Category Archives: de-stress

Grudges: Do You Hold Them? (GW)

What’s the point! You hold a grudge, reminding yourself over and over again to release cortisol into your system, send acid churning in your stomach and raise your heart rate and blood pressure through the roof because this person hurt you. At what point is this suppose to actually hurt the other person?

Want to know what can really hurt the other person? Obscurity. Loss of Interest. That’s right, just like I’d tell my child on the playground if another child is not playing nice, walk away. Life is too short for grudges. It only leads o stuck energy, acid reflux and migraines. Juust kick em to the curb and move on. You will be all the happier and wiser for it. — GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Pushy Wannabe Grandma, “Pregnancy Now!”

Tick tock!, she don’t stop. If you wait, will it be too late?  When moms pushes you to make her a granny now.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — As a single woman in her mid thirties, my mother keeps warning me that if I wait even a day longer to have children, she will never be a grandmother. To what extent is this true or untrue? What should I do to ensure that I have the option for motherhood in the future?Pregnant Pause

 

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Dear Pregnant Pause,

Firstly, I can’t think of too many choices in this world more important than whether or not to have children…except maybe when to have them. With all due respect to your mother, she’s already had her time as one, it’s now completely up to you as to if and when to you will become one. Own that fact, exemplify that feeling.

As to when, if you’re healthy, fertile and want a family, make Pros and Cons lists if you need help with more clarity. Obvious considerations include your health, wealth, practical and strategic career accounts (day-to-day childcare options versus your availability to remain work-relevant and competitive), and the often under-considered urges/desires and assumptions/notions you may or may not have about your “family.” Siblings to trusted spiritual leaders may help with this last one.

Future options protection? Here’s one idea if you can swing the finances (I’m sorry I didn’t grab the link when I recently heard about a young woman’s brilliant and controversial plan!). She knows she wants kids ultimately, but not while she’s competing and building her equally important career. She had her own eggs harvested and frozen for IVF when she is ready for motherhood. Dissenting religious beliefs completely respected and aside, I have to tell you that I didn’t understand why this was a “news” story in this day and age, except for suggesting that many people in our society still don’t actually “family plan,” or may have some misunderstandings about the challenging but viable IVF process.

Far more important than making your mother vicariously happy, please make sure you are happy about your own parenting status by deeply researching and considering all the options available to you specifically.

Gestate on that,

BadWitch

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Dear Pregnant Pause,

More and more women are waiting to start a family. This is not the 50’s anymore—where  women marry straight out of high school or go to college to find a husband and then hit fast forward on the family planning.

That being said, age can affect fertility. A woman is born with all the eggs she will have in her life. These eggs age as we do, sometimes forming a hard outer shell, which can keep sperm from penetrating the egg. So what does this mean?

It means that you may have issues getting pregnant without assistance as you start to age past late thirties. However, reproductive endocrinology (yes, the science of test tube babies) has come a long way. Single women, same sex couples and fertility challenged heterosexual couples are making their family dreams a reality through IVF (in-vitro fertilization). In other words, though the science is not fail-proof, success rates show it is a viable option.

So, though your mom is ready for grandkids right this moment, do what is right for you. You can start with a conversation with your OB/GYN and perhaps a consultation with a well-respected reproductive endocrinologist to determine if there are any other issues besides age, which may be a fertility challenge for you.

Sadly, in the world of fertility, age does matter. And, yes, being called “older” at 40 may be one of the more annoying side-effects, but know that you may yet have a child in a few years. I had my first child at 33 and my second at 36. So, apparently my mid-thirties were quite fertile. Does that mean I’m done at 44-not necessarily. Egg donation is also an option, as is adoption. In other words, if you want a family, there are ways and means. Don’t step on the gas now to make someone else happy, because it’s you that have the responsibility for growing a responsible member of society for the following 18 years—at least.

Be happy where you are and know your options and opportunities for the future,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

 

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

 

 

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Importance of Play. The Gravitas of Levity. (GW)

Who can say more about the importance of play! PLAY! It’s vital for children to learn, according to researchers and child psychologists. But what they fail to realize is the importance for adults. Play allows you to refill your energetic tank so you can have the wherewithal to do all the responsibility and care-taking things you do.

