you, which, yes, includes taking responsibility and caring for your mom. Bottom line: life is not always fair, but karma is. Know that in some way at some point in time the Universe will say “thank you,” for all you’ve done. But whatever you do, do it with an open heart of love and giving. Gifts steeped in resentment can leave a nasty after taste—for you and your mother. Know that you are doing what you do for the right reasons and everybody who needs to know that, really does. Including your mom, whether she’s able to express that to you or not. But you know. Find a way to make peace that you know what you do and you are proud of what you do. I am proud of you.

Mantra: I give because I want to and the giving feeds me as much as those I give of my time, energy and dedication. I cannot compare what I give to someone else, I can only express my best work every day and express my gratitude to myself for doing so. I am at peace leaving the ultimate judgment and tally to karma, knowing all is divinely perfect— even if I cannot see how or why right now.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Image: Jose Luis Merino

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Vacation Worry for Single Business Owner

Sometimes it’s not that you feel like you’re the only one doing everything, if you’re a single business owner, you really are. Is a vacation too much of a leap for a one-person service provider?  — BadWitch

Don’t forget! After this week, GWBW is taking a break all August. Please RSS or EM subscribe now so you don’t miss our return.

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’m a sole owner of an established service biz that does well, but when I go on vacation, I have to shut down for the week. This has been fine in the past, but with this crappy economy I’ve started to be more concerned about this and other coverage. Suggestions?Without a Plus One

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Dear Without a Plus One,

You worked hard to establish and grow your business, who you let fill-in for you is an important decision and shouldn’t be put off. It’s a bit like a lateral business succession. I suggest you start planning for. If you do a Big Picture, more-than-you-need-today sort of planning for your vacations or other absences, it will help you realize and/or recommit to your real vision, mission and values for your business, and the right person/people will make themselves obvious to you from within your field that I assume you are networking or otherwise working.

Chemistry counts. Once you’ve identified a person or two (try asking for recommendations, your industry’s features of movers and shakers, and related schools for candidates) you feel would be a good fill-in for you (similar ethics should be on the above list, as in not stealing your client), why don’t you try trading schedules/clients, and/or even working side-by-side (whatever this might look like in your unspecified service business) when you both can accommodate this, and when it doesn’t matter.

Now more than ever, when times are tough and you’re worried or more mindful of money, make sure to take a vacation (even a few long weekends count), give yourself a true break from thinking and being around the work. Refreshing and nurturing yourself is just as important an investment in your business as making the right choices for fill-ins.

Be smart, have more fun!

BadWitch

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Dear Without a Plus One,

Sounds like it’s time for you to weigh the pros and cons of hiring an assistant. What’s going to cost you more—payroll or week’s worth of income? Payroll or your ability to take a vacation or get sick without excessive worry.

Coverage for a business is about more than the lost week, actually. It’s about consistency for customers. If they know you’ll always be there, there is no need for them to look at one of your competitors for service. But, honestly being closed for a week may be just the leg up your competition needs to win some of your clients from you. Sure, you won’t lose all your steady customers, but some newbies may be won over by the competitions bells and whistles when you are not there to serve them at all.

Finding a good assistant means taking breaks when you need to without worry about shutting down the store. What kind of coverage do you have when you are sick? It is an investment, no doubt, but your hiring an employee may be just the thing to give you peace of mind so you can actually enjoy your vacation—sans worry.

Of course, you must be sure you hire the right person. Be sure they are competent, trustworthy and willing to accept a lower hourly salary. Family member or reliable friends may turn out to be the part-time employee you are seeking—or be able to suggest someone you can rely on.

Worry is a wasted emotion. I suggest looking for solutions. The answers are most likely much closer than you think.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.


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Social Networking Today Without Yesterday’s Baggage

Whether you’re hoping to bump into old acquaintances on a pleasure or business trip on the good new Social Network, pack lightly. Avoiding dragging baggage from old Planet Paartay! forward when reaching out to now-successful classmates.  — BadWitch

P.S. We’ll be gone all August. Please RSS or EM subscribe now (options, look >>) so you don’t miss our homecoming!

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I’ve changed drastically since college. I really feel together and hitting my stride now as an adult. Recently I saw an ex-classmate’s book published (she already had one on the New York Times best sellers list) and tried to reach out to her at LinkedIn and then later at Facebook. She hasn’t responded to me, and I know it’s crazy but am actually worried she still thinks of me as the old college party girl I used to be when nothing could be farther from the truth. I’m not broken up and taking it personally, I just want to reach out to a successful colleague. Any suggestions?  — Upgraded

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Dear Upgraded,

Facebook and LinkedIn are very different animals that require different tones for success as tools. It’s Monday, so I’m addressing the professional network, LinkedIn. Above the ones you’ve already taken, the next logical steps are obvious to me, try further reaching out to her via her publisher or PR agent’s contacts. If you do so, state your reach-out business clearly and succinctly (e.g., “In updating my profiles, I saw your name (congratulations on your recent publishing success) and realized how mutually beneficial reconnecting could be for us…”), just as efficiently, sum up why/what makes you of interest to her today. Why should she care about you? Stand behind it, send it, then stop. No need to look like you’re stalking her. Girl, have you realized maybe she’s just busy?

