Tag Archives: anger

Grudges: Do You Hold Them? (inspiration)

“He who angers you conquers you.” ~Elizabeth Kenny

“Anger is one letter short of danger.”~Anon

“To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee.”~ William H Walton

“People often grudge others what they cannot enjoy themselves.”~Aesop

“Life is too short to hold a grudge, also too long.”~Robert Brault

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Grudges: Do You Hold Them? (BW)

Of all things not to hold close to one’s heart most especially, a grudge would be in the top two. Sustained anger is the emotion that turns into resentment and bitterness. Negative emotions produce chaotic heart rhythms, which negatively impact the rest of the body’s systems. Studies show that for every five (5) minutes of anger you feel, your body’s immune system drops in effectiveness for 12 hours. Conversely, five minutes of happiness and love you feel does the same in the positive for your body and its systems.

Allowing yourself persistent feelings of resentment and grudges holds you in the past, eats away at you, and lessens your availability to better options and events in the present. Grudges make you less whole, and lesser than. Don’t bring your grudge’s bitterness and anger from the past that’s gone forever, into all your relationships today and tomorrow. Forgiveness is first a choice, and then a process of commitment. You must want to change and grow. When you do, then you can. Next, work on you(r) will.  BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Rude Boyfriend = Anger, Mad & You

Unfortunate take on He said, She said. He just doesn’t believe what she says. Anger dismissed is the new black. Seriously.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — My otherwise ok fine relationship with my boyfriend goes south whenever I disagree with him and get angry. I don’t think he takes my temper seriously. I’m not having hissy fits like a child, and I don’t have a loud voice that booms like his and I’m not rude, so it’s a joke to him when I’m mad (and usually don’t agree with) at him. Any suggestions? High-pitched Whinney

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

Tell the control freak asshole to kiss your ass and move on with your life. If your opinion does not mean enough to him for him to take you seriously, why are you dating him? He wants a yes man, not a thinking girlfriend.

You must be able to express what you want and believe in in a relationship. It should be safe for you to express who you are. And if your control freak boyfriend doesn’t appreciate that you have valuable thoughts, he doesn’t deserve you. Find someone who sees and appreciates who you are and what you have to contribute to the relationship.

This guy only seems to care about how you help him feel good about himself by rubberstamping his decisions. Pardon my French, but that is bullshit. Kick him to the curb. As my mama always said, “I can do bad all by myself.”

Stand up for you now. Later may be too late.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Dear High-pitched Whinney,

I’m concerned here about what sounds like more than the usual power trip adjusting in a couple working out the day-to-day dynamic. No offense to your relationship, but I want you to stop and consider what its conditions (as in conditional love) mean to your health and wellbeing (self-worth and esteem), and why you are allowing them.

As for your boyfriend, I’m going to go on the assumption that you don’t have anger management issues (which he could conveniently or otherwise interpret as “crying wolf”). Whensomeone important to us doesn’t take a legitimate aspect of our personality and feelings seriously, they are disrespecting who we are as a whole being. As much as you shouldn’t try to “fix” anyone else (taking them on as a challenge or hopeful project), don’t allow someone to try to dismiss or bully your reactions and feelings out of you. You are a sum of these things.

As such, you also have a responsibility (to others but, always, yourself first) to objectively check your emotions and how they are affecting your overall quality of and progress in life. If you really don’t know, or have difficulty being more objective about yourself, ask a professional (contact me for confidence coaching) or trusted friend or peer who models an overall successfully balanced life you’d like to emulate, to help you get some clarity. Then check again to see who needs to take feelings and emotions more seriously in this relationship — this is not a fight about fighting.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T,

BadWitch

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Image: Erin Coronoa

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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You Can’t Angry-Get What You Want

angerPassion and anger and…unfairness. Edges of the same coin. Dealing with being fired not fired up, on the job. “…but you always get what you need.”BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GW/BW — I just got fired from a job I really love. I’m so angry I can barely type this! How do I get over my anger and get constructive again?  — Unemployed Fury

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Dear Unemployed Fury,

It is suggested that 70% of illness and disease are emotional or mental in origin. We are psychosomatic beings. The Greek words “psycho” means mental or emotional, and “soma” means body. See our post “Need for Speed: Fast Tracking Wisdom” – somatic wisdom is one of the foundational philosophies of our coaching practice; helping clients learn about the wisdom of their own bodies (i.e., you already know everything you need to know to heal, if you only learn to listen to your own body).

Anger is just an emotion. Emotions are good (to help us identify what we are both feeling about something, to helping us bodily flee potential danger). But bottled, pent up, stuffed down emotions are not and can lead to illness and disease, to unfulfilled lives of repressed feeling (literally and figuratively). Specifically here, unresolved anger (just an emotion) leads to resentment (actively nursed grudge), which leads to bitterness (can lead to disease).

“Things happen for a reason” aside, darlin’ Unemployed, you must look at what specifically you are angry at (i.e., person(s) – including yourself!), reasons, incidents, externals like the economy, etc…What specifics are you so pissed off about/at? Then drill down some more (written lists are awesome for such processing) and figure out more specifics, and then I suspect…a lot of your anger will have subsided by this clarifying process because it can help you change your thinking about each line item. Believe me, my Secondary ASR Type is Fight and if it works for someone like me, it can work for the world, honey sweetie your feelings are just smarting right now.

Bitter is hard medicine,

BW

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Dear Unemployed Fury,

Were you laid off or fired? Apparently, you don’t believe the firing was valid, so I have to ask if there were extenuating circumstances. If you believe you were fired unjustly, go talk to an attorney. Employment Law is bigger and broader than you would believe and California law really does a lot to protect the worker.  Consultations are usually free. Just calling an attorney, telling your story and seeing if you have a case may make you feel a little more empowered and a little less angry.

But, whether or not your employer broke the law, the real question is what do you want to do from here? Look forward. You can do nothing about the past. Take what you can learn from it, i.e. types of bosses to avoid, types of office environments to avoid, etc. You will then be better prepared for job interviews. You’ll have real questions to ask about office environments and working styles that can really inform you as to whether the culture is one you can thrive in or one you should pass over.

The good news: You are entitled to unemployment. Check with the Employment Development Department in your state. This action will insure that something will be coming in to pay bills while you search for a new job. The bad news: you will have to find the energy to buoy your spirits during one of the worst economies to look for a job. Does that mean I’m doom and glooming? No. There are companies that are hiring. An organized, steady (at least 3 resumes and cover letters out the door every day) and an optimistic attitude (see our Archives for other posts) will take you a long way.

Realize you are in the midst of a major turning point in your life. The flow of life has moved you out of that job for a reason—legal or not—and you now have the opportunity to learn and grow from it. Learn what you need to be happy and feel stable and secure in a job. Grow within by reflecting on how you could have been more in that job and how the job could have been more for you. Then be the achiever who has an organized routine to job-hunting. Tell everyone you know you are looking for a job. Facebook it. Market yourself like the latest and greatest “New Coke.”  This does not have to be a step backwards.

Remember the Game of Life. You may have a good College Career card, say for an Accountant at 70K. Then you land on Lose Your Job. Within two turns you can choose to go back to school or pick a new Career Card. What does it all mean? There are many options and choices you can make to turn this loss into a win.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

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