Play, laugh, sing: three necessary components for freeing up your spirit and restocking the energetic shelves. Doesn’t matter if you laugh so hard you snort or sing off key. What matters is that you have fun!

Lighten up people! This serious-all-the-time thing is just not good for you. Let your spirit be free. Just for a minute. You’ll feel better. — GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.


Importance of Play. The Gravitas of Levity. (BW)

I get a lot of grief for seemingly laughing at everything in life. Meanwhile, I view myself as responsible and grounded — so I’m all about this theme! Children’s brains develop and learn via play — and as my studies as a manager and someone who’s had success at long-term relationships of all types show, levity is the highest octane fuel to keep an engine a high-performing one. That good news means we seem to never outgrow the learning blocks of play and levity. Play and levity are the important stuff of living with clearer eyes/vision and sharper listening ability, emotional un-encumbrance (a.k.a. staying present, or say ancient hippy secret: Be Here Now), the spiritual emancipation of ego-slaying. Why take yourself so seriously? Others don’t. Those who don’t value the gravitas of play and levity in life tend to fall into this trap. If you drop your own self-importance: Who’s left to hear the engrossing whining? Take the blame? Point more accusatory fingers at?

Quoting my Brit comic twin (life view, that is) Ricky Gervais: “Whot? Are you havin’ a laugh?” Yes, more please! — BadWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Self-Expansion Through Self-Expression. (GW)

Want more out of your life? More of that feeling of being deeply loved for who you are? Want more of feeling like you have wrung every moment of life out of every moment of life? Then live out loud. Be you!

Let your true colors sparkle in the sun! Stop trying to be the person you think people will like and be the person you are. Know what happens? You feel loved for who you are because you have never hidden the truth. You feel like you have truly lived your life because you have—fully you.

In the immortal words of Madonna, “Express Yourself

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Lose-Lose Situation. Hating Life

Making lemonade out of lemons. Start stepping. One day at a time. Every day is a new opportunity. Lightening up, already!  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — Help! I hate my life. I can’t get anything going right. No Win

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Dear No Win,

While some people are kicking butt and taking names, the on- and offline feedback our article ‘Trapped! Horrible Job No Hope’ got, showed me that you’re not alone in your feelings. Also check out our Giving Thanks post. Still, I want to echo a tenacious friend’s annoyance at our collective malaise, or at least less than stellar energy to thrive. She commented about the latest soft drink trend of “relaxing” vs. energy boosters with something like, “We need more coffee or other stimulants to get us past this enforced apathy.” To know her is to love her.

Overwhelm is a natural feeling from sadness that becomes depression, until you are simply not responding to positive stimuli because you can literally no longer see it.  You’re rewired for disappointment and failure. Instead, retrain your brain by becoming conscious of your thoughts. Break the overwhelm by focusing on one area of your life at a time, and one aspect of that area daily, until your capacity to see when things are going right, well, excellent, once again has been reconnected, switched back on and powered with continuous effort. Come back to the light one day, one area, one thought at a time.

C’mon Get Happy!,

BadWitch

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Dear No Win,

It’s time to put a different spin on this life thing. Maybe you are not the most popular, the most admired or the most successful, but that certainly doesn’t mean you can’t do anything right. Success is judged by you. For instance, maybe you don’t win the race, but you run your personal best time ever. That’s a win if you look at it from the right angle.

Put a little PR spin into your internal monologue. Instead of telling yourself , “You suck!” Congratulate yourself for having the balls to try. Right now you can thank yourself for having the guts to reach out for some positive advice.

Earlier today a group of friends and I were laughing about being dorks. “When did you first know you were a dork?” was the question of the day. Somewhere in there we discovered the things that made us dorks in high school were the very things most appreciated and celebrated about us now.

This place where you are now is not your whole life. It is a moment in time. Want more out of each moment? Tell yourself “good job” more often than, “You suck.” Recognize when you have done well and recognize where practice makes more perfect. You are merely human which means sometimes you win and sometimes you are a loser. Decide to be happy now no matter what and you’ll win. Frankly, that is all any of us can do.

