Tag Archives: boyfriend

Rude Boyfriend = Anger, Mad & You

Unfortunate take on He said, She said. He just doesn’t believe what she says. Anger dismissed is the new black. Seriously.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My otherwise ok fine relationship with my boyfriend goes south whenever I disagree with him and get angry. I don’t think he takes my temper seriously. I’m not having hissy fits like a child, and I don’t have a loud voice that booms like his and I’m not rude, so it’s a joke to him when I’m mad (and usually don’t agree with) at him. Any suggestions? High-pitched Whinney

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

Tell the control freak asshole to kiss your ass and move on with your life. If your opinion does not mean enough to him for him to take you seriously, why are you dating him? He wants a yes man, not a thinking girlfriend.

You must be able to express what you want and believe in in a relationship. It should be safe for you to express who you are. And if your control freak boyfriend doesn’t appreciate that you have valuable thoughts, he doesn’t deserve you. Find someone who sees and appreciates who you are and what you have to contribute to the relationship.

This guy only seems to care about how you help him feel good about himself by rubberstamping his decisions. Pardon my French, but that is bullshit. Kick him to the curb. As my mama always said, “I can do bad all by myself.”

Stand up for you now. Later may be too late.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

I’m concerned here about what sounds like more than the usual power trip adjusting in a couple working out the day-to-day dynamic. No offense to your relationship, but I want you to stop and consider what its conditions (as in conditional love) mean to your health and wellbeing (self-worth and esteem), and why you are allowing them.

As for your boyfriend, I’m going to go on the assumption that you don’t have anger management issues (which he could conveniently or otherwise interpret as “crying wolf”). Whensomeone important to us doesn’t take a legitimate aspect of our personality and feelings seriously, they are disrespecting who we are as a whole being. As much as you shouldn’t try to “fix” anyone else (taking them on as a challenge or hopeful project), don’t allow someone to try to dismiss or bully your reactions and feelings out of you. You are a sum of these things.

As such, you also have a responsibility (to others but, always, yourself first) to objectively check your emotions and how they are affecting your overall quality of and progress in life. If you really don’t know, or have difficulty being more objective about yourself, ask a professional (contact me for confidence coaching) or trusted friend or peer who models an overall successfully balanced life you’d like to emulate, to help you get some clarity. Then check again to see who needs to take feelings and emotions more seriously in this relationship — this is not a fight about fighting.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T,

BadWitch

==

Image: Erin Coronoa

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Cheating Boyfriend, Third Wheel Jealousy

This is IT. GWBW is taking a break all August. Please RSS or EM subscribe now. SEE YOU BACK HERE MON, SEPT 13 — that’s a new date.

Not all coffee and emails are created equally. How to tell if you’re a wronged third wheel or worrying needlessly.      — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Do you two consider coffee and emailing an ex- cheating on a current? My partner says I have nothing to worry about, but an ex- found him at a social and they’ve been chatting ever since, and I seriously think they met for the coffee they kept talking about. I’m trying not to be jealous but he complained about me to this guy! WTF? Third Wheel

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Dear Third Wheel,

If both of you are under the impression you’re in a committed exclusive relationship at the same time, I don’t see why you wouldn’t want to know, and if your partner treats you as an equal, then you shouldn’t be left out of (the understanding about) this supposedly innocent coffee. I think your instincts are right about the complaining, unless he’s a total gossip (and maybe he is) — why is he seeing this person he’s supposedly done with and whom he still has complaints? Something sounds cheesy in Danish land. Danger, Will Robinson!

Ask and don’t worry about sounding jealous. Being reasonable is being responsible to yourself, Wheelie.

No lumps,

BadWitch

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Dear Third Wheel,

Don’t put yourself in the outsider looking in position. You are the current and the ex is the ex. First and foremost keep your positioning straight in your head. This is not the time to come off like the jealous mate who’s ready to assume the position of second fiddle. First and foremost believe in you and that no one has the ability to take away what is yours. Remember, if it flies away of its own accord, you can do better.

Now, it could be that the ex is just moving into the realm of friend. I currently have two exes on my Facebook. Of course, there are other exes who did not get friended—despite the messages—because, well, the vibe was not right. Before you hit freak-out that there is an ex on the screen, make sure the vibe has actually crossed into something beyond friendship. Coffee does not necessarily mean the line has been crossed.

Now, how do you know you’ve been complained about? I mean, was this some kind of public wall post (which would have its own comments regarding propriety)? Or have you been peeking in message folders and email? Be sure before you defend reasonable boundaries of your relationship, you are respecting reasonable boundaries of privacy. That being said, I guess I wonder at what was said. Is it a light jab at your cooking or actual complaints about deal breaking issues that are better left out of convos with exes? Either way, if you are uncomfortable with your relationship particulars being on the table for conversation, tell your partner. Honest communication will do best. Of course, if there is some illegal search and seizure involved in the acquisition of this information, be prepared to deal with the backlash.

All I can suggest is honest communication. Speak up where you feel uncomfortable. Ask for what you want. But remember, if you are doing some jealous shrew act rather than the trusting and trustworthy (to not invade privacy) partner, you have more issues to discuss.

If you feel uncomfortable, ask. Ask about the relationship. Ask about the new found friendship, what broke them up and what feels good about friending this person now. Don’t ask like a jealous partner. Ask like an interested partner. “I noticed you friended…” Let your partner know that you are interested by who is let into the Facebook inner circle and why.

I know why my exes are there. One is funny as hell and his day-to-day is more interesting then most peoples super happy incredible moments. The other is brilliant, seriously. He rarely posts but each one makes you think. My guess, is your partner knows why this person is back on the wallposts. Don’t fret in silence. Ask for the whys.

Fret less, know more,

GoodWitch

==

Image: Third Wheel

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.


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