Whether you’re hoping to bump into old acquaintances on a pleasure or business trip on the good new Social Network, pack lightly. Avoiding dragging baggage from old Planet Paartay! forward when reaching out to now-successful classmates. — BadWitch
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Readers Are Spellbound & Perplexed…
Dear GWBW — I’ve changed drastically since college. I really feel together and hitting my stride now as an adult. Recently I saw an ex-classmate’s book published (she already had one on the New York Times best sellers list) and tried to reach out to her at LinkedIn and then later at Facebook. She hasn’t responded to me, and I know it’s crazy but am actually worried she still thinks of me as the old college party girl I used to be when nothing could be farther from the truth. I’m not broken up and taking it personally, I just want to reach out to a successful colleague. Any suggestions? — Upgraded
Facebook and LinkedIn are very different animals that require different tones for success as tools. It’s Monday, so I’m addressing the professional network, LinkedIn. Above the ones you’ve already taken, the next logical steps are obvious to me, try further reaching out to her via her publisher or PR agent’s contacts. If you do so, state your reach-out business clearly and succinctly (e.g., “In updating my profiles, I saw your name (congratulations on your recent publishing success) and realized how mutually beneficial reconnecting could be for us…”), just as efficiently, sum up why/what makes you of interest to her today. Why should she care about you? Stand behind it, send it, then stop. No need to look like you’re stalking her. Girl, have you realized maybe she’s just busy?
Because of this, sounds to me like you’d benefit from truly examining why you are personally so keen to reconnect with her. Is it simple success-by-association, maybe you want to kiss her butt or even have this successful woman see and recognize your triumphant evolution to kiss yours. Be truthful with yourself.
Giving closure to unfinished business only helps us move forward more robustly. When we reach back to connect with people, it’s helpful (more for some of us than others) to acknowledge and appreciate developmentally where we left off with them (and get real — this is the only point of reference they have to identify us with — unless we were famously or infamously more recently publicized in some way they would be privy to) and the Maybe reasons this particular person’s opinion of our successes are important to us today. What did she symbolize for you — have you fulfilled or given that quality to yourself yet? Can you give closure (through full acceptance) to your old party ways and that you needed them to become more fully who you are today?
Link yourself in first, classmate,
Well, your ex-classmate is clearly an idiot. Social media is an excellent way to build fan base and buzz about your books. I would think the smart thing to do would be to accept all friend requests. Also, if this person cannot think that perhaps you have changed since college, as most of us do, she is either very good at carrying a grudge or stuck in the past.
For you, I would not stay stuck in the idea of whether or not she approves of you. I understand wanting to reach out to a successful friend, but if that friend does not offer a hand in return—is it truly a friend? Or a ghost of associations past.
Leave your friend request out there. She may yet respond and friend you. In the mean time, go on. Continue toward your own success. Friend requests can linger for a year before someone responds.
I would suggest some energetic work to try and bring your picture and her’s up to present time. Imagine a sphere about 20 inches away from you (think outside your personal space). This sphere represents your relationship with this woman. See the two of you as adults in the space talking across a table. Drop a grounding chord from this sphere to the center of the earth. This will bring the energetic space between how the two of you see each other. Fill the space with a pink light with gold flecks. This is the energy of compassion. It will help you both with understanding.
For you, let go of any unforgiveness or shame you are holding against yourself. Being a party girl in college is to be expected. You learned and walked your path of life. The experiences you have experienced have made you the person you are. I get that whatever self-disrespect is minor in your case, but the fact that this non-friending gets under your skin, says some shame remains. You are perfect and you always were. Any appearances of your being anything other than the person you were suppose to be to learn the lessons you were meant to learn at each and every stage of your life, is a lie. You have always been and will always be perfectly you.
Chose new lessons to learn. Clear old the old shame. Bring yourself and your relationships into present time and watch your life and relationships settle, balance and bloom.
Juicy Relationship Coaching for Leaders and Individuals.
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