Tag Archives: body image

Talk. Safe Sex. Awkward…!

As everyone knows, men looove to share their feelings and talk…sometimes too much. What do they mostly want to talk about? Why, safe sex of course! Another ‘Safety Dance’ we can thank the ’80s for.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — It’s not always easy to bring up the safe sex subject when I’m with a guy…  — Safe and Sorry

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Dear Safe and Sorry,

Sex and feeling sexy is all in the head – literally. Women already know that the brain is the organ where sex starts and the rest is mechanics. Bringing most guys up to speed about the importance of the brain in sex has been a historic challenge for us gals (I’m not discounting safe sex for boys who like boys, but as this question was posed, feels uniquely female to me), but keeping their big head engaged long enough to talk safe sex is a very small window, indeed.

Add to your arsenal!, cultivate another sexual habit: find the place where your safe sex talk makes the most sense for you personally, somewhere between the reuniting greeting, “Hey!” and the thin line after the hot macking session that makes this conversation necessary. Make that point in time Pavlovian for yourself. When X happens, you talk that talk. Period. Without fail (no pun intended but, hey!, a happy side effect on average). Work on your content and personal style and — stick with this until it’s a pattern/habit that you just pull out of your dating tool box like anything else that works for you.

Parents talking to kids about safe sex is another great first step to all this. For already active daters, this was a fabulous article I saw a while back and still absolutely love for its well-roundedness than some on the same topic that I’ve seen in mags for girls. Some of those focus far more on pleasing him (reeeally??) than taking care of you first — the best aphrodisiac that not only can be made playful and hot, it will keep you ultimately “sustainable.”

Safety first,

BadWitch

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Dear Safe and Sorry,

Not easy, but as you value your life—literally—this conversation is a must-have.

Listen, it’s not easy to take control of your sexuality, to express what feels good and what really isn’t working for you. But all these conversations, like the Safe Sex Talk are essentials for a truly freeing, personally affirming sexual experience. Remember, if you are not comfortable, the sex just won’t be very good for you. And if it’s not god for you, it’s not going to be great for him either.

Remember Brigit Jones having that conversation with herself about whether a date required stomach reducing Spanx or “genuinely tiny knickers”? In that same timeframe before your date, power yourself up. The ore you can stand in your power, the more sexy you will be to everyone you have contact with—especially your date. Try the following Power Up exercise and get connected to your sexiest you!

Power Up Exercise

Imagine a yellow/gold ball of light that accumulates in your hand. This is the energy of your free will. Light, sunny and full of its own energy. Rub this energy over your belly—from pubic bone up. As you rub this energy in imagine it sinking into your skin, energizing and updating you sense of free will. Repeat to yourself: “It is my right to decide what I do with my body. It is my body and mine alone. I stand up for myself.” Take your time and repeat this as many times as necessary. Really feel yourself gaining energy and ownership over yourself.

Now imagine a beautiful blue ball of energy in your hands. Rub this all over your throat, chin, mouth and ears. This is the energy of communication. Allow this energy to sink into your skin. Feel the lines of communication with yourself and with others opening and clearing. Repeat to yourself: “ I have the right to speak up for what I need and want. I speak for myself. I speak up for myself.” Take your time and repeat this as many times as necessary. Really feel yourself gaining energy and ownership over your communications.

Now, take a ball of orange energy into your hands. This is the energy of creativity and sexuality. Rub this energy over the lower region of your stomach. See yourself as a sexy, confident person. Imagine the sexy confident celebrities that inspire you. Allow yourself to see those qualities that you admire—sassy speech, devil may care attitude, self-assuredness—float into you through this orange energy. Feel yourself standing straighter, feeling more sexy and more in control of yourself.

Repeat any of these as needed.

Now, all powered up, feeling sexy and confident, get dressed. Look in the mirror and practice your safe sex speech. Maybe it’s just a sentence, “I am really attracted to you, but you should know I only practice safe sex.” Whatever your version of this sentiment, practice it. Own it. Reapply your Power Up energy as needed, so when you say it you feel in your power and ready to express yourself. Then go have fun.

