Category Archives: media

Of Guilty Feet and Married Men

Previously on: She’s in love with a married man. Oh the dram-mah! But wait for it…there’s more! Now he’s taking his marriage splitsville stress out on her. Oh no he didn’t! Stay tuned…     — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I fell in love with a married man. Now that he’s separated from his wife, I’m regretting the decision because I didn’t see how much of his divorce stress he would be dumping on me because he left his wife for me. I feel obligated to stay. Do I stay or do I go? — Personal Clash

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Dear Personal Clash,

Your being in a relationship with a guy (who left his primary one without a note from his wife) from whom you are asking us for permission to leave, is your answer itself.

Your question reminds me so much of the drama created by that media attention whore Jon Gosselin which got his +8 family-supporting show cancelled because that Ed Hardy-wearing, midlife crisis-on-a-skateboard tried to play hardball with his network bosses by not letting them shoot his kids — uh, the real subjects of the show — in “his” house. I’m saying: a dyed-in-the wool jackass always manages to be a jackass with or without you or anyone else’s help. The Way of the Hooves, baby. So get out of his Way, darlin’, and just let him wipeout Steve-O-style.

The regret you’re expressing is, to my ears, out-screaming the love you may have felt so strongly before. You already know this guy’s nothing but trouble – and sometimes what we love most is…trouble. Let’s not even go into your innocence on how stressful a divorce is under the most mutually ideal circumstances — consider this an advanced crash course in How Things Really Work . Honey, I’m sayin’, if he left her “for you,” then he potentially has no compunction to avoid doing the same thing to you sometime in the future. Let this child grow up and learn to deal with his own stress — caused and received — on his own. Which is very potentially how he’ll end up ultimately if he doesn’t. You like most of us, my cupcake, have your very own lessons to learn about boundaries, toxic relationshipsdevotion and love.You can thank your beast of burden for tilling this ground for you to plant better seeds for yourself.

Combat Rock Outta There,

BadWitch

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Dear Personal Clash,

Well, you saw how things worked out for Jon and Haley, not to say your situation is that dysfunctional, but the similarities are glaring. First off, let me get this straight—you coveted someone else’s husband, may have instigated the break up of a family unit and now you’re upset because he’s laying his divorce stress at your door. So, where do you think that divorce stress belongs? You invited this drama into your life when you got involved with a married man.

I know that your saying you “fell in love,” is somehow suppose to make everything ok. No, it doesn’t. Someone else “fell in love” with that man and married him—set up a life with family ties, responsibilities, joint property and maybe even children. The fact that you allowed yourself into relationship with someone with that much baggage, means that you deserve to help rectify the stress caused by the dissolution of the marriage. Did you think breaking up a family would not be stressful? Did you think that because you loved him the other person in the marriage would just forgive and forget the betrayal, and infidelity and end the marriage without so much as a shrug of the shoulders?

Be serious. This relationship started off on Drama Island and was destined to keep traveling further inland for some time. Think of it as karma. You gave someone else a great deal of stress unexpectedly. Now there is some for you. The good news is your cheater, I mean, “love”, in the middle probably has about twice as much stress, from you, the soon-to-be ex wife and any friends and family that loved and appreciated her.

Now, if his stress is being dumped on you in physically abusive ways, GET OUT NOW! Move to a friends house take everything you want to take (of yours, of course) while he’s at work and do not look back. As it is, I want you to be clear about who it is you are in love with. Do you think he won’t cheat on you? Because history has already shown he may not be faithful in a marriage. AND, if you really believe you are so special, remember, so did one of the girls Tiger Woods was having an affair with. Her complaint, he cheated on her with even more women.

Good Luck,

GoodWitch

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Image, Roy Lichtenstein

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

You’re Too Sexy for Your Age…Right!, Said Fred

miley.cyrus.redcarpet Milley_Cyrus

With incessant technology, media image overload and growing up too early against extended longevity comes a new coming of age question: how do I dress in style and age appropriately? Peer pressure and unrealistic, glammed up media body images flashing 24/7 can confuse even an adult mind as to what’s hot and what’s not – how’s a teenager to know what’s too sexy too young? — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Sup! I have this cute amazing !!!new !!! dress I love and I wore it to school. Then I come home and my mother and her gfs are chillan. Her friend goes, “I would get killed if I wore that to school at 16!” but it’s totally in style. WTF?!!!   — Hot & Sweet Chica

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Dear Sweet Chica,

Well, there are a couple of seemingly opposite statements I need to make. The first is that style and appropriateness are two different things. The second is, why do parents forget that we too wanted to look like we were 22 when we were 16. This is not new or news. This is the age old question of what style is the appropriate style when you’re in between. (Think Britney, “Not a girl, not yet a woman.”

