Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…
Dear GWBW — I fell in love with a married man. Now that he’s separated from his wife, I’m regretting the decision because I didn’t see how much of his divorce stress he would be dumping on me because he left his wife for me. I feel obligated to stay. Do I stay or do I go? — Personal Clash
Dear Personal Clash,
Your being in a relationship with a guy (who left his primary one without a note from his wife) from whom you are asking us for permission to leave, is your answer itself.
Your question reminds me so much of the drama created by that media attention whore Jon Gosselin which got his +8 family-supporting show cancelled because that Ed Hardy-wearing, midlife crisis-on-a-skateboard tried to play hardball with his network bosses by not letting them shoot his kids — uh, the real subjects of the show — in “his” house. I’m saying: a dyed-in-the wool jackass always manages to be a jackass with or without you or anyone else’s help. The Way of the Hooves, baby. So get out of his Way, darlin’, and just let him wipeout Steve-O-style.
The regret you’re expressing is, to my ears, out-screaming the love you may have felt so strongly before. You already know this guy’s nothing but trouble – and sometimes what we love most is…trouble. Let’s not even go into your innocence on how stressful a divorce is under the most mutually ideal circumstances — consider this an advanced crash course in How Things Really Work . Honey, I’m sayin’, if he left her “for you,” then he potentially has no compunction to avoid doing the same thing to you sometime in the future. Let this child grow up and learn to deal with his own stress — caused and received — on his own. Which is very potentially how he’ll end up ultimately if he doesn’t. You like most of us, my cupcake, have your very own lessons to learn about boundaries, toxic relationships, devotion and love.You can thank your beast of burden for tilling this ground for you to plant better seeds for yourself.
Combat Rock Outta There,
Dear Personal Clash,
Well, you saw how things worked out for Jon and Haley, not to say your situation is that dysfunctional, but the similarities are glaring. First off, let me get this straight—you coveted someone else’s husband, may have instigated the break up of a family unit and now you’re upset because he’s laying his divorce stress at your door. So, where do you think that divorce stress belongs? You invited this drama into your life when you got involved with a married man.
I know that your saying you “fell in love,” is somehow suppose to make everything ok. No, it doesn’t. Someone else “fell in love” with that man and married him—set up a life with family ties, responsibilities, joint property and maybe even children. The fact that you allowed yourself into relationship with someone with that much baggage, means that you deserve to help rectify the stress caused by the dissolution of the marriage. Did you think breaking up a family would not be stressful? Did you think that because you loved him the other person in the marriage would just forgive and forget the betrayal, and infidelity and end the marriage without so much as a shrug of the shoulders?
Be serious. This relationship started off on Drama Island and was destined to keep traveling further inland for some time. Think of it as karma. You gave someone else a great deal of stress unexpectedly. Now there is some for you. The good news is your cheater, I mean, “love”, in the middle probably has about twice as much stress, from you, the soon-to-be ex wife and any friends and family that loved and appreciated her.
Now, if his stress is being dumped on you in physically abusive ways, GET OUT NOW! Move to a friends house take everything you want to take (of yours, of course) while he’s at work and do not look back. As it is, I want you to be clear about who it is you are in love with. Do you think he won’t cheat on you? Because history has already shown he may not be faithful in a marriage. AND, if you really believe you are so special, remember, so did one of the girls Tiger Woods was having an affair with. Her complaint, he cheated on her with even more women.
Image, Roy Lichtenstein
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