Just remember, people want to date people who are individuals with their own thoughts and ideas. Express those thoughts and ideas. The more you are truly who you are, the sexier you are.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Big Brother, Privacy Paranoia or…Invasion?

Are you just being reserved and modest, or paranoid and delusional to worry about who’s watching you? Growing invasion of privacy, real or conspiracy…theoretically?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — In my heavy business travel, the issue of security and privacy has been on my mind lately. I am uncomfortable with the new body scan machines at some airports. I also recently read an article about retailers using hidden cameras to track buyers’ behavior and activity in stores and malls. Am I paranoid or should I just start adjusting my mind to this Orwellian world because I can’t do anything about it? Am I old fashioned or somehow prudish?  — Opaque Oliver

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Dear Opaque Oliver,

As Joseph Heller (Catch-22) said, “Just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they’re not after you.” You’re not necessarily being old fashioned, and only you know if you’re a prude, muffin. Increasingly, our privacy and security do need to be guarded by our Inner Pitbulls and considered with every interaction we take off- and online. When we can’t do much about how things are, we really should get with the program of how to protect our security, identity and privacy to the degrees they concern us personally.

For me, I doubt my first full body scan at the airport (while heeding the historic maternal cries for clean underwear) will set my pragmatic cheeks aflame, simply because it should get me through that grind faster. Although I certainly do want to be assured (and regularly: see FaceBook’s constant unannounced overnight “upgrades” that often screw with your intended Privacy settings) that those image files are immediately deleted and any storage is further wiped also on a regular basis. If for no other reason, out of fairness to exes who weren’t allowed TMI pics of me, TSA agents shouldn’t have ‘em either. As for retail stores’ use of hidden shopping habit-tracking cameras, unfortunately they’ve been around a lot longer than you might suspect. And now, we will talk to my personality known as Marketing Marvella…hello!, I (maybe) perversely find it interesting and cool that my buying habits and how I parse products in stores is studied (but still cover my PIN enter from overhead eyes). I consider myself a smart consumer and innate marketer, so being insidiously sold things I don’t need are part of a grand American tradition I’m not unduly afraid of, and feel fairly well-equipped to fight a lucid fight. I’m far more modest about things identity, and do spend consistent time and focus being vigilant there.

So, Opaque Oliver, do what it takes to protect yourself to levels that make you feel comfortable navigating this increasingly X-ray-glasses-wearing world we occupy, and when you’ve done all you can, Buddha say, ‘Relax!’…but stay vigilant.

I c u,

BadWitch

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WOW!, this is Mercury in Retrograde in full effect. GoodWitch and I do not answer these questions together, she sends me hers and I edit/post our blog. Uncharacteristically GW’s response is MIA and so I will re-post if/when I receive hers.

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Sugar Mama Packin’ Lunch Snacks, Nutrition Facts

What? Are healthy-only snacks the new black on playgrounds? With more communities becoming aware of and educated about the importance nutrition’s role for kids, is today’s insidious image-conscious peer pressure extending to lunchboxes?  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I love my children more than anything in the world. I would never do anything to endanger them or their health, and we’re omnivores living in Berkeley the home of the health conscious and PC. I pack their lunches with pretty kid-friendly healthy foods and a treat. My 12 year old daughter has been reporting her friends have been harassing her (like peer pressure over sugar and fats) about these treats which depending on a lot of things, can be anything from a bag of regular chips, a small candy bar, or cookies. What can I do? Packing them helps her eat the good stuff without blinking and I believe she still wants them no matter what her weight conscious friends say. I know this is childhood, but I don’t want any of my kids to suffer needlessly. What do I do?  — Lunchbox Mama

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Dear Lunchbox Mama,

Really? Is she sure they’re not just trying to guilt her into sharing her booty of goodies with them? They who are otherwise deprived of sweets and all the tastes that round out and make for a happy childhood? I would think she’s the bomb and Ms. Congeniality 1 and 2 among her peers with her stash of luck you so thoughtfully (and I agree in your balanced view of eating — steadiness not depravation help avoid binge eating) pack for her — but if the kids (especially girls) at her school are hyper weight and image conscious (which starts in our society younger and younger; studies show age 9 girls now diet en masse), please address that by consistently helping her with (self-)appreciation of beauty in all sizes.