I understand that teenagers tend to wear what looks like club wear to school, because school is the biggest outlet for expressing you and your style—and hotness at school can determine social status. I get the whole pic—I too was a teenager once. However, despite the skin tight mini-dresses worn by 90210 “teens,” this is not actually the most appropriate attire for school. Once in a while, pulling out the SUPER HOT wear makes sense. People take notice. Save the good stuff for the parties. The one thing you don’t want to get labeled is hot to trot—and guys base those labels on how you look as much, if not more than what you do.

That being said, you’re 16! Of course, you want to look hot. Even Miley Cyrus is coming under fire for being a normal 16 year old who wants to look and act older than she is. Because older is cooler at 16! I would say, just be sure that in your race to look hot, you don’t present yourself as a girl who thinks her looks are her worth. Looks make up a VERY small part of your overall worth as a human being. Looking sexy does not define who you are or how sexy you are. For instance, Angelina Jolie is usually seen in leather and jeans. She is incredibly sexy, pretty much an icon of sexy. She does not wear super short dresses. People go nuts when she wears strapless even though the dress is super full and long. Why? Because SHE is the sexy beast they all want to know and get next to. Because she is undeniably herself, loves herself and, more importantly, respects herself FIRST. That confidence is the ultimate sexy, beyond short dresses or skin tight wear.

So that is my long winded way of saying, you be you. Dress in what makes YOU feel comfortable. Dress for you—not for the intended effect on others. Go ahead and work the sexy look from time to time, but remember, sexy is from the inside out. Beyond style, nothing says sexy like a self-loving, expressive, confident woman. And that looks great on any age!

GoodWitch

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Dear Hot & Sweet Chica,

OMG we are soo fashion sistahs from another designer mama!! Long ago, in a lingerie department far, far away, I was solo shopping for basic bras when this dried up old lady quite loudly said to her wise glowing friend who kept trying to shush her, “I would never have been allowed to wear something like that when I was 16!” Hey, Crumble Cake Spice, I’m 21. I’m just one of those objects that looks sweeter in the Don’t Project Your (Bam!) Issues on Me mirror, lady.

I don’t know if you or your mom should be more upset here. After all you’re not 21, it’s her house and her final word you really must respect, so follow her rules and…roll up your skirts half as high as your instinct to, Georgia O’Keefe – I’m sayin’ being wise not just smart is always in style, Ms. Thang. Having said that, if I were she, that concerned but big-mouth girlfriend would’ve gotten an earful on not telling me how to parent. But since you asked for our opinion, my first concern for all daughters out there is on how her early, blossoming psycho-emotional and self-worth development look, because if they’re kapow! big and bouncy then I’m likely to have half as much to worry about (or at least “tweak” – what with Photoshopped misleading media images and peer pressure often working against an impressionable psyche’s best interest) around her dressing in style but age-appropriately for her brainy, slammin’ body (that I also want her to learn to healthily love, embrace and (gulp!) enjoy on her own terms, no one else’s).

And, girl yes I know !!!NEW!!! is always fun…but then it becomes neither amazingly quickly. It’s eternal good taste to develop (start now, take years) a true personal style that reflects and expresses your happiness and ease in your own skin-purpose-joy. My effin brilliant mom advised teenage-BadWitch to do “all that over-the-top fashion crap now when you’re young and no one will think you’re crazy, as opposed to when you’re older and they think you’re pathetic” — or inappropriately projecting all snappy dragon lady style – so of course I always represented my self…just like we all do, darlin’.

Put the long “U” in sexy styling,

BW

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Images, VH1 red carpet; Annie Lebovitz Vanity Fair shoot

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.


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(post update) What the H1N1 to Do: Vaccine Shortage

H1N1vaccineIn our September 10th post ‘Swine Flu, What the H1N1 to Do?’ we reported the CDC was on track to roll out vaccines by mid-October as planned. Since then, there has been a shortage that has frustrated many people. Here’s what CDC head, Director Tom Frieden is saying.