Because of this, sounds to me like you’d benefit from truly examining why you are personally so keen to reconnect with her. Is it simple success-by-association, maybe you want to kiss her butt or even have this successful woman see and recognize your triumphant evolution to kiss yours. Be truthful with yourself.

Giving closure to unfinished business only helps us move forward more robustly. When we reach back to connect with people, it’s helpful (more for some of us than others) to acknowledge and appreciate developmentally where we left off with them (and get real — this is the only point of reference they have to identify us with — unless we were famously or infamously more recently publicized in some way they would be privy to) and the Maybe reasons this particular person’s opinion of our successes are important to us today. What did she symbolize for you — have you fulfilled or given that quality to yourself yet? Can you give closure (through full acceptance) to your old party ways and that you needed them to become more fully who you are today?

Link yourself in first, classmate,

BadWitch

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Dear Upgraded,

Well, your ex-classmate is clearly an idiot. Social media is an excellent way to build fan base and buzz about your books. I would think the smart thing to do would be to accept all friend requests. Also, if this person cannot think that perhaps you have changed since college, as most of us do, she is either very good at carrying a grudge or stuck in the past.

For you, I would not stay stuck in the idea of whether or not she approves of you. I understand wanting to reach out to a successful friend, but if that friend does not offer a hand in return—is it truly a friend? Or a ghost of associations past.

Leave your friend request out there. She may yet respond and friend you. In the mean time, go on. Continue toward your own success. Friend requests can linger for a year before someone responds.

I would suggest some energetic work to try and bring your picture and her’s up to present time. Imagine a sphere about 20 inches away from you (think outside your personal space). This sphere represents your relationship with this woman. See the two of you as adults in the space talking across a table. Drop a grounding chord from this sphere to the center of the earth. This will bring the energetic space between how the two of you see each other. Fill the space with a pink light with gold flecks. This is the energy of compassion. It will help you both with understanding.

For you, let go of any unforgiveness or shame you are holding against yourself. Being a party girl in college is to be expected. You learned and walked your path of life. The experiences you have experienced have made you the person you are. I get that whatever self-disrespect is minor in your case, but the fact that this non-friending gets under your skin, says some shame remains. You are perfect and you always were. Any appearances of your being anything other than the person you were suppose to be to learn the lessons you were meant to learn at each and every stage of your life, is a lie. You have always been and will always be perfectly you.

Chose new lessons to learn. Clear old the old shame. Bring yourself and your relationships into present time and watch your life and relationships settle, balance and bloom.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.


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Boss Frustrates Worker. Workplace Bully to Blame?

Sometimes even our best work relationships undergo the challenge of communication. Making yourself heard properly at work.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My boss didn’t hear what I was really saying. He’s a one of the best bosses I ever had so I was blown away when he seemed to side with the person I complained about who is known around here as an aggressive loud mouth. Do you think I should approach him again or drop it and see what happens if I take his advice (to document this if it happens again and then see him then)? I guess I’m more frustrated than if it was just bad behavior because it concerns money. Seriously I feel like quitting.  Frustrated Frank

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Dear Frustrated Frank,

Don’t quit just yet! If you think your boss is one of the best you’ve ever had, then I think you owe it yourself to approach him one more time on this.

Your question rang a bell for me. There is a co-worker-on-co-worker complaint from my managerial past that I might handle very differently today. Even the most detached and observant manager can become distractedly wrapped up in external (market) circumstances and hear/perceive a complaint, such as yours, as one more pile up on his plate. Yes, Virginia!, even managers are human. It’s possible that if a complaint is highlighted differently, your manager could potentially avoid alienating a great worker by giving off the wrong impression that he doesn’t care. Given your usual positive feelings about him, I’m confident your boss would want to avoid losing you. Great team members are incredibly hard to come by, and that is a strong point for you to push: you are a good team player (and back it up specifically). In today’s down market, see if your boss is facing similar circumstances as I felt in the past. He possibly could do a lot better by the entire team, if you once more point out what you said here to us (that your frustration is higher because it concerns money — not frustrated personal stuff — an entirely legitimate matter for and of you that he can instantly recognize). Even if you think you said that to him or it should be obvious, try stating it differently and ask him if he understands your concerns. Get him to repeat your complaint to you. When you are satisfied that he does hear your real concern, then you will have to decide how you will live with his (new?) mandate. Documenting events in an office is always wise…for you.