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Good Friend’s Incendiary Talk, Bad

Your politically opposite and opinionated friend won’t shut up. Haven’t we all wished there was a Mute Button for that?   — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I have a really close friend who lives across the country with really different political and religious views than mine. We grew up together, but now no matter how we start out and how long we’re talking about something else, he seems to always want to talk about politics or religion. How can I steer him back to “how about that weather”? Other than this problem, he’s definitely one of my best friends.  — Swiss Flag Waver

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Dear Swiss Flag Waver,

If your buddy’s actually one of your BFFs, why haven’t you just voiced your concerns to him? What’s your eggshell dance really about, Swiss Flag Waver? Work on tightening up that internal convo, first.

I live in an area known for its slant, its very particular POV, so much so that if I didn’t have friends that I genuinely care about and love, but who hold very different beliefs than me, I would tend to think that everyone thinks “like us” — so their very friendship gives me repeated reason to be thankful for being blessed with these mind expanders and ego-knocker-downs! Feel out why you are so close and comfortable with this friend, and leverage that like/love when he next brings up the importance of his earnest beliefs. Tell him it bothers you. Tell him you’ll never agree, so let’s agree to disagree. Tell him to STF up. Whatever your friendship can tolerate and sounds like (!), that’s what you need to step UP and say out loud.

Not black & white and doesn’t need to run all over,

BadWitch

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Dear Swiss Flag Waver,

It is time to declare your friendship a neutral zone unless you both can have a sense of humor about it. My sister and her husband reside on opposite sides of the red/blue line generally. They joke that they cancel out each other’s vote as they drive together to the polling place.

The thing to remember is that both sides have reasons and life experiences that have led them to believe as they do. Friendship must include respect that allows for both of you to be who you are, otherwise, you are acquaintances yet to discover the nature of true camaraderie and friendship. Friendship must be that safe harbor where one does not feel unduly judged. Yes, truths are spoken that are not always agreed upon—then you agree to disagree, without anger or resentment. It is not for you to change your friend or visa versa.

Evangelism will only create resentment and drive the two of you further apart. Ask nicely to agree to disagree and talk about something else. Let him know that you respect him and his opinion, but you do not agree, nor do you want to try and make him disavow all he believes in to agree with you. I would add a, “that said, I love you. So did you see the game on Sunday?”

Good luck,

GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Out of the Closet: Unwanted Makeover

Your mom’s just trying to be helpful but she’s messing with your closet/your head. De-cluttering how to tell her to stop before it becomes your dirty laundry. — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — I come home and my moms “reorganized” my entire closet Now there’s one shoe downstairs and one upstairs. She turned my whole closet upside down like that! That was 3 weeks ago, and I’m still searching for my things every day. What can I do about this?  — Closet Case

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Dear Closet Case,

What a great question about setting appropriate boundaries. And whether you’re 13 and your mom is all up in your grill, or you’re 45 and living with a senior mom who requires your assistance — doesn’t matter. Same relationship dynamic thing, different time. Moms who need to do your thing their way, is…classic.

You know your BadWitch wants you to tell her like it is (but keep in mind that for you, her action was annoyingly intrusive, while to her, just helpful), but I understand that this may be both difficult for you to say, and for her to actually hear (whether because of big ego or legit cognitive reasons — if the latter (which your searching up and downstairs for stuff alerts me to), immediately get her under a geriatric physician’s care). Still, together you should set down some rules for happy co-existing in this house.

Whatever your age, calm the heck waaay down and then ask you mom why she felt she needed to help you get organized. Ask questions to hear past “it was messy”-type responses to what her perception is about your organizational skills, how you live. If any of it resonates with you, think then act to improve yourself. Thank her! If it doesn’t feel true for you, then try substituting her “you” statements with your proper name and repeat them out loud. If most or all of it still doesn’t feel true to you, then consider what is actually important to you a la values, and then calmly set enforceable boundaries. Remember, one huge lesson living with people we love can teach us is how to reasonably compromise.

Setting boundaries: Let your mother know clearly that you respect her, but that you and your territory must have her reciprocal respect, too. Just because it works for her, deosn’t mean it does (or has to!) work for everyone on the planet. Find the most effective way to say it so your mom can hear it. Find a way to enforce it (expectations > consequences). If you don’t, you can expect that she will repeat this closet makeover episode (in one form or another) and that will be on you, later. In the worst (and last case) scenario, put a lock on your door.