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Image, AP photo, M. Spencer Green

 

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Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

Phat Girls: Skinny, Overweight & In-between

sizezeroDM_468x455Can One Size ever Fit All, and if not, why is our society so thin-centric? If More is Better in money, smarts and success, why isn’t more to love mo’ bettah?? — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I am size 14 and work in the Junior’s department. I’m on commission and I realize I’m not making as much as some of the “skinny girls” in the department. When I talked to my co-worker about changing my shift, she suggested I lose some weight. WTF? Do I have to lose weight to be successful? — A Queen Like Latifah

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Dear Queenie,

When “success” is defined by ‘Never too rich, never too thin’-thinking, that’s the problem. Not your weight (but whether girls or girlz, wellness first). This sort of thinking is fraught with judgments of what’s supposedly universally good and bad, and extremely self-limiting for those who buy into it. And none of that even touches on the fact that at size 14, you are the average American woman’s size! — and that Junior Plus starts at size 16. Can she say Miss Informed a little louder?

You sweet juicy Pear, I like how you functionally and quickly identified the most likely probability, and came to a solution right away. Big ups on the maturity and self-responsibility you exhibit. Lean on your instincts to figure out a workaround that works for you — and (aside from putting your health and wellness first) don’t buy into her misguided smugness, or fear, or well-intended advice. The only thing you did “wrong” here was to talk to a Banana who just doesn’t seem to appreciate your brilliance. While we can’t immediately change the problem inherent in the fashion industry behind Junior departments (odd sizes from 0-19) of America, we can all try to become more constantly open-eyed and -mind aware of the insidious nature of media images on the development and (self-esteem) stunting of young girls and women, and the often resulting cock-eyed self-images, and societal prejudice they produce.

Media isn’t going to go away – nor would this media junkie, ever want it to! One way I consistently personally recommend to avoid becoming a media zombie, is to train ourselves and children to become critical thinkers. This vital skill is woefully and ironically underrepresented in our schools, and long before all the current education systems to-the-bone budget cuts. Critical thinking saves!, and is certainly not for university students and eggheads only but should be taught as young a possible as a way to ascend the chaos.

You go on with your gorgeous, smart, thinking and self-believing identity, Queen Pear! Admire all your full glory nakedness in a full-length mirror and hug and thank your curves, sweetie. There’s so much of you to love on so many levels, right? It’s your job to keep on showing your real self (including your insecurities as you work on losing the weight of those) to the world — not an option to hide any aspect of your radiant self from the world.

Self-love & wellness,

BW, a Strawberry

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Dear Queen,

No, girl, you do not have to be some Skinny Minny to get ahead! Just like Queen Latifah has put forward a new definition of sexy, so can you. Carry yourself with confidence that doesn’t wane. You’re not overweight. You’re Phat!

Now, that said, if you feel your weight may be posing health risks, like increasing likelihood of diabetes or slowing you down because you can’t catch your breath when walking up a flight of stairs, that’s not sexy. Those may be the signs to drop a few pounds—for you. If, however, you’ve got Queen Latifah’s curves and are styling and carrying yourself like a Queen, other people will treat you like one. But if you feel “less than” because you are comparing yourself to skinny co-workers, then neither customers or coworkers will treat you with less than the respect you deserve.

Go in there, looking good with your head held high. Show customers you know how to put together great outfits. Size does not have to matter, even in Juniors. Want some inspiration? I suggest watching Monique’s Phat Girlz. It’s not the greatest movie, but it is an inspirational look at putting aside society’s view of weight and taking on self-confidence and self-love. Good and good for you. Another great show, Drop Dead Diva on Lifetime. This show looks at the re-birth of a model into the body of a previously downtrodden Plus Size attorney. The great part of the show for me was watching the transformation from downtrodden to banging. No she didn’t diet or lose weight, she just brought her Covergirl attitude to a Plus Size body—and a diva is born.

Let your Covergirl reign supreme! Work the products in your department to look styling and of the moment. If you know how to work the merchandise, you’ll be a hit with customers. Let’s face it, everyone shopping there is not a size 2. Go ahead and show how you can work the looks and many, many customers will come to you to show them how to work it too. I know you’ve got the goods, cause you’re a queen and you claim it. Work that style and claim the rest of your confidence. Remember, sometimes bigger is better!

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Image: DailyMail.co.uk

Juicy Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.