…but as you live in an often dogmatic city like Berkeley…my playground-jungle city girl mind jumps right back to her friends/peers trying to take a bite of some forbidden high fructose from her. You might suggest she judiciously share her snacks as she sees fit (kids always know who’s what), start a “treats trading club,” and/or otherwise start learning to worry less what other people think about her (Berkeley mom), and focus more on doing right by her own values. If she opts for the first and second, you might beneficially arm her with some take-away (not take-out) nutrition facts about all the lunch items you pack: which are good carbs,  how there are health-friendly sugars and even the “bad” ones in controlled moderation are fine for most people, and good fats are necessary for a growing (and everyone else’s) body’s healthy development.

Maybe her “reporting” is being misinterpreted by you as harassment. Maybe your daughter is actually proud of the attention these lucky snacks are getting her. Ask her how her friends’ comments make her feel, and then pack more guidance and clear-eyed support of both her nutrition and social and problem-solving maturation processes.

A wellness first sweet-toother,

BadWitch

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Dear Lunchbox Mama,

In the land of grilled tofu sandwiches with a side of veggie chips, potato chips and candy are both coveted and hated. But, you’re OK, Mama. Small treats are all about balance. And all sugar and fats are not alike.

Remember the 70’s when we were told margarine (yes, hydrogenated oils and all) were better for us that that nasty, all natural butter. Well, we know differently now. All things in balance. A little butter, a little olive oil is good for you. Have you seen Sophia Loren lately?

First off, dark chocolate is good for blood flow and increases serotonin in the brain, you know the hormone that makes you happy. In fact, some research says it increases or mimics oxytocin in the system. Oxytocin is the hormone that allows you to feel loved and connected. Mothers and babies experience it during breastfeeding. Ever see how blissed out milk-drunk babies are after breast feeding?

Visit Trader Joe’s . An excellent selection of chips and cheese puffs made with all natural ingredients and less oil. Dark chocolate covered shortbread cookies and other treats that mange to combine whole grains and/or nuts with chocolate. That’s right, happy hormones with a little protein on the backside to make the god mood and the energy last—right through the draggy afternoon classes. Treats that don’t dent the sweetness or the spice of life are important—especially for middle school girls!

Arm your daughter with knowledge about the nutritional benefits of her food. Middle school girls have enough obsession around food and weight to create more drama around food. Give her the wisdom how to eat well and balance the veggies with the treats of life. There is nothing wrong with indulging. Remember how nutty Solieri http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0086879 went after denying himself ? Remember how he gorged himself in some areas of his life because he denied himself so harshly in others?

You get it, Mama. I’m preaching to the choir. Keep packing the good balanced lunches. Now, give yourself and your daughter the knowledge that will empower you, your daughter and your choices. Give her the tools to speak up against the bullying. And let’s be serious, if you can’t just eat what you like to eat without being judged and ridiculed, you are being bullied to think a certain way and act a certain way. It doesn’t matter if that fanatical need to control comes from the right or the left—it’s still bullying.

Keep Packin’,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

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Family Court: Judgments at Reunion Time

The word “family”gets eyes rolling and pushes some people’s hot buttons of insecurity or far more negative emotions. When it comes to the Big Family Reunion, maybe to attain acceptance, it’s time to switch to zippers.    — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have a family reunion (huge, people fly in from around the country and we have committees to organize it) coming up and I’m finding I’m vainer for this thing than my high school reunion! I mean, hair, Botox, liposuction vain. What accounts for this nuttiness for family members who should love me no matter what?  — Relatively Vain

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Dear Relatively Vain,

Well you can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. No one can bring out your insecurities with off-handed discussions about your complexion, your butt or the intimate sundries of your life like family. Comments friends, coworkers and acquaintances would never dare utter (with you in the room) are free fodder for full family discussion because on some level you share DNA.