On a very real flip side, I want to recognize that office bullying has replaced sexual harassment as the bane of the workplace. Here is one resource.

Work it, don’t quit it yet, Frank!

BadWitch

==

Dear Frustrated Frank,

Well. You haven’t really given enough information for me to weigh in on the exact situation you encountered, but in this case it seems fair to weigh what you know of the individuals involved.

First, if you know your manager to be fair and level-headed, why do you doubt his ‘document, wait and report’ suggestion? Even though money is involved, what if your manager knows there is not enough evidence to make your case? In that case, the best thing that can be done is for you to document this incident, future “aggressive” behavior and report any repeat offenses. In that case, you and your manager are actually working together to resolve this situation for good.

It may also be true that though this “aggressive loud mouth” can be difficult to work with, there may be extenuating circumstances you are not aware of. Have there been other incidents? Is this person the only one with access and fingerprints on the money-concerning debacle? Is it possible that someone else maliciously or accidentally is responsible for the situation?

You know best of all, what the situation is. Do not mistake your manager’s usual level-headedness for friendship. This is not really about taking sides. It is about resolving the situation fairly. If you feel like your manager is treating you unfairly, document that too. It is only when you can show a pattern that you have a chance to make things right. Neither your manager, nor your manager’s supervisor is going to take a chance of litigation for wrongful termination. Document. Everything.

And, unless you have a job waiting for you, don’t make any impulsive decisions in this economic climate. An ass of a boss or coworker is actually not worth your solvency. Want revenge? Document. Report to your manager, possibly with a letter to his supervisor if you do not feel the manager handles the situation fairly and win. You have a legal case against the company if they terminate or bring disciplinary action against you for following up on your rights.

Take it slow. Document with dates, time and people present. Sometime patience wins the game. Good luck.

Keep breathing,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Payback. Late Personal Loan Embarrassing

Times are…weird. It’s hard enough if you have challenge paying your bills, but for the proud to ask for money is just about a killer. Late payback could be the last shovelful.     — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Money’s tight so I borrowed some from an old buddy. I HATE to have to ask anyone for anything. I told him I’d pay him by the end of this month but now that’s just not going to happen. What’s the best way to tell him? — Skinny Wallet

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Dear Skinny Wallet,

The opposite of how you asked him for the money in the first place, “with love.” Gather your thoughts, tell the guy straight up and immediately if you value your friendship. Manage his expectations and keep the mutual respect by working out with him and committing to your realistic new payment schedule. If he isn’t hurting too badly for money himself, he sounds like a good friend you could (and did ) rely on. If he can afford your loan but you still feel bad about the late payback, add interest if you haven’t already. Getting things in writing will keep things clearest and cleanest of all. If handled right, this sort of shared experience could possibly bring you closer.

On the other side of the same coin is the old adage, neither a lender or borrower be, and loans between friends have a lot of friendship demolition potential. Make sure you both handle your business (individually and together) professionally and responsibly as possible.

Payback doesn’t have to be a b*tch,

BadWitch

==

Dear Skinny Wallet,

Here’s another, I been there moment. Remember, the truth will set you free. But before you start crying about your money problems, take a moment, sit down and make an honest to God, true budget. Know how much money you are really working with after the money comes in, then ebbs out in the I-have-to-pay-this-or-they’re-going-to-cut-me-off bills.

Now, figure out how much you can pay your friend. Don’t expect a big check to come in, just expect that much like the credit card company and the electric bill, you’re going to have to pay monthly installments for a while. The truth is, your friend will be glad to see a consistent effort to pay what your owe, rather than the grand gesture of the big check all at once.

Now, once you know what you can pay and when, this friend pay-back bill must be treated like a they’re-going-to-cut-me-off-if-I-don’t-pay bill, because the truth is, your friend just might. So, figure out your installment plan. List the schedule of payments on your refrigerator, bulletin board—whatever—just make those payments on time.

Now call your friend. No need for a whole lotta sob story. Their feeling sorry for you makes you weak in their eyes (on some level). Be strong. Clearly state, “I overextended myself and thought I’d be able to pay you back at the end of this month, but I’m seeing that I’m just getting caught up from being behind. I have worked out a budget and payment schedule that I think will work.”

From there you two can have a real conversation about your friend’s needs on getting repaid and you ability to repay within a certain timeframe. You’ll feel better about approaching the situation head on and not needing to send you or your friend into some downward spiral of guilt and depression to get the job done.

I know the skinny wallet syndrome. Hold tight. Manage your budget and be sure to budget in a little $$ for savings. Even $10 or $20 a week will make a huge difference in your feelings of self-esteem. Once you have a cushion behind you and you know how to work with what you’ve really got (budget), you can start to make headway to a place where you don’t find yourself up against the wall and borrowing from friends.

A better day is coming. For real.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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