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Keep dancing, Johnny Castle (RIP Patrick Swayze)

swayzeDirtyDancing An inspirational entertainer, husband and man. His wise footwork dances on eternally. Much love to his wife Lisa Neimi.

GWBW

LisaPatrick

Facebook Quiz Debunks Feminine Mystique!

wifeyNot the same “Mystique” Betty Freidan wrote about in her cultural tome on women’s unfulfillment, but the ethereal aura surrounding being a woman. Flattened!, dissected by another privacy-invading tool at FaceBook. Women are multidimensional goddesses and…human!  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — So ok, this one’s for the ladies but, I just took one of those crazy quizzes at FaceBook that are so popular…Can’t we be a balance of both good girl plain jane and hot vixen? Just a question!!!!! I will not the the outcome define me…..lol. Thanks chicas…girl power!   — Hot & Smart Mama

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Dear Hot & Smart Mama,

It’s a time-honored tradition to stereotype women as if that helps people get a handle on them. As if to prove it, there are as many versions of “female archetypes” lists as there are types cited out there. Here’s the one that didn’t completely turn me off, and encompassed real life, careers, myth and pop culture in a way that appealed to a less-harsh-than-Miranda/less-exhibitionist-than-Samantha gal like me. See?, I don’t think any of us can be categorized as one pure type, period – no pun intended.

One of my favorite TV shows of all time is “Mad Men” and there is a female character that, now in its third season, is starting to explore the issues you bring up today way back in the ‘60s! Oh yes she is.

Peggy, Peggy, Peggy is my heroine — back a mere season ago, I couldn’t even imagine those words of this Plain Jane, much less flying out of my fingertips. This non-typing pool girl-woman is not the squealy, frivolous sex kitten the “men want and the women want to be.” Going tom-catting the exact same way the boys at her ad agency Sterling Cooper doesn’t fit her in totality, either. Peggy understands she is uniquely She (thank you, Ursula Andress, She who must be obeyed! She who must be loved! She who must be possessed!, a real role model) . Unique eyes (a riff on Mad Men dialogue) and all. I can’t wait to see how Ms. Peggy hits it this season! And I mean her stride among other things. I have been watching media and TV since since in utero. Never in all my decades have I ever felt represented by a female character so completely as the complex and nuanced Peggy (Ms. Olson if ya nasty). And it’s only episode 2! Could it be that somebody finally, gulp!, understands?

So yes, you certainly can take it outside in the big Real World and be both Crystal and Alexis at once, without needing Sybil meds. If it took TV this long to get it right, so full of gradation, so reality TV the way reality TV will never be…then give some of those semi-illiterate, one-note folks who write the most superficial of those FaceBook quizzes (there are some dead-on ones, too) a wait and see for just another couple months (approximately a TV season in FB time).

The moon has many phases,

BW

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Dear Hot & Smart Mama,

OK, I’d just like to be on record saying good girls are not necessarily Plain Janes and, yes, hot mama, naughty and nice often come together in the same fabulous package.

I have loved my Facebook quizzes. Don’t we all need to know which “Facts of Life” character we might be? Heck, Facebook finally put to rest my long-held suspicion that I was meant for Johnny Depp and, well, visa versa. But recently, there’s been some growing concern over how much of your privacy info Facebook is giving away when we allow the quizzes to access our information.

I received this in email from ACLU:

“Thousands of people have taken the quiz and seen firsthand how Facebook allows quiz creators to have access to their personal information – including religious and political views, sexual orientation, pictures, groups, and posts. When you take a Facebook quiz, you can’t tell whether your personal information has been collected. In fact, most of your personal information can be exposed even if it’s your friend, and not you, who takes one of these quizzes!”

ACLU has created the What Do Quizzes Really Know About You Facebook quiz (log-in required). The quiz allows you to see what developers can see on your profile, your friends’ profiles, etc. It’s disturbing. But, as ACLU noted, we know Facebook responds to protest. At the end of the quiz you can sign an online petition and are taken to privacy page to change setting.

So, I know that was off the beaten path of your question, but it seemed relevant, so I gave it to you. But, we all know, it just takes the right mate at the right time in the right environment to “Make a Good Girl Go Bad.” And, guys, you are a really happy and lucky if you’re there when it happens.

Keep it hot!

GoodWitch
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Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! –  Personal and group coaching available.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.