I’m sure, somewhere there are families who are not doing this to each other. But, I come from a traditional African-American family where only the deep dark family secrets are off the table. If it’s your physicality—weight gained or lost, hair cut or grown—doctor’s notes, test results, or dating status, is all in-bounds. This alone is enough to make you slimfast, bodyshape, and nip/tuck to avoid scrutiny. Though you should realize, this is your family, those nip/tucks, etc. are still open for discussion.

Remember family is family. If you are feeling insecure, remember that’s your stuff. They may be obnoxious. They may pry and discuss your body like a newly purchased side of beef, but they love you. They care and they will always be there for you—whether you Botox before or not. But, please realize, if you Botox, they will know—and talk about it. If you get breast implants, butt implants, rhinoplasty or anything else that changes the outcome of the genetic materials you share—they will talk about it—and probably not nicely .

So, what’s the answer. Know that it is not just you. Truly nutty, loving families come in all shapes and sizes. Your family loves you, no matter if or how they are able to show it. The fact that everyone spends the time and money to come together for the reunion—proves it. Be compassionate about your families over-sharing. Do not judge them for it or choose to feel judged. Instead, decide this is one way that your family shares the big stuff and the minutia of family because they care enough to want to know it all. Choose to be you. Be comfortable and accept that family is as family does. Choose to accept yourself, your family, your genes and the scrutiny that comes with it. U B U. Get your hair done. Make sure you have a nice outfit and clean underwear (in case of accident) and go in there as yourself. That’s all they want to see, anyway.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear Relatively Vain,

Confession! I’m that weirdo for whom the word “family” has a strongly positive association — including our shared delusion that we’re all smokin’ hot. So…

You can love, hate, or in-between them, but while family are the people most of us wouldn’t normally choose as our friends, they are our first identifiers/labelers, and perspective/values givers to How the World Really Is. This deep seeded imprinting is hard but not impossible to overcome, should you decide you’re ready to drop your story (e.g., I’m fat; will never amount to anything; or tall people are richer, etc.) or otherwise “rewrite your script.”

Generally, I don’t mind enhancements and procedures if you’re truly doing them for you or your health. I mind (for you) that you seem to have undergone a lot of time, expense and pain for other peoples’ (shared DNA or not) approval. Go stand in the mirror naked and stare and stare at your face and body. If you’re really brave, take some pictures (or have a friend do it); you can always Delete them later. Note what you like and dislike, hate and love about whichever parts pull and keep your eyes staring. Finally, to the parts you most dislike or even hate, say out loud to them, “Thank you for helping me see the world,” or “Digesting the nutrients that give me energy,” or “Giving me a portable, comfortable seat to sit on,” etc. You get the idea. Say out loud your praise and gratitude statements to these parts — touch or hold them as you speak — at least once a day, preferably naked in the shower or as you’re dressing for your day. [Acceptance doesn’t mean throwing up you hands and “settling” for your crappy parts, oh well. You can choose to actively make changes/ improvements/ enhancements to these parts while you praise and thank for what they do for you in their perfection today. This acceptance of responsibility helps us close the circle of self-acceptance.]

You can always buy New & Improved! cheekbones and hair, but inside out, you will still reflect the worst bits and pieces your family passed along, if you don’t make the true changes you deem necessary to live that more authentically beautiful version of You.