Lights on in that closet,

BadWitch

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Dear Closet Case,

OMG!!! And I mean that! I don’t know what’s more horrifying, the idea of your mother seeing every nook and cranny of your inner wardrobe or the idea of someone else reorganizing the items that should very specifically be categorized by the wearer. Shocking.

Well, first and foremost you must sit down with your mother to discuss this fiasco. In a loving (which means practice A LOT before the face-to-face), calm voice (A LOT) let her know in no uncertain terms that though you believe her “helpfulness” in regards to your closet was born from the most loving thoughts and ideas, in truth it felt like a disrespect for your privacy. You know that was not how it was intended (see why you have to practice?), but in fact reorganizing someone else’s closet without their prior notice and consent is best left to parents of small children not yet capable of organizing sweaters together, etc.

Let her know that you are still searching for some much need items. In truth, though you two are so similar, your organizational styles are very different….and, well, it makes life more difficulty when getting ready for (school/work/obligations).

Be clear before your bathroom cabinets are reorganized and those much needed daily products disappear! This is an important opportunity for you to set boundaries like an adult. Show her what you’re working with. But show it with love and respect. She birthed you. She deserves heaping helpings of both.

Also, your mom may be somewhat bored. Is she older and needing to get out to the local centers to play with people her own age while you are at work? Or maybe the stay at home mom is discovering a latent passion for interior design. Whatever the root cause remember compassion—not anger—will get you the respect you crave.

Good luck (sincerely),

GoodWitch

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Image: Touchstone Pictures

Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Pressure Valve: Eat Pray Love Increments Needed to Escape (GW)

Don’t wait till you are freaking out on the bathroom floor to renovate your life. And don’t think you need to mortgage the house, leave your job and travel the world to find yourself. You are actually available to you sooner, closer and in this present moment.

When your voice rises too often or tears threaten to fall too often, it’s time for a time out. Call the babysitter. Tell your friends, family, husband/wife, and kids, that it’s time for a break so they can all have the happier, better version of you that’s available when you take out the time to take care of you. Then call the spa and schedule your massage. If that seems to pricey, try a mani-pedi. Just get out and let someone else take care of you for a change.

Whether it’s a hot tub or just take a bath. Take yourself to dinner at an incredible restaurant with a friend or lover and linger over the meal and wine for hours, savoring. Decide to find the incredible journey in your present steps. Create amazing moments in your every day life.

Eat. Love. Pray. And Live. Now. — GoodWitch

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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Saving Private Energy

We all do it. Continued to use an inefficient appliance, leaned on a leaky relationship, an old habit waay past its prime. Updating your life with energy stars.  — BadWitch

Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…

Dear GWBW — This might sound funny but I really mean this and need help. My antique fridge finally blew up and I was forced to cough up money for a new one, so I have had money and energy savings on my mind for the last two weeks. Any ideas on how to save energy and money in life? I’m really tired lately from work, so I guess I’m more interested in the energy part of my question. — Low-e

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Dear Low-e,

I can only offer the BadWitch classic: balance. Some people laugh, I’ve even read articles that suggest that “balance in life” is a myth. Myth!, only to those who haven’t seen this Big Foot unicorn firsthand.  Balance may be challenging to strive for but not impossible to achieve (and maintain is the 601 course level).

How do we come to balance between work and home, between love and personal identity? By our priorities. Those are the things we consciously think about, assign value to and fund with deliberate action. “Having it all” is the myth. Having to do it all is a very different thing, flickering Low-e. Recognize what you value, know that you can’t be godlike everywhere at once equally effectively, and employ your priorities to your best balanced, happy living. Reinvigorate your body-mind-spirit with your own deepest truths.

Unplugged priorities,

BadWitch

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FROM THE IRONY DEPT.: GoodWitch is exhausted and tells you there was a 5-broom pile up on the 101 and she will be back for Monday’s question.

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Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.

Mondays money, work, purpose dilemmas. Thursdays family, relationships, love dramedy. Send your brewing questions on how to thrive—not just survive— modern life to: coaching@stillsitting.net.

© 2009-2017 ManifestGroup. All rights reserved.

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