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Whole Foods Boycott, Deceptive CEOs? You Buying?

TruthStatueWhen is the “truth” just an “opinion” and when does an honest CEO cross the misrepresentation line publicly? Critically focusing on our own beliefs and realities.   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — This might be a naive question but with all this talk about boycotting Whole Foods for the CEO’s WSJ’s OpEd on health care reform, I am struggling with whether or not to boycott one of my favorite stores. I feel duped. I’m going to make my own decision this week, but my naive part comes here, do you think CEO’s should publicize their private opinions when it flies in the face of their company’s policies or marketing? — Concerned Consumer

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Dear Concerned,

The CEO of Safeway said basically the same thing with barely a ripple. This is obviously not about “the message” but the messenger. It’s complicated!, not a naive question. The fact it that we unwittingly receive both mixed and contradictory messages all the time — accidentally, incidentally as well as deliberately. It’s called media overload. As Americans, freedom of speech is our right (I’m big on interest in what you have to say while maintaining my non-attachment to total agreement), but as a voracious media consumer, I am even more for critical thinking as tool, antidote and stress reliever for modern life.

The best OpEds are much like art, they should spark debate and make you think. On that note Whole Foods’ Mackey was successful. Generally, do I believe CEOs should publicize their personal opinion? The another-lifetime-ago-PR woman in me says, “No, why risk being misread at best?” And the Coach in me says it’s important to know that there is a difference between opinion, truth and honesty. So the question really should be, “Is it ethical if CEOs publicly announce they have personal contradictory (even if by degrees not entirety) opinions to their corporate line?” And that, my friend, is why I’m encouraging you to filter the messaging through your Critical Thinking Colander (empirical facts, your feelings on the issues, this “new data” (CEO’s opinion) and how the messaging resonates for you still, again, or not at all) and see what purely strained “truths” you are left with in the end. Who knows?, cherished opinions aside, you might surprise yourself with what you’re willing to “buy.”

Recent related sizzling links on my backburner:

1) Whole Foods CEO John Mackey’s WSJ piece.

2) Whole Foods boycott.

3) Respected geneticist Francis Collins, MD, PhD, National Institutes of Health (NIH) Director, y’know, a scientist — who believes in God and has stated so every time I’ve seen him on Charlie Rose.

4)  “The End of Faith” author Sam Harris says Collins’ lack of applying his own scientific measurements to his religious beliefs is the reason for Collins’ faith v science conundrum or conflict (as you see it). Harris says unsupportable assertions about god that religions make “get a pass” on being properly scrutinized simply due to sentiment, upbringing/tradition, and a human need for hope. [I was interested in the model not the faith v science debate in this instance, just so you know.]

An honestly opinionated truthsayer,

BW

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Dear Concerned Consumer,

Well, Mr. Mackey certainly has some opinions, doesn’t he? Last time he gave his opinion trash talking the competition, Wild Oats Market, on various financial forum websites —before Whole Foods bought them out. The ensuing anti-trust suit was recently settled.

Whole Foods is also being sued for anti-competitive pricing structures. More shockingly, Whole Foods 365 brand body care products have been found to contain toxic carcinogens at a level that should require warning labels. The Attorney General of California filed suit last year.

As my Grandmother used to say, “Truth will out.” This is a business that is focused on creating profits—one way or another. Don’t be fooled by the organic mask. John Mackey and Whole Foods do not care if we are healthy. They care to make a profit. Personally, I’m glad to know. I appreciate his honesty. I also think he is a snob with little understanding or care for the working class and/or working poor realities of America. Not that all of the more than 60% of bankruptcies caused by medical bills is actually limited to the working poor. That’s an average Joe Six-Pack issue, Ms. Palin. AND we’re not even as healthy as the pub-crawling, chain smoking Brits! Not too effective.

The real question is what do you care about? How and where you spend your dollars shapes the world we live in. If you give your hard-earned money to a business that supports a cause you believe in, you really get more bang for your buck. In this case, those of us interested in discussion on democratizing health for a country of people getting sicker would be hard pressed to find a value for our dollars at Whole Foods.

I believe in eating well. I buy free-range, organic, less processed foods—at Trader Joe’s.

Shop your conscience,

GoodWitch

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Hear the coaches – Podcasts coming. Talk to the coaches! –  Personal and group coaching available.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your FREE brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009 ManifestGroup. No materials may be used without expressed written permission.