We are family,

BadWitch

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Image, Frida Kahlo’s Family Tree

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Working Out Having to Work Out

Whether genetically talented, or always need to work out, health maintenance is the real thing. The key to healthier, happier and hotter you — living with wellness all your days.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I hate working out but now that I’m getting older, skinny flab probably looks worse than a few pounds overweight. Any suggestions?  — Former Coaster

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Dear Former Coaster,

HA!, I’m laughing with you not at you. I Get it, cream puff. I was always naturally athletic, consumed whole medium pizzas by myself at lunch through college and still had a BMI of 13%…when I didn’t work out. No need to hate – we all are naturally talented at something, people. Whether we’re innately talented with lifelong 20-20 vision, or brilliant at height or strength, when these natural unearned talents shift – we can feel emotions from denial to anger to grief. I’m solidly empathizing with this general plight we call getting older. Grrr.

But as we’re lucky for that opportunity, we owe a debt of responsibility to see this issue is about embracing (again!, an emerging theme from you all this month) change. The first step to making changes successfully is to accept and embrace the change(s) that are spurring the need for updating and introducing newer ways of being/doing things, or solutions. This is your body now. Today. Not how it was in the past.

Just start. Reset your body with a detox to ready/prime it better for…your healthier diet (and “diet” doesn’t mean “weight loss” rather what we eat daily). Then Just Start!, by eating more veggies or getting the right green super foods down your gullet daily. For your heart, lower the bad carbs and fats, and up the good ones. Take Omegas 3-6-9 (fish, flax, borage oils) and raise your good cholesterol while lowering your LDL. Now I’m not going to lecture you any more about health benes you already know about — mamacita, the more toned you are, the hotter you will look and feel, and nothing builds more confidence than a healthy body of any natural size! Help your body help you. Portion control: Easy peasy. I like using the Rule of the Fist (which this lifelong wellness practioner made up), which is to say that our fists reflect roughly the size of our hearts (compare yours to different size friends’ to sharpen that picture for yourselves) and this is a very good portion of food (each: starch, protein, veggies, etc.) to maintain a healthy balance of intake to exertion. Move it or lose it! Keep your body moving. Especially in our predominantly sedentary workplaces and car commutes, it’s all the more important to keep circulation flowing, oxygenation to the muscles and organs feeding and detoxing, and your metabolism up naturally higher, at rest. Park further away, power walk everywhere, tippy-toes calf-sculpt, squat while doing chores — don’t make it hard to routinely keep your body moving, by integrating it into your day’s normal activities. Bicep curl some soup cans because building muscle density raises metabolism, and (ladies!) helps build bone density. Hey, if this lucky-fast metabolism Cali kid could get past her own self-delusions of never-ceasing Super Heroine-ism, anyone can.

‘To keep the body in good health is a duty, for otherwise we shall not be able to trim the lamp of wisdom, and keep our mind strong and clear.’ –Buddha

(Protein) Shake your booty,

BadWitch

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Dear Former Coaster,

I know your pain! I, too, hate to work out, but I have found some interesting ways to get some exercise without resorting to stomach crunches and squats.

First, get active in daily life. I have to tell you, parking your car further from the door to force yourself to walk further, actually makes a difference over time. Running around the playground with your kids—maybe a game of tag and you are it—will make you sweat, while you laugh. I pick my kids up regularly, do dance parties around the house and make myself do a little jig while cleaning the house. You’d be surprised the work out you can get from vacuuming if you get your groove on at the same time!

My favorite physical activities are all about having fun. I love to swing—the playground type. So, I used to stop in at the playground to get my swing on. Now, I have bought an Om Gym, which allows me to swing in the privacy of my own home, while watching TV. I swing upside down and get a good stomach work out in. Make physical activity part of who you are in daily life and your body will respond.

Take a walk. Go for a bike ride. Put more physical activity behind your love-making. You’d be surprised what a great stomach and leg work out it can be if you do it right—not to mention how much fun you’ll have! Take a walk and smell the flowers along the way or window shop. Move your body doing the things you enjoy and you’ll get your exercise on without doing the physical activities you hate.

In the end, I may not be a size 2, but I am healthy, shapely and enjoy the ways I incorporate physical activity in my life. That’s right, there is a hot body waiting for you and no gym required.

Get Moving and Have Fun,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Revenue Enhancement, Cosmetic Surgery?

Some people would give their eye-teeth, but this reader wants to get a new nose and teeth.  So while it’s a guaranteed revenue booster — for his plastic surgeon and dentist! — will these cosmetic tweaks improve his own sales career’s bottom line?

— BadWitch

PS See you back here one day earlier on Wednesday.


Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Should I get a nose job and veneers to improve my career? I’m in sales. I do pretty well, but could always do better. — Bottom Line

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Dear Bottom Line,

The ROI on improved teeth and nose work, eh!, not as easily definable a career investment like an MBA/masters, or a computer, but it could be considered a tool of your trade and you always want the sharpest tools in your belt. Having said that, I have no idea if you’re actually any good at being, nor what “doing pretty well” as a sales person means to you. Tools are only as good as the hands they’re in. If nothing else, there’s the potential tax write-off benefit; consult with the right tax professional for you.

A smile is worth a million bucks. Give or take the dollar’s fluctuation, in this economy. No matter whether your smile is your fortune, or just your personal calling card to the world, your smile usually is the barometer of your spirit and how you really feel about yourself. [And for any shy or less confident readers: Fake it till you make it includes smiling and this retrains your thoughts and eventually your brain. Smile your way to more confidence.] So if getting veneers makes you feel more genuinely confident about your choppers, then get them. As for your schnoz, unless it’s a physical impediment (like the most commonly cited deviated septum), or it really, truly keeps you from living your best life — don’t silhouette profile yourself (as lesser than).

I’m not against cosmetic surgery across the board so if you’re concerned about business and revenue, talk to your sales manager and CPA for their take on your individual situation. But if this is a question about how you feel about yourself, then I say work on building your actual self-esteem (and this may include some healthy and real confidence that comes from knowing your smile winningly conveys the real you inside). Otherwise a “quick” fix that comes with post-op black eyes and held together with glue, could just end up being a superficial (and possibly shifting) thing, at best.

First be real…with yourself,

BadWitch

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Dear Bottom Line,

Why do you think you have to alter you features to be successful? Nose jobs and veneers don’t always improve people’s looks. Case and point: Hilary Duff.

You want to make more money and a better impression on future clients? Self-esteem is the best idea. Confidence is incredibly attractive. I know I’ve said it before, but the truth never changes. We all know the woman or guy who is not necessarily attractive, but has the confidence and charisma to make everyone react like they are cover models. Confidence is beautiful and works better than rhinoplasty in attracting new clients. Need another example, how about Clive Owen. OK looking with skin issues, but considered one of the sexiest man alive because he has confidence and talent out of control. Daniel Craig, another Hollywood Heart throbs, has never let his broken nose slow down his success.

You want success in sales? Start with brain training techniques and affirmations that program you for success. Just as athletes visualize themselves making the shot again and again to program their body memory to make the shot., you need to visualize yourself selling. See yourself bantering with clients easily. See people saying yes to you. See yourself succeeding. Train your body memory to be at ease, confident and selling successfully. Then put on an outfit that makes you feel confident and go work it.

Use that extra cash on more affective marketing—social network and/or traditional. Make sure people know that you are the one to buy that product from. Remember, you can sell yourself to make money, but in the end, you will have crippled your spirit. Frankly, it’s not worth the cost.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

==

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

You’re Too Sexy for Your Age…Right!, Said Fred

miley.cyrus.redcarpet Milley_Cyrus

With incessant technology, media image overload and growing up too early against extended longevity comes a new coming of age question: how do I dress in style and age appropriately? Peer pressure and unrealistic, glammed up media body images flashing 24/7 can confuse even an adult mind as to what’s hot and what’s not – how’s a teenager to know what’s too sexy too young? — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Sup! I have this cute amazing !!!new !!! dress I love and I wore it to school. Then I come home and my mother and her gfs are chillan. Her friend goes, “I would get killed if I wore that to school at 16!” but it’s totally in style. WTF?!!!   — Hot & Sweet Chica

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Dear Sweet Chica,

Well, there are a couple of seemingly opposite statements I need to make. The first is that style and appropriateness are two different things. The second is, why do parents forget that we too wanted to look like we were 22 when we were 16. This is not new or news. This is the age old question of what style is the appropriate style when you’re in between. (Think Britney, “Not a girl, not yet a woman.”

I understand that teenagers tend to wear what looks like club wear to school, because school is the biggest outlet for expressing you and your style—and hotness at school can determine social status. I get the whole pic—I too was a teenager once. However, despite the skin tight mini-dresses worn by 90210 “teens,” this is not actually the most appropriate attire for school. Once in a while, pulling out the SUPER HOT wear makes sense. People take notice. Save the good stuff for the parties. The one thing you don’t want to get labeled is hot to trot—and guys base those labels on how you look as much, if not more than what you do.

That being said, you’re 16! Of course, you want to look hot. Even Miley Cyrus is coming under fire for being a normal 16 year old who wants to look and act older than she is. Because older is cooler at 16! I would say, just be sure that in your race to look hot, you don’t present yourself as a girl who thinks her looks are her worth. Looks make up a VERY small part of your overall worth as a human being. Looking sexy does not define who you are or how sexy you are. For instance, Angelina Jolie is usually seen in leather and jeans. She is incredibly sexy, pretty much an icon of sexy. She does not wear super short dresses. People go nuts when she wears strapless even though the dress is super full and long. Why? Because SHE is the sexy beast they all want to know and get next to. Because she is undeniably herself, loves herself and, more importantly, respects herself FIRST. That confidence is the ultimate sexy, beyond short dresses or skin tight wear.

So that is my long winded way of saying, you be you. Dress in what makes YOU feel comfortable. Dress for you—not for the intended effect on others. Go ahead and work the sexy look from time to time, but remember, sexy is from the inside out. Beyond style, nothing says sexy like a self-loving, expressive, confident woman. And that looks great on any age!

GoodWitch

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Dear Hot & Sweet Chica,

OMG we are soo fashion sistahs from another designer mama!! Long ago, in a lingerie department far, far away, I was solo shopping for basic bras when this dried up old lady quite loudly said to her wise glowing friend who kept trying to shush her, “I would never have been allowed to wear something like that when I was 16!” Hey, Crumble Cake Spice, I’m 21. I’m just one of those objects that looks sweeter in the Don’t Project Your (Bam!) Issues on Me mirror, lady.

I don’t know if you or your mom should be more upset here. After all you’re not 21, it’s her house and her final word you really must respect, so follow her rules and…roll up your skirts half as high as your instinct to, Georgia O’Keefe – I’m sayin’ being wise not just smart is always in style, Ms. Thang. Having said that, if I were she, that concerned but big-mouth girlfriend would’ve gotten an earful on not telling me how to parent. But since you asked for our opinion, my first concern for all daughters out there is on how her early, blossoming psycho-emotional and self-worth development look, because if they’re kapow! big and bouncy then I’m likely to have half as much to worry about (or at least “tweak” – what with Photoshopped misleading media images and peer pressure often working against an impressionable psyche’s best interest) around her dressing in style but age-appropriately for her brainy, slammin’ body (that I also want her to learn to healthily love, embrace and (gulp!) enjoy on her own terms, no one else’s).

And, girl yes I know !!!NEW!!! is always fun…but then it becomes neither amazingly quickly. It’s eternal good taste to develop (start now, take years) a true personal style that reflects and expresses your happiness and ease in your own skin-purpose-joy. My effin brilliant mom advised teenage-BadWitch to do “all that over-the-top fashion crap now when you’re young and no one will think you’re crazy, as opposed to when you’re older and they think you’re pathetic” — or inappropriately projecting all snappy dragon lady style – so of course I always represented my self…just like we all do, darlin’.

Put the long “U” in sexy styling,

BW

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Images, VH1 red carpet; Annie Lebovitz Vanity Fair shoot

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